Esther414

I'm here because I don't know.. I need support. My father relapsed after 8 years and it's tearing me apart. I'm a grown woman but it brings me back to my teenage years and it just breaks my heart This is so rough and people that haven't been through it don't understand.

PhoenixJ

Welcome Esther, SR is a safe, supportive community. I understand- stuff happens that can't be in our control. Addiction sucks. Have you thought about getting some therapist support? As you said- this has raised some very sad things from your past. Keep posting. My prayers to you. PJ

dandylion

Esther414...have you ever heard of Adult Children of Alcoholics?....as I think it could be of particular help for you.....

Esther414

Thank you both.

I have not heard of that, what is it?

LexieCat

Hi, Esther,

Just wanted to welcome you. I don't know much about ACOA, myself, but I know how it feels to have a loved one relapse. Upsetting doesn't begin to describe it.

This is a great place for support. Hope you will stick around.

Esther414

Thank you, Lexie.

I know my father needs some therapy as well as my entire family. So many questions..

I keep looking at my 8 and 3 year old and thinking they're my all, I don't ever want them to feel the way I do.

LexieCat

What was your dad doing to stay sober before his relapse? Was he a member of AA? Was he in any other program?

What does he say he wants to do now? Does he want to stop drinking?

Esther414

He was going to AA meetings and then he kept going less and less and stopped. I know he needed to keep going.

It's been a week from what he says but I believe he started drinking here and there for it to have gotten to where he's getting the shakes. Just this weekend my mother told my brothers and I. My youngest brother went and saw him today as we just got back from vacation a few hours ago and he said my father said he doesn't want to stop drinking right now

I told father I'm not angry but the truth is I am somewhat angry. As well as many other things!

I'm reading through some other threads and stickies hoping to learn a little more. Honestly I had never taken the time to think it's just not him that needs the support but us as well.

LexieCat

Yeah, unfortunately there's not a lot you can do until he's ready to stop, though you can certainly express your concern and your hope he will decide to go back to AA. If your mom knows any of his old AA friends, it might be worth giving one of them a call to talk to him. It's very hard for someone to come back into AA after "going out"--there's usually a lot of shame and embarrassment, though everyone will be understanding and welcome him back. It happens to lots of people--sadly, even those with a lot of time sober. I've been sober for 8 years, myself, and it's always important to remember that we are all just one drink away from a relapse.

You, your siblings, and your mom would all probably benefit a whole lot from Al-Anon. It was a lifeline for me when my second husband went back to drinking after almost dying from it. I think you're smart to recognize the need for support for yourself.

Esther414

Thank you for your words, Lexie.

DoubleDragons

Hi Esther, I understand your pain. My alcoholic mother and extremely enabling codependent father are my qualifiers. I went NC with them in March because neither one will admit that there is a real problem, despite so much obvious evidence and pain that we all have endured because of it. This will be the first Christmas I won't spend with them in my entire life (and I am in my late forties)!

I will keep your father in my prayers. I am hopeful that all of those years of recovery and what he learned during those years will flood back into his consciousness and give him strength to quit drinking again.

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))

Esther414

Thank you so much, Double! I appreciate it. I hope he also find the strength to change but right now it seems like he doesn't want to.