does anyone know if crack addicts feel remorse?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Does this person have a personality disorder? Is he/she a sociopath? If so, maybe they don't have a conscious. If they are an otherwise normal human being who is physically dependent on a substance, the drug usually wins over anything else. If one is physically addicted to something as strong as crack, he/she has lost control and it no longer becomes a choice whether to use or not. Their body goes into withdrawal if they don't use. Somewhere they are aware of pain they have caused others but until they are no longer dependent on the drug, they can't address it. This is where a good inpatient rehab can help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I don't think all addicts think the same.
Some of them, like me, did feel remorse. I'm sure others do too, and I sure some do not,
There is good bad and all kinds between in every addict just like people
Even tho I believe I'm a basically good person, I did bad things as an addict.
I just don't know if your ex feels remorse or not but it sounds like he's made a choice.
I hope you can find the strength within to look after yourself and move on.
You deserve better.
D
D
Some of them, like me, did feel remorse. I'm sure others do too, and I sure some do not,
There is good bad and all kinds between in every addict just like people
Even tho I believe I'm a basically good person, I did bad things as an addict.
I just don't know if your ex feels remorse or not but it sounds like he's made a choice.
I hope you can find the strength within to look after yourself and move on.
You deserve better.
D
D
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I think the chemical properties and action on the brain differs depending on the substance. I have heard some drugs are incredibly destructive to normal brain function. P is an example. Very fast to addict, really bad behavioral consequences.
My sponsor worked in the youth justice system with substance abusers. Many of these could be described as having no conscience. Whether it was the substance or their upbringing, they seems to lack values. They were quite ambivalent about life, nothing made them feel good or bad. To give an example, one of the boys had pushed his girlfriends face into a charcoal barbecue because he was bored and thought it would be interesting. There was no empathy or conscience there.
My sponsor worked in the youth justice system with substance abusers. Many of these could be described as having no conscience. Whether it was the substance or their upbringing, they seems to lack values. They were quite ambivalent about life, nothing made them feel good or bad. To give an example, one of the boys had pushed his girlfriends face into a charcoal barbecue because he was bored and thought it would be interesting. There was no empathy or conscience there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: calgary
Posts: 35
well I be just heard that crack changes the chemistry in your brain and it takes over in the moral partof what's right and wrong anymore. I just wonder if it's true. it'd like his mind is taken over when it comes to crack.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
My ex ended our relationship and I was devastated. I spent hours days weeks. Months wondering why and trying to work out his mindset.
After many wasted months and years and wasting my life I learned that I would never have the answers. The only thing I could do was work on my self esteem a d worth till i eventually realised I deserved better than a man who didn't care. I hope you don't waste the time I did.
After many wasted months and years and wasting my life I learned that I would never have the answers. The only thing I could do was work on my self esteem a d worth till i eventually realised I deserved better than a man who didn't care. I hope you don't waste the time I did.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Since he called you apparently to tell you specifically how happy he is with his new "family," he's certainly capable of feeling vengeful.
I think they are capable of feeling their own emotions. Depending on the kind of person they were before addiction, compassion and empathy for others goes away very rapidly and stays away unless they manage to pull themselves out of the whirlwind.
An advanced addict is down to his reptile brain survival instincts and feeling remorse for getting his fix to stay alive isn't going to help him survive, so that's gone.
My ex was addicted to alcohol, but the break up was excruciating. I found a great therapist and had good friends, but every day for months I just had to will myself through it. The good news is that when he came back around a year later I had no problem kicking him to the curb. I am now married to a lovely guy who would cut off an arm before deliberately hurting me.
Your life is waiting for you. Take it day by day. I promise some day you will be so glad he's gone.
I think they are capable of feeling their own emotions. Depending on the kind of person they were before addiction, compassion and empathy for others goes away very rapidly and stays away unless they manage to pull themselves out of the whirlwind.
An advanced addict is down to his reptile brain survival instincts and feeling remorse for getting his fix to stay alive isn't going to help him survive, so that's gone.
My ex was addicted to alcohol, but the break up was excruciating. I found a great therapist and had good friends, but every day for months I just had to will myself through it. The good news is that when he came back around a year later I had no problem kicking him to the curb. I am now married to a lovely guy who would cut off an arm before deliberately hurting me.
Your life is waiting for you. Take it day by day. I promise some day you will be so glad he's gone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
for a person to feel remorse, there would first have to be the admission of having caused harm. if your EX does not feel he DID cause you any harm, he would, in his mind, have no reason to feel remorse.
he is not responsible for your feelings. you left him, remember? ended the relationship. you are both free know to carry on as you wish.
he is not responsible for your feelings. you left him, remember? ended the relationship. you are both free know to carry on as you wish.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Maybe it would helpful for you to remind yourself that you broke things off with him four months ago. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you broke it off. Technically, you have already broken up and he is free to pursue whatever he's going to pursue. Not saying that justifies any of his behavior or diminishes how you feel.
I would go no contact with him. You do not need to know what he is currently doing or how he is. That is like rubbing salt in an open wound. His most recent action here of making sure to tell you how happy he is in his new "family" just reinforces the kind of person he is.
It's hard to tell if he feels remorse or not. If he no longer thinks of you or cares for what you feel, he would not make any effort whatsoever to have any kind of contact with you. Things are not always what they appear to be. Nor are they always what people SAY they are...Are there any indicators that he would even be telling you the truth? Addicts tend to lie and cover things up.
People who have truly moved on and are content/happy do not necessarily need to tell others that. They just are and one can tell how happy they really are without them saying "I'm happy." I mean, it would be different if they were sincerely and specifically asked by a friend, "How are you doing? Are you alright?"
No, no.....I tend to think he still has feelings toward you or else you wouldn't be hearing from him at all. Maybe I've got this wrong, but it's just another way of looking at it. When a person has TRULY moved on, they indeed move on. That means not contacting their ex (you).
I would go no contact with him. You do not need to know what he is currently doing or how he is. That is like rubbing salt in an open wound. His most recent action here of making sure to tell you how happy he is in his new "family" just reinforces the kind of person he is.
It's hard to tell if he feels remorse or not. If he no longer thinks of you or cares for what you feel, he would not make any effort whatsoever to have any kind of contact with you. Things are not always what they appear to be. Nor are they always what people SAY they are...Are there any indicators that he would even be telling you the truth? Addicts tend to lie and cover things up.
People who have truly moved on and are content/happy do not necessarily need to tell others that. They just are and one can tell how happy they really are without them saying "I'm happy." I mean, it would be different if they were sincerely and specifically asked by a friend, "How are you doing? Are you alright?"
No, no.....I tend to think he still has feelings toward you or else you wouldn't be hearing from him at all. Maybe I've got this wrong, but it's just another way of looking at it. When a person has TRULY moved on, they indeed move on. That means not contacting their ex (you).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Yes, I think there are many who are capable of feeling remorse but probably just aren't thinking of others before and while they're using. Some of the kindest people I met in jail were addicted to crack or heroin when they went in.
One crack addicted woman felt horrible guilt over the pain she caused her family. She was quite sweet and big hearted but when she first got in she was going through other people's bags trying to find drugs, not thinking clearly at all.
But some users are quite abusive even without the drugs. It can be hard to leave these people even when you realize how bad they are, and it's possible to love a person who doesn't love back.
I agree no contact is best and eventually the grief over losing an abuser will pass. Hang in there
Hugs
One crack addicted woman felt horrible guilt over the pain she caused her family. She was quite sweet and big hearted but when she first got in she was going through other people's bags trying to find drugs, not thinking clearly at all.
But some users are quite abusive even without the drugs. It can be hard to leave these people even when you realize how bad they are, and it's possible to love a person who doesn't love back.
I agree no contact is best and eventually the grief over losing an abuser will pass. Hang in there
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Kitkat255 
thankyou I just think he is in capable of feeling
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I suppose it depends at what stage an addict is at, when I was still drinking I had very little genuine feelings for very much, but that changed with a will to turn my life around and slowly as I clocked up some Sober time and began to really look at who I was and what I needed to repair in my life, those feelings started to surface.
Through the lens of addiction many people seem as they don't have any remorse, the friends/family section on the Forum is a great example, family lives ruined as addiction takes priority, even over someone's children, but that's the nature of the beast and the sad reality of what we're dealing with.
But then there are also stories of recovery, and the hope that people can make the necessary changes in their life and develop a sense of right and wrong once again!!
Through the lens of addiction many people seem as they don't have any remorse, the friends/family section on the Forum is a great example, family lives ruined as addiction takes priority, even over someone's children, but that's the nature of the beast and the sad reality of what we're dealing with.
But then there are also stories of recovery, and the hope that people can make the necessary changes in their life and develop a sense of right and wrong once again!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi kitkat, I've read your posts, I know you are hurting. When the time is right, you will need to begin focusing your thoughts on yourself. I know that's probably impossible right now, but most of us have been through what your going through, and its not a viable long term solution to continue to focus on your ex. I wish you the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Kitkat, I'm sorry for your pain, but the best thing you can do is to focus on yourself and try to take care of you. Not all addicts are the same and looking for a blanket answer to your question really won't work. You are worth taking time and energy for yourself.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
