December2016

I suffer from extreme anxiety. I have been trying to stop drinking. Last night I went to a party and drank. I have extreme anxiety when I'm hungover, even when there isn't a General "thing" to have extreme anxiety about and that's not always the case. . I recently went to my first meetings earlier in the week. I'm so mad at myself right now, and I'm also extremely thankful that I got a get out of jail free card by not going home with anyone or anything. But I'm so scared and ******* mad at myself and anxious.
I was drinking heavily up until the spring. I managed to stop but not completely. I would have an emotional day and maybe 3 times over the summer I would end up getting completely wasted. I'm waiting for therapy and have found this forum so helpful to read, so thank you for that. I went to my first meetings this week and was trying to find and push myself harder to find the tools to not drink when things like that occur. As, since about two months ago, I've been struggling with saying I wouldn't drink and then the weekend or an event arrives and I completely ignore everything I want and do it.
I'm so scared. So scared of what alcohol ruins and what can ensue after I start drinking. I'm so scared and so anxious and mad at myself.

FreeOwl

After I stopped drinking, I started to realize I had anxiety....

Then, as I started to understand anxiety and how to process and cope with it, and as I got more and more sobriety under my feet, I bean to realize how long I'd had anxiety that was being CAUSED by drinking and drugging, that I tried to TREAT with drinking and drugging, leading to MORE anxiety that I tried to treat by applying more of the cause....

Man, I'm glad to be free of that never-ending ferris wheel of crap.

Sometimes I feel a little anxious over certain thoughts or events nowadays..... but I mostly no longer feel I 'Have Anxiety'. I'm just a human being. And as a Human Being, sometimes, anxiety is part of life.

By no longer responding to it by trying to escape it or blot it out or "treat" it with substances that only make it worse..... I have come to just accept it as part of the experience of life.

I promise - if you choose to embrace sobriety and begin to address life on life's terms, and take the actions we must take in really LIVING a sober life..... anxiety will cease to be the problem it is for you.

Anna

Welcome! You are not alone. Most of us have felt the same way. Alcoholism destroys our self-respect, and that in turn keeps us hooked. Coming here to SR is a good plan because you will always find support here. One suggestion I might make is that it's helpful to avoid certain social situations and certain people. It could be a good idea to stay away from places where there is alcohol until you feel more confident.

Coldfusion

Meetings and SoberRecovery are a great combination. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!

Here's a couple good threads to join:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6239950

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...thread-14.html

Ariesagain

Resilience dissolves in alcohol. I know it seems like alcohol is the only thing that helps your anxiety, but it's a lie...it's like using gasoline to try to put out a campfire. At 11+ months, I am surprised every day at how much better I handle nearly everything instead of freaking myself out.

Do you have a doctor or therapist who can help you address your anxiety other ways while you are getting sober? A thorough checkup is a great start, as you may have underlying health conditions that are making you more prone to be anxious.

Sending you a hug.

Delilah1

You will find lots of support on here. I also deal with anxiety, and it has lessened greatly since being sober. You can do this. Stick around and read and post lots. Also, keep going to meetings, or whatever other face to face support you need to stay sober.

teaorcoffee

I found not drinking made me anxious at first, but then I found drinking made me anxious about people finding out, about not having drink in the house, about getting to work.
My anxiety has decreased since I'm not drinking, because I'm not trying to cover stuff up anymore and letting so much stuff get on top of me.
Keep posting, join the December group - the peeps here kept me going when I first started, even if I wasn't posting much in the beginning, it was good to know I wasn't on my own.

December2016

i really appreciate the words of wisdom and response, thank you!
I need to get serious about a plan and working it so this is not how I have to wake up to feel ever again.
I haven't been able to have it completely out of my life, hopefully this day forward I can say differently, but the sobriety that I have experienced has shown me how great life can feel without trashing my spirit, mind, body or life with it. I can control my anxiety without it and everything else, every single thing is so much better and my self respect is returned.
I went to a Christmas party which I had a plan but I will avoid known places that I become weak. I try to bottle how I feel and remind myself, but it seems lately, and probably because I've started a new habit of allowing myself, on The weekend. I don't buy it but live in a house that I have access to it. I struggle with at the end of the week i feel exhausted and like I want a release, I stupidly drink. I need to make a plan so I don't feel this way and get back to healing myself.

December2016

Ive been waiting to get in to see someone since October. That's around the time, I felt myself habitually slipping.
I haven't had solid sobriety, but prior to October I had eliminated all drinking casually or otherwise, and would make it maybe 40 days and then it was during emotional duress, like a big event such as a breakup I would lose all control and stupidly choose to get drunk. Which is stupid but I seemed to be able to eliminate and not go to it other then in an extreme emotion which is I'd like therapy in general but also to learn techniques to deal with my emotions.
However, what has been happening since October, is that I've made it a habitual thing again and I'm struggling to not do it come the weekends.
I feel like insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I know what it does to me, I can see it for what it is, and yet I'm doing it to myself.
I

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum December!!

Dee74

Hi and welcome December

A lot of us tried to drink our anxiety away...unfortunately over time, I found I not only had the original anxiety but an added anxiety from wanting/needing to drink.

Using alcohol to medicate my anxiety became a little like using gas to put out a fire.

I understand it might be, what, a few weeks before you see your preferred Dr.?

If you can stop drinking and try and get through the anxiety (with the help of support here) you'll be in a much better place after a few weeks I think?

D

bexxed

I'm glad you're here and I understand the anxiety when hung over. It is such an awful and debilitating feeling.

I found a lot of support on this forum, and I know that you can, too.

Take care of yourself today.

B

Forward12

I also have severe anxiety and would use booze to cope, but as you know it's a false sense of relief as the anxiety comes back 10 fold because of it. Stay strong until you can meet with your therapist. This site is a great place and AA meetings like you mentioned will help until you can see them, or just keep going for the support.

Plure

Welcome December, glad you found us!

One thing that helped me in my sobriety journey was realizing that I have underlying anxiety and, to a lesser extent, depression. Once alcohol came into my life, things were initially great as it totally killed anxiety. Problem is that over time the anxiety came back with a vengeance and was actually made worse by alcohol.

Getting on an anti-depressant (which works for anxiety) was what gave my mind a break. Now that I've been on it for a couple of years, I realize how bad my underlying anxiety was...no wonder I was drinking like a fish! Of course, I've had a few slip ups since then, but they have been much less severe (meaning not drinking nearly as much).

Good that you're working with a therapist and hopefully you can see your doctor too.

Hang in there!

thomas11

The irrational fear of impending doom was a strong motivator in quitting for me. It was intense.

Who wants to through life afraid of everything? I don't. So I quit. Hope you find relief, and I think you will if you embrace sobriety.

December2016

This site is such a beacon of light and support. Thank you so much.

I'm feeling a million times better today, and more clear headed the further it gets out of my system.
Thank you for the kind words and for the support.
I want sobriety more then I want to drink. Yesterday is gone, I have today and the future. I want to succeed this time. I need to work it and not be disillusioned.
I know it starts in my mind and I have to be honest with myself that I am an alcoholic and being sober is my holy grace. One drink is always to many.
Thanks again and may you all have a beautiful sober clear headed day today!

December2016

And everyone is so right regarding anxiety.
I'm looking forward to try cognitive behavioural therapy and to receive one on one therapy.

I don't know why I manage to disregard how debilitating my anxiousness is the following day.
I'm not sure why I keep doing this to myself but I'm hoping I take it this time as a way to analyze where I'm going wrong and work a program plan that I will not do this to myself anymore.

Ariesagain

A thought...maybe write yourself a letter before the memory fades and your addiction starts lying to you again about how booze is the solution and not a big part of the problem. In it, describe in detail how you were feeling when you woke up...how lost and scared. Then keep that letter handy.

You can do this!

thomas11

Does the anxiety quiet down when you consume alcohol?

December2016

Thanks, I will do that. Maybe having it on paper might reinforce although it's like I know today how much better I feel and then after time passes I disillusion myself that I'll be okay to have fun.
It's not okay. It's one of many reasons not to.