One year sober: becoming the person I had hoped to be
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
One year sober: becoming the person I had hoped to be
This post is very long, so I apologise in advance. I’ve never really fully written down my quitting story, and tonight, on my one year anniversary of sobriety, I felt motivated to do so.
Exactly 1 year ago, I was scared and anxious. It was Day 1. After denying it for so long, I had to admit that drinking was destroying my health: my body was breaking down, my organs were under immense strain, my mind was jittery, my hands shaky and unreliable. I was a keen runner but running caused my liver to ache. Sometimes I would feel nauseous after a run.
Job-wise, I was treading water. I couldn’t even make it into work on time in the mornings. I had started calling in sick when things got too bad the night before. Once, I’d considered myself a go-getter, but I was unmotivated and listless at work. I was anxious speaking in front of groups because I couldn’t trust myself, didn’t know when I would start to sweat or hyperventilate in the middle of speaking. There were times my hands shook so badly after a particularly bad weekend of drinking I couldn’t sign my name or write it out.
In the middle of all that, I had managed to wangle a huge opportunity, to move back home to Head Office, to a great position after years abroad. It was a culmination of years of effort and on the outside it looked fantastic. But I was secretly terrified. I knew that because of my drinking I would fail, and probably fail spectacularly.
In short, I was a wreck, and if I went back to HQ it would only be a matter of time before someone found out how bad things were, and that would be my job completely down the pan. And everything else would be flushed away with it.
I prayed to find the strength to stop. Most important of all, I knew the drink was killing me and, God help me, I did not want to die from drinking. Right out loud, I spoke to Jesus (not one of my friends or family would ever expect me to do this, I’m sure, as I am most certainly not outwardly religious). I said in my heart if He really is a brother to humanity and the soul I believe Him to be, He would help me. Out loud I simply said, Jesus please help me, I need to stop drinking.
My prayers were answered - I know they were and there is no other way to put it.
I started forming a plan to stop in the New Year. Then in mid-December I confided the intention to a dear friend, who pointed out the obvious: "if you really want to stop drinking, why wait?!" She gave me the name of a medical practice. At work the next morning, I made an appointment. I spilled it all out to the doctor that day in her office. It was a nerve-wracking experience. It was the first time I had admitted out loud to someone (a doctor, no less) the full extent of my drinking . The doctor took it very seriously. She didn’t judge me. She told me to stop immediately, and we worked out how best to do that, medically speaking. Really, right there and then, the last shreds of my denial were torn away and I knew from a fundamental place that I absolutely had to stop for good. I had to somehow find a way to do it.
This thought - that I just had to find a way to stop - led me back to SR. A year before I’d joined and halfheartedly tried to stop, but utterly underestimating what I needed to do, didn’t last a week. So I managed to remember my username and logged back on. I joined the Dec 2015 class and with new determination I embarked upon the whole thing as the gravely serious task it was. I knew I needed to arm myself with knowledge and ideas from all the incredible people here who had successfully quit for years, like Dee and Anna and so many others here.
Well, that was a year ago. By taking the very good advice from these pages, I have stayed sober. Based on that advice, I created a plan and followed it, I stayed close to SR, I posted everyday in my class thread, I changed around my routine to avoid my trigger times, I played the tape forward when the cravings struck, I read recovery literature for motivation, and I educated myself about the affliction of alcoholism that I have. I made sobriety top priority. And, over time, I created a new life for myself simply by accepting or seeking out opportunities to do things differently - without drinking being the excuse for everything the way it used to be.
In the last year, I have had a lot to be grateful for. I am fitter than ever, running faster times and looking stronger and leaner than I ever have. I’m aiming to run a marathon next year which will be my second, but most importantly my first one sober. I took up flying last month, because I’ve always wanted to, ever since I was a little girl. I plan to get my pilot’s licence next year.
Six months ago (and six months into sobriety), I made the job transfer and moved over 4000 miles back home. I now live in a city I love, close to my family. I wake up every morning and go to work on time, happy and clearheaded. Last week, my mentor - the man who actually hired me to the job and helped me with the transfer - informed me that, from everything he’d been told, my move had been a success. I have goals in my career now that I am energised to really go for, to shoot for the moon ... I think to myself, why not ... one can achieve only if one tries, and now I am finally becoming one of those people who really could.
Thank you if you have got to here and read the whole thing.
If you are contemplating sobriety or in early days, do whatever you need to do to get sober and stay sober. In the beginning it’s fairly normal I’d say to be obsessed with alcohol and saying sober. But right now although I continue to work on myself I don’t waste much energy on thinking about drinking. There is a whole thing out there called LIFE, that sobriety has made possible. One year is still early in the grand scheme of things, but it has shown me how much promise there is in the sober way of life.
Finally, thank you SR and all of you here. This place is heaven-sent.
Exactly 1 year ago, I was scared and anxious. It was Day 1. After denying it for so long, I had to admit that drinking was destroying my health: my body was breaking down, my organs were under immense strain, my mind was jittery, my hands shaky and unreliable. I was a keen runner but running caused my liver to ache. Sometimes I would feel nauseous after a run.
Job-wise, I was treading water. I couldn’t even make it into work on time in the mornings. I had started calling in sick when things got too bad the night before. Once, I’d considered myself a go-getter, but I was unmotivated and listless at work. I was anxious speaking in front of groups because I couldn’t trust myself, didn’t know when I would start to sweat or hyperventilate in the middle of speaking. There were times my hands shook so badly after a particularly bad weekend of drinking I couldn’t sign my name or write it out.
In the middle of all that, I had managed to wangle a huge opportunity, to move back home to Head Office, to a great position after years abroad. It was a culmination of years of effort and on the outside it looked fantastic. But I was secretly terrified. I knew that because of my drinking I would fail, and probably fail spectacularly.
In short, I was a wreck, and if I went back to HQ it would only be a matter of time before someone found out how bad things were, and that would be my job completely down the pan. And everything else would be flushed away with it.
I prayed to find the strength to stop. Most important of all, I knew the drink was killing me and, God help me, I did not want to die from drinking. Right out loud, I spoke to Jesus (not one of my friends or family would ever expect me to do this, I’m sure, as I am most certainly not outwardly religious). I said in my heart if He really is a brother to humanity and the soul I believe Him to be, He would help me. Out loud I simply said, Jesus please help me, I need to stop drinking.
My prayers were answered - I know they were and there is no other way to put it.
I started forming a plan to stop in the New Year. Then in mid-December I confided the intention to a dear friend, who pointed out the obvious: "if you really want to stop drinking, why wait?!" She gave me the name of a medical practice. At work the next morning, I made an appointment. I spilled it all out to the doctor that day in her office. It was a nerve-wracking experience. It was the first time I had admitted out loud to someone (a doctor, no less) the full extent of my drinking . The doctor took it very seriously. She didn’t judge me. She told me to stop immediately, and we worked out how best to do that, medically speaking. Really, right there and then, the last shreds of my denial were torn away and I knew from a fundamental place that I absolutely had to stop for good. I had to somehow find a way to do it.
This thought - that I just had to find a way to stop - led me back to SR. A year before I’d joined and halfheartedly tried to stop, but utterly underestimating what I needed to do, didn’t last a week. So I managed to remember my username and logged back on. I joined the Dec 2015 class and with new determination I embarked upon the whole thing as the gravely serious task it was. I knew I needed to arm myself with knowledge and ideas from all the incredible people here who had successfully quit for years, like Dee and Anna and so many others here.
Well, that was a year ago. By taking the very good advice from these pages, I have stayed sober. Based on that advice, I created a plan and followed it, I stayed close to SR, I posted everyday in my class thread, I changed around my routine to avoid my trigger times, I played the tape forward when the cravings struck, I read recovery literature for motivation, and I educated myself about the affliction of alcoholism that I have. I made sobriety top priority. And, over time, I created a new life for myself simply by accepting or seeking out opportunities to do things differently - without drinking being the excuse for everything the way it used to be.
In the last year, I have had a lot to be grateful for. I am fitter than ever, running faster times and looking stronger and leaner than I ever have. I’m aiming to run a marathon next year which will be my second, but most importantly my first one sober. I took up flying last month, because I’ve always wanted to, ever since I was a little girl. I plan to get my pilot’s licence next year.
Six months ago (and six months into sobriety), I made the job transfer and moved over 4000 miles back home. I now live in a city I love, close to my family. I wake up every morning and go to work on time, happy and clearheaded. Last week, my mentor - the man who actually hired me to the job and helped me with the transfer - informed me that, from everything he’d been told, my move had been a success. I have goals in my career now that I am energised to really go for, to shoot for the moon ... I think to myself, why not ... one can achieve only if one tries, and now I am finally becoming one of those people who really could.
Thank you if you have got to here and read the whole thing.
If you are contemplating sobriety or in early days, do whatever you need to do to get sober and stay sober. In the beginning it’s fairly normal I’d say to be obsessed with alcohol and saying sober. But right now although I continue to work on myself I don’t waste much energy on thinking about drinking. There is a whole thing out there called LIFE, that sobriety has made possible. One year is still early in the grand scheme of things, but it has shown me how much promise there is in the sober way of life.
Finally, thank you SR and all of you here. This place is heaven-sent.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
What a wonderful inspiring post.
I think I also stopped the last time about then, but I am really not sure. It was not my first time at the stopping rodeo, but turns out it was may last -- who knew?
I have the exact same sentiments as you -- immense gratitude to SR and the universe for getting me here, and a desire to spend the rest of my living that gratitude through my actions.
I realise now that the science is right that adversity does help us appreciate more and strive higher -- not that I would wish this disease on anyone, but if you got it, might as well embrace it because like everything in life it has its lesson to give us if we stop and listen. Stopping being the operative word.
We are who we are, including this affliction. It is part of me and has made me who I am. And now that I am sober I can be that person.
You go girl -- very cool about the pilots license!
Thank you again.
I think I also stopped the last time about then, but I am really not sure. It was not my first time at the stopping rodeo, but turns out it was may last -- who knew?
I have the exact same sentiments as you -- immense gratitude to SR and the universe for getting me here, and a desire to spend the rest of my living that gratitude through my actions.
I realise now that the science is right that adversity does help us appreciate more and strive higher -- not that I would wish this disease on anyone, but if you got it, might as well embrace it because like everything in life it has its lesson to give us if we stop and listen. Stopping being the operative word.
We are who we are, including this affliction. It is part of me and has made me who I am. And now that I am sober I can be that person.
You go girl -- very cool about the pilots license!
Thank you again.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
Powerful story, MissPerfumado. I'm very happy for you. I'll always remember that you were one of the people who reached out to me with encouragement in my early days. You're a great credit to SR and a powerful testament to the benefits of sobriety. Way to go! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
SO very happy for you MissP
I love reading your recovery story - living is amazing when sober and embracing all the wonderful events, moments in time, and new opportunities are so much more appreciated.
Continue to love the life you were meant to have MissP.
I love reading your recovery story - living is amazing when sober and embracing all the wonderful events, moments in time, and new opportunities are so much more appreciated.
Continue to love the life you were meant to have MissP.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Congrats to you and thank you for posting and sharing ..
These stories such as yours are inspiration and remind me how great it is to be free of alcohol.
I too was slowly killing myself... I knew it was effecting my work/job and family life .. Only a matter of time until things would crumble.
So grateful to have our lives back!
Congrats on 1 year !
These stories such as yours are inspiration and remind me how great it is to be free of alcohol.
I too was slowly killing myself... I knew it was effecting my work/job and family life .. Only a matter of time until things would crumble.
So grateful to have our lives back!
Congrats on 1 year !
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 170
Did you replace the drink with anything other than the running? Do you find you have a lot of time? how was your motivation to do other things early in the recovery? Well done and thanks for the inspiration!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Congratulations on a year sober MissPerfumado that is awesome & I'm happy for you thank you for sharing your experience I'm sure it will resonate with many
Couldn't believe what I read when you mentioned your going after your pilots licence that's a great goal & you earn a pair of wings in the process
Big well done from me MissPerfumado
Couldn't believe what I read when you mentioned your going after your pilots licence that's a great goal & you earn a pair of wings in the process
Big well done from me MissPerfumado
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
That was a great read and congratulations. The detail in which you describe your physical condition (not able to speak, can't sign your name) brought back memories. Reading it helps strengthen my resolve.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 174
Congratulations! One year is amazing! You should be so very proud of your commitment to choosing life. I'm nearing one month and I look forward the day I can say it's been one year. Great post! You give me inspiration to continue to make the right choice.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
I noticed I was the only one thanking all the people thanking you for your post. I guess I'm just thankful. Is that weird? Am I weird? Yes I guess I am. Anyway, congrats on the year, I only hope to get there some day. Tom
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