Black flags
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Black flags
This post is abuse/narcissism related
New read:
"Black Flags : 50 warning signs of an abuser "
By HG Tudor
Not sure if this book series has been mentioned here already.
It is very interesting as it is told from the abuser's narrative. The examples given were a dead ringer to many of my stories. I could have written the same book, but from my side of things. Out of the 50 chapters, I highlighted 31.... 5 of them I highlighted the entire chapter. Every single word. This scared me. I cried, really cried finally - I had been suppressing that for months. And I said "oh my God" aloud to myself more than once. I have read non stop any spare time I may have. It's empowering.
All of this confirms for me I'm moving in the right direction. This is real and it's not going away. I will be martyring myself if I remain in this marriage any longer than necessary (which I am already doing, just didn't believe it). It is a crime to my children and I, if I don't end it. Knowing this is abuse and not ending the cycle, is the same thing as not calling 911 of you see a crime committed against someone.
Thank you for reading my ramble. Hope this makes sense. And I would recommend the above mentioned book if abuse is an issue with your A.
New read:
"Black Flags : 50 warning signs of an abuser "
By HG Tudor
Not sure if this book series has been mentioned here already.
It is very interesting as it is told from the abuser's narrative. The examples given were a dead ringer to many of my stories. I could have written the same book, but from my side of things. Out of the 50 chapters, I highlighted 31.... 5 of them I highlighted the entire chapter. Every single word. This scared me. I cried, really cried finally - I had been suppressing that for months. And I said "oh my God" aloud to myself more than once. I have read non stop any spare time I may have. It's empowering.
All of this confirms for me I'm moving in the right direction. This is real and it's not going away. I will be martyring myself if I remain in this marriage any longer than necessary (which I am already doing, just didn't believe it). It is a crime to my children and I, if I don't end it. Knowing this is abuse and not ending the cycle, is the same thing as not calling 911 of you see a crime committed against someone.
Thank you for reading my ramble. Hope this makes sense. And I would recommend the above mentioned book if abuse is an issue with your A.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
*Wow*. I just downloaded the book and skimmed over it. I'll read more in depth when I have time. 70% maybe is what I've been going through. It's scary and to think my children witness some of this and may think it's ok.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Same here Hearthealth!!! It was earily similar some of the exchanges the author uses as an example. Just change the name, location, etc and it's exactly my reality. Scary for sure. I've downloaded all the books and read 3 of them so far in the past two days. It's making me aware of situations I didn't recognize until reading. Like examples of triangulation.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Yep, triangulation is the one that I did not "catch" right away. I just recently realized that is what he was doing - his ex's seemed to pop up into conversations frequently when we were married. My XAH still brings up his ex gf of 20 years ago - we have been married for 12 and divorced last year.
And it still makes me feel gross
And it still makes me feel gross
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