Kitkat255

I'm really hoping someone can help me in here. I left my ex boyfriend four months ago after a 3 year relationship due to his crack use. I loved him very much and begged him to stop. he used for years. I find out tonight he already had a new girlfriend and is marrying her un the spring. we just broke up in august! it's December! I am devasted!! I am quite positive he still smokes crack. I am soooo hurt. betrayed. help me! any thought!!

PhoenixJ

Hi Kitka, welcome. I am sorry to hear about your story. So much heartache in 3 lines. When a person is ruled by their addiction, nothing else really matters as much

PhoenixJ

Sorry- pushed wrong button. What happened is not your fault and is good you are not in that ugly place. Advice/ I would suggest you see your doctor- to make sure your physical and mental health are ok- if diet, sleep, fluids- whatever change when stressed it can really make a difference. I have depression so I really need to be aware of this. Also have you thought of getting support through addiction family/friends support groups? I am not sure about NA but in AA it is Al-anon. Also have you thought about seeing a counsellor about your distress?
Take care and keep posting. My thoughts and prayers to you, stay safe. PJ.

MelindaFlowers

First of all, I am sorry you are going through a hard time. From an outsiders point of view, looks like you dodged a bullet here. You were very smart to break up with him. That took a lot of wisdom and foresight.

I know this might not be easy right now but I want you to read this question out loud.

Do I want to be with a crack addict?

I'm sure the answer is no.

Again, it might not be what you want to hear right now, but it is a blessing that he is with somebody else. Otherwise he might be knocking on your door and you would consider getting back with him.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for several years. We played a lot of games. We would break up and get back together. Break up and get back together. Break up and get back together.

Finally he met somebody else. My heart was broken. He stopped contacting me long enough to where I was completely over him by the time he came knocking again.

The fact he was with somebody else during my healing time was a huge blessing.

When he came back a year later I found him to be the most revolting human being I'd ever known. On a 1 to 100 scale taking him back up on his offer to get back together I was a -10.

Meraviglioso

Kitkat, that really does sound awful, I imagine you are so confused and hurt. the thing is, people who are actively using drugs or alcohol do not often make the wisest decisions. I know it seems impossible to you- a clean,sane person- that after a three year relationship he would find someone new so soon and make plans to marry. But an addict often behaves erratically and makes rash and poor decisions. Honestly, life with an addict can be hell on earth, I am sure you know that well. I am sure you are hurt over the loss of the relationship despite his addiction but you deserve more. Take care of yourself and try to move on.
Just for your information, there is also a family and friends section here on the sober recovery site, where those that love and care for an addict hang out and post. You might find some good information and support there.
Sending a warm, big hug to you.

Kitkat255

hey thankyou. how could he do that so fast? I just wanted him tho clean up and marry him. I am so heartbroken. maybe he never loved me but three years together. I know hé is still smoking crack. and what about this new woman?I'm so confused

Meraviglioso

Of course you are confused, it is absolutely ridiculous, inexplicable behaviour, but that is what addicts do- act in ways that are impossible to understand by those around them.

Please read MelindaFlowers' post again and again, her words are so wise. It IS a blessing (even if you can't see it) that he is with someone else and is not coming back and forth making you even more confused.

Kitkat255

I did leave him because of his crack addiction I was dying in that house. he messenger me tonight and told me he has a new wife and family and he's never been happier. he stole so much money from me and I am so heartbroken. will I ever get over this?

Kitkat255

Hé had no remorse at all and I was so used. I am so heartbroken

Kitkat255

I just feel like I don't want to go on anymore I'm so hurt

teatreeoil007

So sorry for your pain dear.... please hang in there.... you have us!!

Kitkat255

I just cant stop crying I really loved him and I stuck out so much with him and he is getting married so soon. I'm so hurt. will I ever get over this

Kitkat255

I dont want to live

ReadyAtLast

I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will get over him. He knows you are hurt and devastated yet tells you how happy he is with his new woman. No decent man would do such a thing he sounds nasty vindictive and you're way better off without him. You deserve so much better and hopefully in time you will learn to see that.

Kitkat255

thankyou I just am very very heart broken. I'm not even over the fact we are broken up.

Dee74

Hi Kitkat - welcome

I know it must be painful but people with crack addictions are not really noted for their common sense.

This new woman may also be addicted or she might enable his addiction in some other way.
You did a good thing for your own self welfare by leaving - doin;t doubt that now.

You deserve better and I'm sure you'll find it.

If it all got you so low you're thinking about harming yourself, *please*...do read this link and maybe take down a few crisis numbers?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I think rather than an ending this could prove to be a new beginning

D

PhoenixJ

Kitka- grieving/emotions are natural and that is what you are doing. You, from your words did nothing wrong. You are not at fault. You are not stupid or an idiot or dumb. Addiction is a cruel, cruel master that demands everything of all it takes. Keep sharing. Talking to someone would be a good idea.

MellowHeather

Hey Kitkat - welcome!

Yep - of course you're not over it yet. I feel for you a lot!

Look - he's not the right guy for you. Imagine meeting somebody with all of his good qualities, but without the lies and the addiction, and the hurt. That's what's waiting for you.

He acted really badly and you just need to take care of yourself for the moment. Don't take his behaviour personally - he is lashing out - but that has nothing to do with you. You seem like a nice person!

It will hurt, but time will fix it, and you'll look back on this and wonder why you were so upset when there's a whole better life coming up next.

It sucks now - but it will pass by. Mind yourself and post away here - talking helps!

Ariesagain

When I read, "broke up with crack bf" my immediate response was "thank goodness."

I know it hurts so much now, but if you hang around and read some other threads, there are people here who lose years and even decades of their lives to the insanity of addiction in the people they try to love into recovering. It's heartbreaking to see them post about living through relapse after relapse, blaming themselves, hearing about children being raised in that environment...awful.

Now that won't be you. You've escaped that fate and can get on with your life. As for the new woman...she just bought herself a ticket on the roller coaster to hell. He's not going to clean up for her, no matter what he says.

Block him, get off his FB page, tell your friends you don't want to hear about them AT ALL and get on with your sweet life.

It will get better. Sending you a hug.

FreedomCA

Although you may not see it now, you are so lucky to be out of this addicted relationship, which would have caused you so much more pain. I love my alcoholic husband, but the ups and downs of living with an addict can be so exhausting. I would not marry an active addict if I could do it over again. I hope you can see this. Move on and meet a non-addict, you will be so much happier, trust me!