Ann

Christmas can be a hard time of the year for us codies. When the world is feeling the joy, our pain seems to increase and as the year winds down it seems that our dreams have just floated into the universe and we feel helpless, hopeless and sad.

It doesn't have to be that bad, just like our addicted loved ones, we have choices and we can choose to wallow in our sadness or we can choose to get out there and find the joy.

As someone who spent Christmas 2014 in the hospital, with my husband, both fighting cancer...I choose to find the joy. How? Well let's see, there are many ways to find the joy and I hope you all will add to the list.

Stop and listen to a Salvation Army band, at a mall or on a street corner....just stop, listen and soak in the music of love and hope and joy.

Make cookies, or buy some in a pretty box, and wrap them and take them to a neighbour...maybe to the lady who just had a baby, the newly widowed woman next door or maybe to the senior who doesn't get out much. If they invite you in for tea and to share them, stay. Listen to their stories, share the joy of being a good neighbour.

Walk in the snow, watch for nature in the trees or as footprints in the snow. Stop in a quiet place and just pause, look up and give thanks for the beauty of the world...even if you don't feel it right now.

Take a couple of toys to a charity, that some child can open Christmas morning and feel the joy too.

Go to church, to a candlelight service or Christmas Eve, and celebrate the true meaning of the season.

If you are struggling financially this year, call the Salvation Army and get on their Christmas Basket list. Don't be too proud, that's what Christmas is all about for them and some year, when things are better, offer to help them deliver the baskets...I did this a couple of times and it's one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.

Listen to Christmas music, read Christmas stories to your children, take your children out to see the lights or skate on the city skating rink. It's usually free. Make happy memories that don't cost much and that last a lifetime.

No matter how hard life gets, the joy is there if we look hard enough.

How about you? What can you do to make this a season of joy?

Anaya

Merry Christmas, Ann. I very much enjoyed what you've shared! How wonderful.

I am focused on observing The Spirit of the Lord (from a plaque I have in my home) these days. It truly helps me, especially in these times (in the country where I reside) when there's a push to take Christ out of Christmas.

zoso77

My relationship with Christmas is complicated. I have a lot of Christmas trauma that I haven't shared here (nor will I). Suffice to say, I hated this time of year for a long, long time.

In 2013, my best friend and I went to The Capital Grille on the Friday before Christmas. Between us, we pounded back nine Stoli Dolis, two Armagnacs, two Kona rubbed dry aged sirloins topped with shallot butter, parmesan truffle fries, espresso, and dessert. It was quite an expensive bill, but we had a ball and decided to make it a Christmas tradition: Guys Night Out at The Capital Grille.

In 2014, we did the same thing but added two of my buddies.

Last year, we added two more people and engaged in a rather impressive display of gluttony with the consumption of a seafood platter called the Grand Plateau in addition to the food and booze.

This Friday night, we're adding one more person to the mix. The bill is going to be ginormous, and thank God we're going to be in the lounge because the lounge is noisy enough to camouflage what will surely be locker room banter. Boys will be boys.

What this has done over time is given me something to look forward to. I figured, Christmas is coming whether I like it or not, so I might as well do something that time of year to make it enjoyable. It slowly changed how I felt about Christmas. It became less about my history and more about how fortunate I am to have the people I have in my life.

Not that the history doesn't matter. I still carry scars from previous Christmases, and I suppose I will always carry those scars. But they don't overpower me any more.

My fiancée does not like Christmas, so one of the running discussions we've had over the past several weeks is, What can we do to make Christmas a good day? My guess is, after we've completed our obligations to our friends and families on Christmas, we'll settle in at my loft, watch movies, make dinner, and make love. We have a lot to be thankful for this year. My hope for her is, over time, she comes to look at Christmas as a time of year to be thankful for those we love and who love us. She's stubborn, but my guess is over time, she'll slowly shift.


My point: Christmas is coming whether we like it or not. So what do you want to do to make it at least bearable? Don't be passive. Don't accept the status quo if it sucks. Do something to make it better.

Ann

Zoso, you make a good point about starting new traditions, when the old ones no longer are possible or don't serve us well.

The first few Christmases without my son were empty, try as I might, it wasn't the same as having a big family dinner at my place.

For several years we spend Christmas in Florida, making new traditions there like going out for a fresh fish dinner by the docks and then watching the boat parades, all lit up in Christmas splendour.

Just as we were getting the hang of that...we got sick...and spent a couple of quiet Christmases just taking care of ourselves more than anything.

Now? We join my brother and my niece and their families, and we celebrate Christmas and New Years both. This year my brother bought us tickets to a lovely concert New Year's Day and we will have lunch in a nice restaurant in the city ahead of time.

I think that if there is one thing that is important when trying to make traditions...it's finding the joy and embracing it.

Just as Zoso's night out of indulgence has grown over the years, we adapt to the changes in our lives and grow too.

Anyone else? Come on and give us a hand here, think of one way that you can find joy and share it...shine your light on the darkness of Christmas gone bad.

Hugs

Ann

Anaya, I'm with you, the true meaning of Christmas is what matters, and it's been commercialized so much that sometimes we lose sight of what really matters.

I don't always make it, but Christmas eve in a church, any church, is a very special and warm experience that I embrace as often as I can.

Hugs

JimC60

Watch for the little miracles and gifts.

I have been the Usher Captain for the month of December at our church for many years. Among other things this means that I am present for all four services on Christmas Eve.

One Eve shortly after the 8 pm service had started, a young family came in -- mom, dad and a young boy about 4 years old. There were no seats left in the main part of the Sanctuary but there was space at the rear of the church for the family. The area where they were seated has a low ceiling under our balcony and a classically ornate glass wall separating it from the Sanctuary, it is not the best vantage point, but it was all we could offer. Mom was dressed in what I would call business casual, dad appeared to be in the construction trades and judging by his hair, I suspect that he had spent at least part of the day wearing a hard hat.

I wondered about them and the boy, were they on their way home from last second shopping and decided to stop in? Would Santa arrive on schedule to the delight of the child?

It was fairly obvious that mom was well acquainted with "church things" and she helped lead dad through the program. Understandably, the boy was fidgeting and curious as to what was going on on the OTHER side of THAT wall. Mom got distracted for a moment and the boy made a break for it -- into one of the side aisles he went, looking up with that awestruck look which only young children can do -- looking up and up to the lofty ceiling until they almost fall over backwards. Mom panicked at his breech of church protocol, I waved her off and mouthed to her that he was OK. After a minute or so he retreated to mom and dad, but not before he had caught the eye of an elderly lady seated at the end of one of the rear pews.

The boy stayed with mom and dad for a while. The organ started, the choir and congregation rose and the boy was back on the move .......back alongside of the woman who had spotted him earlier. I again waved mom off. The song ended and the lady sat down and scooted over a bit making room for the boy. She patted the space on the pew and to her obvious delight the boy sat down beside her and snuggled right up along side of her, what could she do? She had no choice but to put her arm around him!

The boy stayed with her until the end of the service. When she brought him back, his mom tried to apologize for his behavior. The lady just shook her head and said, "Oh no, no, no, thank you for sharing him with me, it has been a long time since I had a young child who wanted to snuggle with me -- this is the best Christmas Eve I have had in years !"

Sometimes the best gifts are free.

Keep coming back,

Jim

Ilovemysonjj

I was humbuggy earlier in December, but traditions run strong for me. Hubby and I braved the atrocious crowds and picked up our tree on Saturday. I decorated and took the time like I always do to remember the different ornaments and what is special about some of them. Both my kids who are still under our roof were not there to help, so I saved their favorite ornaments so they could hang them up. JJ's stocking is on the wall just where it should be. He may not be with us physically on Christmas, but he's part of our family. And another AWESOME thing about having grown children is they just shop online and hand me the bill LOL. We are going to celebrate with a fantastic dinner and if I shed a few tears, its still going to be okay.
Hugs and love to all who are still suffering both ourselves and our loved ones who are addicted. GOD is very good and healing and love and joy are all rolled up into the magic of the holidays (at least for me )

Ann

Awww, thanks for sharing that Jim, what a lovely Christmas story. And yes, the blessings are all around us, just waiting to happen.

I remember a Christmas Eve concert at a church, years ago. There was a boy about 6 singing loudly and off key but his heart was in it and he just bellowed out "Little Town of Bethlehem" like he owned it and the others in the children's choir smiled and let him sing. It may have been off key and a little hard to hear, but it may have been the loveliest version of that song I ever heard.

That's how it is with joy, that dear boy had joy in his heart and let it all out in song. Joy doesn't have to be in tune or pretty, it's one of those strangely wrapped gifts that just appears when we're not expecting it.

Ann

Your joy shines through your tears, and I am glad that you will carry on and enjoy the magic of Christmas.

Ours may not be the lives that Hallmark is made of, but we have big hearts and strong beliefs and we can make it through anything no matter what life hands us. I think faith is a big part of that. I wouldn't be where I am today without faith, even blind faith when I didn't know where I was going.

Thank you for sharing your Christmas with us, may joy shine at your table and may Christmas miracles and blessings be yours.

Hugs

Sodevastated

Very well written Ann. You truly have the gift in putting everything into words. I agree with you about Christmas being a time when we should try to do things and that it will become what we do with it. It's good to do things and try to rejoice even if we don't really feel like it ( especially for us codies, like you said). I also think that it is a good thing to do something for someone else, if we feel like we don't want to do anything for ourselves- eg. to invite someone who is lonely to eat with us ( not much work for us but such joy for that human being), or giving away a Christmas present to someone who is in need, help someone out shovelling the snow or whatever. It brings so much joy to those people and it feels good to do something of importance for someone else, maybe at a time when we don't feel like doing anything for ourselves. This Christmas will be a sad story for me since my husband passed away, so my Christmas won't be that much about celebrating. It will be taking care of my son and having dinner with my family. People and what we do together is what matters, not the gifts and all the commercial stuff.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy holidays

Hechosedrugs

I love Christmas. This is our first year with a real tree. I got it the day after Thanksgiving- the first day they started selling them. But our house was already decorated. My kids spent Thanksgiving with their dad this year, so that holiday basically didn't exist to me. When the kids asked in mid-November if we could start getting ready for Christmas I said, "Have at it!"

It's nice not having someone to Bah-humbug everything we do. We've been playing Christmas music nonstop, watching Christmas movies, going to tree-lighting ceremonies... everything Christmas! And this year I have money for gifts. This year I don't have to wonder, "How did thousands of dollars go missing when we needed it the most?" and try to do mental gymnastics in order to believe the story I was fed.

Happy Holidays everyone.

CAPTAINZING2000

Nice post Ann

(((Hugs)))

Delilah1

There are several neighborhoods near me where everyone goes Christmas light crazy. I love to drive with the kids to see them.

PhoenixJ

Booze in my body damaged my family so much- this year I have no family. Xmas alone- first itime in my whole existence. So in my recovery program I am taking the extra 10 miles to just listen to others who are not coping. I learn stuff and it may help. Also helping with xmas deco's, the tree, cleaning, sweeping, cooking. Being consciously extra thoughtful at people's crazy behaviour. Praying for my family (sigh).

Ann

PJ, I will pray for your family too. How nice that you are helping others, there is always a double gift in that.

Sodevastated, I am glad you have family to help you through this first difficult Christmas. Sharing and caring are two lovely gifts of joy.

Delilah, I love the lights too. My neighbours here are well lit, in a Christmas way, lol, and it lifts my spirits each evening when the lights come on.

Hechosedrugs, I remember noticing the gift of peace the first few Christmases that my son was gone. It was no longer a time of anxiety, waiting to see what would happen THIS year...and something always did...and reassuring to know that I could just have a quiet time without chaos. The gift of peace is one we all can embrace.

Today we are going to walk at the mall, it's too darn cold outdoors right now, and we will watch children with Santa and listen to the caroles played by the Salvation Army band...and donate again because we are blessed that we can.

Tonight there are some classic Christmas movies on TV, my favourite ever is Miracle on 34th Street, it always makes me smile.

Maudcat

Thank you, Ann. Lovely post.

Eauchiche

I have my place decorated with THREE Christmas trees: one 3' on my train layout, another 3' in my work area, and a 1/4" scale all lit up in front of my miniature buildings on the mantle. Some of my miniature houses have Christmas lights.
Christmas day, I am scheduled to board a train early in the morning to go to Sacramento. They have mass at the Cathedral downtown (the music is luscious), then spend the next day at the California State Railroad museum. The following day, I will head home with a stop in my old stomping grounds to have lunch with my old co-worker.

This old boy has no reason to sit home alone on Christmas day feeling bad. There is too much beauty in the world.

Ann

Eauchiche, I LOVE your mantle display, it's so pretty and warm.

Thank you for sharing your joy.

Ann

PseudoWidow

I started out feeling ready for the holidays...feeling strong. As events come and go it has actually proven more sad than joyous. I hope it turns around soon. I pray daily.