Feeling Horrible
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1
Feeling Horrible
Just broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend of 2 years. We lived together the last three months. He was so inconsiderate and awful to me the past year and getting worse, so why am I so upset? I love him deeply and we were planning a future together. I thought I was a really strong person but right now I feel so weak. How could I let him disrespect me like that and still be so heartbroken? I feel like such an idiot. He is acting very cold and blaming me. I cannot stop crying.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 122
. How could I let him disrespect me like that and still be so heartbroken
I don't know. I reacted the same way you have. Even after he replaced me (and it was quick). I was married for three decades. What you need to do now is work on yourself. The next few months are not going to be easy, but you will begin to get yourself back and a love for life.
Take care of yourself- you owe yourself that much
I don't know. I reacted the same way you have. Even after he replaced me (and it was quick). I was married for three decades. What you need to do now is work on yourself. The next few months are not going to be easy, but you will begin to get yourself back and a love for life.
Take care of yourself- you owe yourself that much
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome! So sorry things are so painful right now. The good news is that you won't feel this way forever.
I'd suggest, as a start, getting to an Al-Anon meeting. Living with an alcoholic (even when you aren't "living together") takes a serious toll on partners. We all understand how it feels.
And believe me, even though it may not feel like it right now, you are better off ending it than enduring years (or decades) of misery--or worse yet, creating a family with kids, who are the most innocent victims of this disease.
I'd suggest, as a start, getting to an Al-Anon meeting. Living with an alcoholic (even when you aren't "living together") takes a serious toll on partners. We all understand how it feels.
And believe me, even though it may not feel like it right now, you are better off ending it than enduring years (or decades) of misery--or worse yet, creating a family with kids, who are the most innocent victims of this disease.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,983
Welcome Res. I am very glad you found us but it is indeed a tough row to hoe.
You have come to a Forum/Nation/community where what you say here makes total sense >>>>>> "How could I let him disrespect me like that and still be so heartbroken? I feel like such an idiot. He is acting very cold and blaming me. I cannot stop crying."
The best resource I found for myself when I was going through this was, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. It is the best thing I ever found on grieving.
Take super good care of yourself: exercise, eat well, get lots of rest. What you are going through is absolutely no joke (as you have found out!)
Big big hug!
You have come to a Forum/Nation/community where what you say here makes total sense >>>>>> "How could I let him disrespect me like that and still be so heartbroken? I feel like such an idiot. He is acting very cold and blaming me. I cannot stop crying."
The best resource I found for myself when I was going through this was, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. It is the best thing I ever found on grieving.
Take super good care of yourself: exercise, eat well, get lots of rest. What you are going through is absolutely no joke (as you have found out!)
Big big hug!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Almost everyone has been in your situation, never put yourself down- you have been through enough. In the beginning it is going to be hard, but things get better. The more you work on yourself, the stronger and stronger you will be and slowly you will realize you deserve so much more and that you are a strong, loving, wonderful woman who went through a hard time.
Everyday I used to try to put at least one thing on a piece of paper about a good quality of myself. It was hard at first because I was beating myself up for everything that happened in the past, but stick to it and put it on your mirror. Soon adding to that list will be easier and easier- because you are a beautiful woman on the inside and out.
Everyday I used to try to put at least one thing on a piece of paper about a good quality of myself. It was hard at first because I was beating myself up for everything that happened in the past, but stick to it and put it on your mirror. Soon adding to that list will be easier and easier- because you are a beautiful woman on the inside and out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Res,
I am so sorry for you pain. I know you don't understand now, but there is a lot of long timers here who have put up with 10, 20 and 30 years of abuse from our A's. You are the smart one, walking away when you did.
Nothing is pretty about dating an addict. Be kind to yourself, keep posting and educating yourself about addition. It only gets worse my friend!!
Sending hugs to you.
I am so sorry for you pain. I know you don't understand now, but there is a lot of long timers here who have put up with 10, 20 and 30 years of abuse from our A's. You are the smart one, walking away when you did.
Nothing is pretty about dating an addict. Be kind to yourself, keep posting and educating yourself about addition. It only gets worse my friend!!
Sending hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Res,
I am so sorry for you pain. I know you don't understand now, but there is a lot of long timers here who have put up with 10, 20 and 30 years of abuse from our A's. You are the smart one, walking away when you did.
Nothing is pretty about dating an addict. Be kind to yourself, keep posting and educating yourself about addition. It only gets worse my friend!!
Sending hugs to you.
I am so sorry for you pain. I know you don't understand now, but there is a lot of long timers here who have put up with 10, 20 and 30 years of abuse from our A's. You are the smart one, walking away when you did.
Nothing is pretty about dating an addict. Be kind to yourself, keep posting and educating yourself about addition. It only gets worse my friend!!
Sending hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Oh Res.. You didn't do anything wrong. You loved, that's always good. I was you a year and a half ago. I know you can't see it now but believe me when I tell you Res, you've dodged a bullet. Many of the members here have spent so many years living with an active alcoholic. Your good, your positives are that you don't own a home together or share children together. That my friend is an absolute nightmare. Disrespect or not, you love the guy. Cut yourself some slack. It's ok.
Give yourself some time to breathe. Step away from the situation. It will become so much clearer when your out of it. I will give you the same advice these beautiful ladies here on SR. gave me when I joined. Read the stickies on top of the forum, there is soooo much info there for you and you will realize that many other are/were in the same shoes as you are today. No contact = no new hurt. It's very true.
We are here for you. Stay strong friend. You will be ok!! Yes, you will.
Ro
Give yourself some time to breathe. Step away from the situation. It will become so much clearer when your out of it. I will give you the same advice these beautiful ladies here on SR. gave me when I joined. Read the stickies on top of the forum, there is soooo much info there for you and you will realize that many other are/were in the same shoes as you are today. No contact = no new hurt. It's very true.
We are here for you. Stay strong friend. You will be ok!! Yes, you will.
Ro
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
You are not an idiot. You are a human being with the capacity to love.
We know what this feels like and understand. It sucks right now and of course you cry. You don't have to force yourself to "be tough"....the way you feel is totally understandable. But you have just proven how very strong you really are inside by breaking up with someone who mistreats you!! I see that as a positive. You've just given yourself a wonderful Christmas present: You've released some awful chains of a 'love' in which you were not being loved the way you should be loved.
Disrespect is disrespect, hon. Don't kid yourself there.
You did the right thing!! And, by doing the right thing, you have increased your self-respect. You don't need no fool treatin' you with disrespect. You have taken over the reins of this horse race now and are free to ride, ride, ride.
We know what this feels like and understand. It sucks right now and of course you cry. You don't have to force yourself to "be tough"....the way you feel is totally understandable. But you have just proven how very strong you really are inside by breaking up with someone who mistreats you!! I see that as a positive. You've just given yourself a wonderful Christmas present: You've released some awful chains of a 'love' in which you were not being loved the way you should be loved.
Disrespect is disrespect, hon. Don't kid yourself there.
You did the right thing!! And, by doing the right thing, you have increased your self-respect. You don't need no fool treatin' you with disrespect. You have taken over the reins of this horse race now and are free to ride, ride, ride.
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