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Wanting to go Teetotal

Old 12-12-2016, 03:38 AM
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Wanting to go Teetotal

Hi,

I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic or not. I don't think I am yet but I definitely have the potential to do so.

On average I probably drink 2 to 4 nights a week. Mainly beer, as wine and spirits get me too wasted. Once I get the taste for it, I can't stop.

I've drunk drove so many times to get more alcohol which I'm very ashamed of.

When I drink I can become quite nasty. Most days I'm fine and just drink myself to tiredness and go to bed. But if there is a guy or girl I like around, I can get quite slutty.

I'm happily married and I feel awful for the way I have treated my husband in the past.

It's just ****. I'm a bad person when I drink but I always crave that buzz that alcohol gives me.

I want to go Teetotal but don't know where to start. I'm in the UK and don't think I'm bad enough to go to AA? They might think I'm a dick for turning up? Or maybe I am bad enough to go there?

All I know is I crave alcohol a lot, it's hard for me to say no to it and I hate myself when I drink.
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Old 12-12-2016, 03:45 AM
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Em go to AA. The only demon about AA meetings lives inside people who feel uncomfortable with the notion of an 'alcoholic'. Call it what you will- you have identified your behaviour changes markedly with drinking to the point it clashes with your sober self. There is no harm in reaching out for help. Perhaps also talk to your doctor, or go to a SMART meeting. Whatever you do- don't just rationalise your feelings away or run away from it. Also- read around the threads here. Welcome, keep posting. PJ
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Old 12-12-2016, 03:45 AM
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Welcome Em

There's no volume or frequency requirements for AA The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

If you're open to the idea why not go along and check a meeting out?
You'll find a lot of support here too

D
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Old 12-12-2016, 04:27 AM
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Sounds to me like you are an alcoholic if you are drinking and driving and doing things when drunk that impair your relationship. Why not quit now before something serious happens?
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Old 12-12-2016, 04:51 AM
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Hi an welcome to SR

It certainly sounds like you have 'lost control' over your drinking. I'm not a fan of the term 'alcoholic' if i'm honest with you, but I'd echo what others have said in terms of maybe checking a meeting out. There are a tonne of different support groups these days too, this forum being one of them .
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Old 12-12-2016, 05:23 AM
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Welcome. I am new here too and also in the UK.
You said:
'Once I get a taste for it, I can't stop'.

I think that probably is a problem of sorts isn't it? I can be like that too - not every time but too often nevertheless.
I think it is great you are considering this. I am only on day 8 but feeling good. Why not give it a month and see how that works out for you?
Also, no support group worth its salt would ever judge you in that way. They are there to help - and there are lots of them around.
Best of luck to you, good to have you here.
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Old 12-12-2016, 05:44 AM
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Hi and welcome.

Sounds like drinking is causing some big problems in your life....one of the things you will here around here is "the yets"....as in, my drinking hasn't cost me anything big "yet" [ie your husband, an arrest for DUI, hurting yourself or someone else, etc]....I'm not that bad [don't drink as much/often/etc] "yet"....

If your life- or parts of it- are becoming unmanageable and you can't stop once you do start, when you drink, the idea of checking out AA is a good one. It sure has saved my life, among many others out there. And as Dee said- and so does your thread title "wanting to go Teetotal," btw- the only desire for "membership" is the desire to quit drinking. AA doesn't judge the how/why/how much that got you there- it welcomes everyone with a problem looking for a solution.

There's also lots of support here- check out the Newcomers Threads and "Class of Dec."

Good luck.
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Old 12-12-2016, 06:03 AM
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The way I see it you wouldn't be on this Forum making this post if you didn't feel your drinking habits were a problem.

Enough said.
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Old 12-12-2016, 06:26 AM
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Hi Em hope you decide to join us regularly it's a great site lots of recovery all under one roof (I sound like the toys r us advert lol)
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Old 12-12-2016, 07:07 AM
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Welcome, Em!
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Old 12-12-2016, 07:37 AM
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Hi em, "alcoholic" is just a label, and has no strict definition. If alcohol is causing problems, its wise to consider quitting...for good. It is not difficult to quit, its difficult to stay quit but very rewarding. If you do, no more days of being slutty or a crappy person. Its just better.
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Old 12-12-2016, 07:54 AM
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I didn't think I was "bad enough" for AA the first few times I was around it. Being sentenced to it wasn't enough to shock me into seeking the things I had in common versus focusing on the things that seemed to "not be for me".

A decade later, more DUIs, more divorces, more financial ruin, more health issues, more damage and far deeper into addiction.... I finally went to AA with an open mind. I chose to see 'them' as fellow humans who had also found that alcohol had done more harm than good in their lives. I chose to see AA as a possible source of change, of community, of understanding and of support for a life of sobriety rather than a group of people "worse than me" who I didn't belong with.

I could still have seen "them" as "worse than me". there's always someone worse, of course.

But I opened up my mind and my heart and my vulnerability and I saw that I was 'like them' and it had been 'for me' all along. It just took me 10+ years and a lot of heartache, headache and damage to figure it out.

Walk through those doors, get yourself a Big Book, open yourself to what you can learn from the experience, the program and the community you find.

For me, AA was an essential, critically valuable part of my nearly three years of sobriety. My life is vastly improved. I don't go to AA often these days. I never did 'work all the steps' quite as the program intends. I never did do the whole thing..... but I did and I continue to take pieces of the program into my daily life. I did and continue to reference the Big Book and the principles and I did and continue to 'work steps' in my own way.

I don't see "God" as a lot of people in AA (or in religions) are apt to. But I am well past the judgement I used to carry about "The God Thing" where AA is concerned.

Embrace sobriety. Embrace it deeply and act in that direction every day and you will find your life ascending to heights you never dared imagine.

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Old 12-12-2016, 09:40 AM
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Hi em I'm in the UK too. I dislike the term alcoholic. If alcohol is causing you problems or concerns then stopping drinking really is the only option. It's great you've recognised it before something bad happens.
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Old 12-12-2016, 10:00 AM
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As others have said, don't worry about the label 'alcoholic'. Alcohol is causing problems in your life, and you have decided to stop drinking, and that's great. You will find lots of support here.
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Old 12-12-2016, 10:09 AM
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Welcome to SR Em.

If sounds as if your Alcohol comsumption is causing you a lot of problems.

Nobody will judge you at an AA meeting,the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

You can always phone your local AA helpline number and talk to someone,all the responders are AA members.

Wishing you well.
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Old 12-12-2016, 10:24 AM
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I agree with everyone, you don't have to label yourself an alcoholic, but based on your post it sounds like alcohol is causing alot of problems in your life. It reminds me of how I used to feel when I drank. I'm 5 years clean from alcohol but traded it for a 3 year addiction to opiates from which I'm now 24 days clean.

I told myself I wasn't an alcoholic, I said I have a 'reason' to drink so it's ok, I'm a responsible person, I go to work every day and most of the time function just fine. I finally realized that I was being deceived by an evil addiction and I would tell myself anything I needed to to justify my drinking and to be able to keep doing it. My life is infinately better without alcohol, I'm not a slave to the lies any longer.

I have found so many great kind knowledgeable people here. You are in the right place!
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Old 12-12-2016, 12:38 PM
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I could have written your post when I first joined this forum.

First month I stayed sober / went teetotal /was on the waggon / didn't drink. Managed it but realky struggled. A month in I finally went to an AA meeting. I kind of hoped they were going to laugh and say of course I wasn't an alcoholic and send me on my way with some nice info about how I could learn to cut down and drink like a normal person. What actually happened was that as I say and listened to the other people's experiences, how they felt, how they'd dealt with 'stuff' in the past, how the person inside wasn't the same person they'd projected on the outside, that they had carried so many deep and dark feelings (guilt, shame, resentment, anger) for years and years, and that they felt like no one ever really 'got' them and they felt kind of separate from others and lonely even when surrounded busy other people. ... etc. etc. Because alcoholism isn't actually just about our drinking. The drinking is a symptom of our alcoholic thinking. You don't need to have lost everything, or be drinking at breakfast time, or have a rope round your waist, or drink on benches, etc to be an alcoholic. I didn't drink every day, but when I did drink, all bets were off as I could not say that I would be able to stop when I intended to stop. When I drank I felt like a different person. As someone else said (can't remember who) I felt 'witter, prettier, and tittier!'

I'd suggest going along to an Open meeting. Maybe even a ladies only one if you're worried. Open meetings are for both alcoholics and people who have an interest in the subject (Sometimes people like yourself who aren't sure yet, and sometimes family or friends of alcoholics ). It's also worth reading around the subject. I found the books Monkey on My Shoulder and Living Sober really helpful at first. I got both from Amazon UK for my Kindle and they were cheap as chips.

You can use the AA meeting finder online to locate an Open meeting near you, searching by postcode... Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd

In the meantime, keep reading and posting on here. There are some amazing people on this site who I'll be grateful to for always. Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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Old 12-12-2016, 03:06 PM
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Wow!
Thank you so much everyone for your replies I will have a good read through them all tomorrow.

A lot of what you all have said has definitely hit home.

I've had 6 beers tonight. Me and my husband have spoken about it and he supports my decision to go Teetotal. Although he did suggest starting it in January as he thinks the next couple of weeks might be hard. He doesn't drink at all himself.

Problem is I'm an all or nothing person. I was anorexic at 13, weighing 6stone (84Ibs). I binge ate and put weight on, then developed bulimia at 16 and got down to 6 stone again. I've since binge eaten and am now overweight. This might seem irrelevant but honestly, food is almost like alcohol to me. I can't have a little bit of what I like. I have to do it til I'm physically sick. Once I get the taste, I can't stop.

I will look into AA, does anyone know if you need to be referred by your Gp? Or can I self refer?

Thanks again everyone xx
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Old 12-12-2016, 03:39 PM
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No Em you can just turn up at a meeting,you will be warmly welcomed.

I am in the UK,you can phone your local helpline number if you have any questions or you want someone to go to your first meeting with.
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Old 12-12-2016, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Em24 View Post
Wow!
...Problem is I'm an all or nothing person. I was anorexic at 13, weighing 6stone (84Ibs). I binge ate and put weight on, then developed bulimia at 16 and got down to 6 stone again. I've since binge eaten and am now overweight. This might seem irrelevant but honestly, food is almost like alcohol to me. I can't have a little bit of what I like. I have to do it til I'm physically sick. Once I get the taste, I can't stop.

I will look into AA, does anyone know if you need to be referred by your Gp? Or can I self refer?

Thanks again everyone xx
Not irrelevant at all. Just part of that addictive / alcoholic thinking. There are plenty of what they call 'double winners' amongst us. That means that we have more than one thing that we use to try to make things better (that is a very simplified explanation, but hey, it's not even 5.30am yet lol ). For some that may be using food to control their feelings (and that can look like controlling intake or eating excessively). If you are prone to acting out in bulimic ways I think a program of recovery is especially important, as some people just try to Quit and don't work on recovery and then just transfer addiction and act out in other ways. It may even be worth investigating OA (Overeaters Anonymous ) which works the same principles and 12-step program of recovery. It is for people who have issues around food generally, not just straightforward overeating.

What I didn't realise when going to AA Is that their recovery program isn't just about stopping drinking. It's about finding diffrent and more positive ways to deal with life on life's terms. Of addressing that all-or-nothing, perfectionist-to-f***-it thinking that is, I have realised, common to people with addictive tendencies. Of dealing with the way we feel things (ohhhh so intensely - we can be a sensitive lot). Our grudges. Our rages. The rejection we feel. .. I could go on (if it wasn't 5.30am lol).


You can just drop in any AA meeting. One of the beautiful things, I think, about AA is that wherever I am in the world, it's likely there will be a meeting I can go along to. And that room will be full of people who 'get' me. A lovely man i know at my local AA fellowship refers to AA people as being his 'Clan'. And I get what he means. I never expected to be able to feel as close, accepted, understood, or loved as I do by the friends I have made in AA.

Anyway, there are lots of threads on here about meetings are like and what to expect. Here is one, but yiu could do a search for others to read through. .. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html

My top tip is to arrive at least 5 to 10 mins before the start time so you can get your bearings and comfortable before the actual meeting starts. Also, to have a pack of tissues in your pocket (just in case) as many people, me included, find that first meeting quite emotional and the loo paper isn't always great quality for eye wiping and nose blowing in public venues.

Ask away of you have any questions, even if you feel they might be silly or irrelevant. There's no such thing as a silly question. And what seems irrelevant at first often turns out to be quite relevant to our recovery after all.

BB
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