ReadyAtLast

I was sober 3 1\2 years and drank in June this year. Nothing bad happened and I said that's it start sobriety again. Some weeks later I drank again and all OK. This happened a couple of times. NO problems. In September one night I drank a lot in public and made a complete fool of myself. The next day was day 1. I lasted a few weeks then went on holiday. Started again.

Now I'm almost drinking every night, not much but that's not really the point. I shouldn't be drinking at all. I hate how I am doing this and it has to stop. every afternoon I have an internal struggle shall I or shan't I. the shall I wins. I like the initial feeling and seem in control. I know that;s an illusion. If I was in control I wouldn't drink at all. It's so much harder second time around. I genuinely thought I'd never drink again. how on earth have I reached this stage?

I'm on day 3 now and determined but I was last time. How do I get past this feeling that it;s too difficult. I've fallen off after so long how the heck do I do his again How have others who have periods of sobriety then drank got sober again. Please tell me some encouraging stories thanks

least

First of all, you have to truly want in your heart, to be sober more than you want to drink.

Here's my story. I hope it's encouraging.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ory-least.html

Delilah1

You do it one day at a time, I know it's cliche, but true. You had 3 1/2 years, that is fantastic. I am less than a month away from my one year mark, and I'm so excited, because I spent three years alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation.

NYE I decided I was done with alcohol, I woke up on the 1st and came back to SR, and started again. I joined the January class, and still check in there almost daily. I also found the 24 hour thread, and I check in there each day as well. I have spent a .ot of time reading and posting on this site and it really does help. The thing I did different this time was focus more on recovery, than not drinking. This year has been all about making me better physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am learning more about mindfulness, and working on getting better at it.

You are always quick to offer support and kind words to others. I am glad you are back!!!

❤️Delilah

Dee74

I think the basic template is always the same RAL - start with a day one and add to it.

To keep it going you have a lot of options for support - SR, Drs, counselling, AA or some other group...you just need the willingness to use those things

same goes with change - make changes in your life that reflect your desire to be sober.

It's never exactly easy but it is possible and I have faith in you

Ghostlight1

What Least said.

You can drink all you want if you so desire.
I didn't have a second time around. I had a hundred. I was seemingly hopeless.
But I took the initiative and took action to get sober. At the beginning, I failed many times. But I never gave up
I went to AA. I came here. Still drank. Once I gave in and realized I could never safely drink, because I'm an alcoholic, only then could I make real and positive decisions and actions to remain sober.

You have to want sobriety to get it. Best to you.

PhoenixJ

I think you know how to stay without alcohol. As to why? If anyone here could give a definite answer- this site probably would not exist. Keep posting, retrace your journey and stop drinking. Prayers and support to you. PJ

Notimetoloose

ReadyAtLast, that was always my biggest fear, every time I started drinking I would get scared this would be 'the time' that I couldn't stop....I was always trying to stop and it I felt like all my ducks had to be lined up to surmount the massive effort it took to stop the cycle of drinking.
I valued my sober time and unfortunately would negotiate my next drink for an unlimited amount of reasons.
ReadyAtLast, you have 3 days, you have invested in having those 3 days because it is what you need to do...hang on to them and progress further into sobriety and don't take that first drink no matter what dribble the AV tells you. .

Jeni26

Oh I understand this so well my friend. The absolute confusion and horror of not being able to stop as simply as we once did, and not being able to get that motivation back.

It does get harder with every relapse for sure.

I had to reconnect with what worked in the beginning and add something new to my plan. I had to step up my online support and add more direct face to face help too. I have made many lifelong friends here on SR, and I needed to tell them honestly I was in trouble, just like you are doing, plus I got a new sponsor, went on a 12 step retreat, found a new home group, and took on a service position.

There really wasn't anything I took off the table as a tool to help me, even if it felt uncomfortable at first. In fact, if it scared me, I took it as a positive because that meant my AV was taking a bashing.

I post in the 24 hour thread every day, and am always popping into SR. I have 2 sober sisters I met here and we message every day, I e-mail my review of my day to my sponsor every night, I practice gratitude and endeavour to use the 12 steps of AA as a template for my life.

My recovery underpins everything I do. Without it, I am lost and confused and will drink again.

There is hope. I'm 10 months sober again. Drinking is no longer an option for me, and I will never take my recovery for granted again.

You can do this. Stay close ❤️

teaorcoffee

RAL - I see my life changing for the better the longer I am sober - I am sure it was true for you during your 3.5 years. Is it worth making an inventory of what was good during the sober times to keep you going during these difficult first few days?

ReadyAtLast

Thanks to you all for responding. I will response to you all later. Just a quick check in before we go on a bike ride. I know what I need to do and how to do it. It's just sticking to it and ignoring that voice saying oh go on have a drink.

That said, I feel really good this morning clear headed and more confident. I could see myself going downhill over the last few weeks. Fighting it but it's happening. No more!

Happy sober Sunday ☺

kintsugi

Try several methods -- starting with the method you used to quit before, then change it up if you don't find it truly motivating you to stay sober.

I'm so sorry you're here. I had about 1.5 period of sobriety when I was pregant/first had my son. It's taken my three years of struggle and I'm just now finding myself back in sobriety.

You aren't hopeless, keep trying! Something will click eventually as long as you don't give up.

FreeOwl

You just have to CHOOSE.... to embrace sobriety again.

Then ACT with actions to support that choice.

You've had 3 years sober, so you already know the answer to your question.

Nobody but you can choose it.

No method or approach or magic will work until you do.

soberclover

Great advice given. I would add from my relapse of 8 years experience that it DOES get worse...the consequences I mean. To the body, mind, and the spirit.
All of the "not yets" do happen. The failed relationships, the wrecked cars, the legal charges, the medical events. I really hope you don't have to become that person in order to really want sobriety.

aasharon90

Grab a hold of someones coattail as
often referred to in recovery and
hold on tight as they guide you along
in learning how to build a strong solid
foundation to live your life on one
day at a time.

Scale back all the way to one moment,
minute if needed at a time, to keep
stress, anxiety, worrisome thoughts
from creeping in as to what to do next.

Remember that you never have to
do this alone or by yourself ever again
because there are many in recovery
that have found success in how to
remain sober for many one days sober
or clean at a time to help you.

Have support numbers in ur phone,
connections on your computer, written
notes, reminders to as to what is needed
to do to not pick up a drink today.

I try to remember not to tell someone
what to do, but to suggest helpful ways
to not drink that have been helpful
in my own recovery/sobriety.

Success requires change and acceptance.

Dust yourself off, let go of yesterday because
its gone for good. Stay in today and don't worry
about tomorrow because its not here yet.

Put your recovery suit of armor on and
be prepared to ward off all temptations
that are lurking to bring you down. Stay
strong and true to yourself because you
are worth it.

PurpleKnight

You can do this ReadyAtLast!!

EndGameNYC

Hi ReadyAtLast.

Yes, from what I've observed and from my own unfortunate experience, it's much more difficult to get sober again after long-time sobriety.

I'll repeat what I've said before because not everyone here is familiar with my history. I started drinking again after twenty five years without a drink, and I didn't stop for three years. I destroyed everything good within myself and in my life during that time. Most of it seemed to happen very quickly after an unremarkable period of several months after I started drinking again.

I got to where I didn't care whether or not I lived or died, that I was destroying my relationships, that I was on my way to getting fired, that my XGF was on the verge of throwing me out for a few months, or that my health was in obvious decline, slowly at first, and then much worse towards the end. It isn't like I didn't see all this coming. I only stopped because I could no longer function, and I mean that in every possible way when I say it. So, I cannot say that I know how to move past not caring about myself, about anyone else, or about my destructive behaviors. I was a pile of crap with arms and legs, and I somehow didn't care that that was what I'd become, where I'd brought myself. It no longer mattered why I'd picked up that first drink again. Why would I choose that to care about?

I wouldn't recommend my "method," my road back to sobriety, to anyone. You don't need to lose everything in order to get sober, even though it "worked" for me, though you might not think so knowing my story and the many stories that are just like mine. I imagine that a good number of people don't come back from that. Getting sober again was the most difficult thing I've ever done, and the damage I'd done to myself took a very large toll. My remedy, and despite the fact that I did not consciously want to get sober, was to take on as much help and support as I could bear. Daily AA meetings, IOP followed by regular outpatient treatment combined with individual alcohol counseling -- all of these at the same treatment center for a full year -- followed by individual psychotherapy, antidepressant medication, and regular visits to my doctor. I knew that all this was going to take some time but, really, I had nothing better to do, being as I was unemployed and virtually unemployable. Besides, if you truly want to live a good life in which you're not systematically killing yourself and destroying everything good in your life, a year is an extremely discounted price to pay. Then again, it's the work we do during any period of time that makes all the difference.

For me, the struggle itself was the outcome, every single day. I had no illusions about any personal philosophy or long-held beliefs that might clash with the treatments to which I submitted since neither of those things prevented me from experiencing hell on earth or offered redemption in the form of anything that could even vaguely be referred to as "recovery." To me, it's just another load of crap to avoid treatment because I don't agree with the philosophy of any particular type of treatment. I don't use the convention, but those who do would likely refer to this as the "AV" speaking.

It was my own thinking and how I acted on it that got me in trouble in the first place and all along.

When you reach the end of the line, when it's time to stop destroying yourself and everything that you touch, time to save your life and spare other people your misery, no one cares about your thoughts, your philosophy, or your beliefs. It's likely that no one cared as much as I might have imagined they did long before I found myself staring into the abyss.

Aellyce

I used a very significantly different set of methods to get sober after a relapse that followed 2 years of sobriety. I think the different approach was crucial for me because as long as I tried the same things that helped first time, my drinking actually just got worse and worse (thankfully it only lasted about 2 months but it was more than enough)... I was pretty much immune to my old methodology and trying to use them made things even worse because it added a lot of anger and frustration about not being able to stop doing the same things. It was a quick downward spiral that I eventually broke with spending some time in an inpatient rehab (never tried before) and then lots of f2f support plus some medication for a while.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Readyatlast.

Sorry you are struggling, but glad you are posting and fighting.

You have 3 days now -keep building on it.

I have 4+ years sober and no personal experience to advice from how to handle relapse, but still I will add my 2 cents to all the great advice you've got already.

After quitting alcohol I addressed my food issues -binge-eating and sugar-addiction. It was tough and unlike alcohol it took me more than once to end it.

All the addictions followed the same pattern though - what differentiated them was degree of immediate harm and destructive force.

For me my binge-eating relapses originated from me starting measuring myself against normality yardstick. "Normal" (still don't know what the hell does it mean) people do this, normal people do that. Like I felt deprived of things which are supposed to be part of "normal" life and if I can't handle them that something is wrong with me.

If I so much that let that kind of a thought grow for a split second it would hostage my mind and turn into obsession. Thoughts of that kind should be killed immediately, without any mercy.

I have to guard my thinking against all the BS which is thrown at me daily. And I have to be ready to fight against.

Take a re-assessment of your triggers - when does the first thought emerge? What does AV present as rationalization? You had 3 years, you know the drill.

Thinking about you. Hugs and massive anti-AV vibes.

Stay strong.

tomsteve

i think the main reason why i got and stayed sober was because i surrendered.

Algorithm

ReadyAtLast,

This is the error of moderation, and it's good that you've posted about your experience for general readership. People often incorrectly assume that something bad will happen right away if they drink, but that's not usually the case.

Very often, it's a slow, gradual, and insidious gathering of steam before the next big crash. Only the lucky ones have something bad happen right away that wakes them up, or get hooked right away. They're lucky because they tend to learn faster that one drink is too many.

If you allow this to continue, you will probably resign yourself to what comes naturally, with potentially devastating losses. Indeed, this is already starting to occur somewhat, and you are rightfully afraid of where you may be headed.

I would encourage you to discard this day counting business, or this "throwing away my sober time" mentality. It's probably keeping you stuck in place, as if there were no way to undo your mistake and "get back" your former sober time, so why try?

This is not your first rodeo, and you already know what you need to do. Get a grip, get rid of the supply, and stop giving yourself so much to damn yourself about. Set your confidence level for success arbitrarily at 100%, and recognize all that self-doubt as your Addictive Voice.