Kitkat255

I can't stop crying I féel so betrayed

AnvilheadII

Welcome Kitkat. what's going on? how can we help?

heartsinpieces

I am so hurt a d I féel so. betrayed I have never experienced pain and rejection like this in my life. I stuck out three years of his crack addiction and now he is marrying another after only a few months. how do I make the pain go away. I féel sick to my stomach because I'm so hurt

heartsinpieces

I am so broken

ChloeRose63

Hi, Kitkat. Sending prayers to you.

Seren

Hello Kitkat,

I read your thread in Newcomers, and I'm just so sorry for all you have been through. Years ago, one particular boyfriend broke up with me and was married 6 months later. I was completely devastated. Your pain is one I know all too well.

You may not be able to take this all in right now, but I promise you I am speaking 'from the other side' after passing through this kind of pain. You will be OK again, you will experience joy again, you will experience love again!

Two things helped me so much during that time. The first was journaling. I would write for 20 minutes (at least) each day. All of the pain, the anger, the hurt, the sorrow, the despair...every last bit of it I wrote down. The act of writing it down somehow helped to get it out of my head and my heart.

The other thing that helped me was to question myself about why I was letting this ONE person's actions completely suck the joy out of my life. I had so many places in the world I wanted to see and so many people in the world I wanted to meet. There are roughly 7.4 billion people in the world...out there, somewhere, I knew there had to be a man who would love me, honor me, respect me whom I could love in return.

Sending many, many hugs!!

Kitkat255

thankyou so much for your kind words it really helps me to hear other stories. it is a comfort to me when I see these postings.hugs to u all

Seren

It takes time, Kitkat...I am sorry to say.

One thing I did was to try everything I could to understand why. Why did he do this to me? Why could he tell me he loved me and then a few short months later be married to someone else? What was wrong with me? What was wrong with him?

I spun myself in circles within circles of anxious nights trying to work through it. The bare naked truth for me was that I thought if I could understand why he did what he did, then I could argue against it...I could change his mind.

But I couldn't. All of the energy I was using up to try to understand and change what had happened? Well, I should have been using it to heal myself and to move forward to find personal happiness again.

I learned I could be happy just by myself--it truly is an inside job. I didn't need the love and attention of a man to be whole and to be happy.

When I was whole and healthy again, then I could be part of a loving, happy, and healthy relationship.

You are enough. You deserve to be happy, and you will be again!

PhoenixJ

My thoughts and prayers to you..PJ

Hechosedrugs

So sorry to hear about your heartache. It's true that this will pass. Just last year I thought I would never get over my STBXH, but he really is the last person I'd want to be with now. And yet- it still stings hearing about his new girl. I think it has a lot more to do with my self esteem issues than missing him. I wonder if she's prettier than me, more fun, a better cook, all those things. But it's getting a little easier each day. My kids told me recently that they see Daddy and Ashley wake up in the same bed together. I didn't fall apart, didn't cry. I know, logically, that I should pity the girl. And my heart's beginning to understand that, too.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to not isolate. But make sure you're surrounding yourself with good, positive influences. Find ways to truly enjoy life, not escape it.

And when you find what works, post here again. There are lots of other people going through what you are now and they'll need your advice and support.

Cheers to new beginnings. You will see in time that this was exactly what you needed.

teatreeoil007

Sweetie-feeling betrayed is one of the very worst things. I know how you feel. We know how you feel. It just hurts so much. Did he ever cheat on you when you were still together?

There is a saying: Addicts "replace"; co-dependents "mourn". You are less likely to just replace him as quickly as possible. But, addicts tend to replace one relationship with another as soon as they can; and it's amazing how quickly they can do that!!

The fact that he is already planning on getting married is absolutely ZERO reflection on your own worth, nor does it really take away from the fact that he loved you. And who knows: likely he still loves you and part of him always will.

You gotta remember, the new girl is taking on a crack addict. You are out of that relationship; praise God. Being with a crack addict is awful; just awful. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things who he is currently with nor how fast that happened. No one can truly "replace" you. You are you and are a beautiful unique person. I don't see you as being "replaced" per se.....he is just chasing the next high...that is what addicts do....and they chase it over and over and over again and are never really satisfied, because that "high" does not truly satisfy.

Sodevastated

*I am new here too and I lost my husband due to an OD, not even knowing he had relapsed ( we had just got married and didn't live together ). I know you feel really, really hurt. I really do understand as my soul is broken too, but I hope, with time that you are going to feel that it was the right thing to do to leave him, and with that also his addiction. He probably wouldn't have stopped abusing drugs because of you and maybe you would have spent years and years battling his addiction, as many other people at SR. My husband did not stop abusing because of me and the baby that is on its way. We were just not enough a reason for him to stop. He needed/ wanted to do his drugs and nothing could probably have made him stop. I only wish he had been honest about his relapse so I could have chosen my own destiny - to leave or to stay, but now it was him who determined my destiny and I have to deal with it. You had a chance to leave you bf, but mostly to get out of the way of his addiction. And that is good. Now, this other girl has to deal with his addiction. He won't change because of her either and I believe he does not even love her. He is with her because, as other posters have pointed out - either she's an addict too, or she enables his addiction, which suits him because he can go on drugging. Please try not to take it personal that he is with her. He did not choose her because she is the person she is, but out of the reasons mentioned above. You are a good person and you have saved yourself from a lot of pain by not being with him. I'm in excruciating pain too but I try to think that if my husband had stayed alive, both me and our baby would have suffered due to his addiction. I try to think about it when I feel like I'm almost about to die. Maybe you can find a comforting thought to hold on to when your feelings overwhelm you.

I hope my words gave you some comfort and that I wasn't too harsh cuz that was not my intention.

Big hug

Kitkat255

I am so grateful for the ewplowa ans responses that I have recieved on here. It brings me such comfort and when I feel myself getting emotional over it again I read these posts. I know deep down inside in my heart I did the right thing it just is hard I guess as I wanted so much to have a normal life with him and that new girl is using the furniture I have brought into the relationship and the piano I bought for him in July. its crazy. I went ro the dr yesterday and asked to set me up for counseling. Believe it or not I am a Christian and was far away from God and know I am trying to use this to bring me closer to Him. I know that my life would have been so bad and I know I was an excellent girlfriend to him. But my time with him was sad. Hé truly has no regard for anyone else and I am not the only victim in his life. At least now I have money and I don't have to love a lie being in that house. There is a real sense of shame when you are living with a crack addictbecause you become so brainwashed. Hé had this new girl move in because he dosnt want ro pay the rent alone and I believe it is for his own selfish motive. I cannot express the support I have been given on here and it has helped me ☺

Kitkat255

my spelling is a little bad lol its my fone

zoso77

Hey, KitKat...Welcome to the Board.

I can appreciate how upsetting this is, and how you must feel betrayed on some level. But stop for a moment and try to think about this rationally based on what you know about him.

You absolutely did the right thing by breaking up with him, which you did as an act of self preservation. He really left you no choice. As far as his new girlfriend goes, the chemical rush of falling in love is just as addictive to an addict as any drug. If he's still using, or if he's not in recovery by the time they get married, that relationship will implode, and it'll be ugly. And that's because someone in active addiction, or someone abstaining but not in recovery, is incapable of being a responsible, committed partner in a romantic relationship.

I recognize that none of what I've told you will likely make you feel better. What I'm trying to do is fill in the gaps of your knowledge when it comes to someone in addiction. My hope is once you come to understand this, the pain you're experiencing will slowly dissipate, in time, and you'll be thankful that he's out of your life. Today, it doesn't feel that way. But trust me, in time, it will.

This is a difficult time of year to be going through this. And I wish you didn't have to. But you are where you are. So I encourage you to reach out to friends and family and spend as much time as you can with those you love. Stay as busy as you can. Do a lot of self care. And before you know it, you're going to feel OK.

Keep us posted.

Kitkat255

I cannot tell you how much these responses help me. I did leave him as a total act of self preservation. I was dying inside. it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I was deeply in love but crack addicts have no regard for anyone in their life. I am so grateful for the support on here and it is caring me thru.oxoxo