Ragman3

I'm 30 years old, serious alcoholic, I've been in and out of aa and treatment centers throughout my 20s. I've recently decided to get sober last sunday after being charged with my second dui. My drinking has caused a lot of damage over the years, but the multiple and many consequences of this new low has brought forth a horrifying level of pitifulness. I'm looking at loss of employment and damage to my career that could keep me permanently out of my field leaving my financial situation to spiral out of control beyond my wildest nightmares. My family, who always came to my rescue, is finally giving up on me. I've completely humiliated myself in front of just about anyone and everyone in my life leaving me isolated beyond belief.

I've been drinking so hard for so long that I'm only now realizing how hard I was repressing how bad I've been letting this all spiral out of control. I feel irredeemable. I've returned to aa desperately trying to find some kind of sense of hope. But I just don't know anymore.

I just kept pushing on with my drinking getting away with transgression after transgression and caring less and less each time I got away with it. Each time I did something I regret, I just drank away the shame. Eventually I was just constantly drunk... All the time, and yet felt invincible making me progressively more and more reckless. It's finally all caught up with me. A part of me is starting to wonder if life will ever feel okay again.

In so many words: my life has become unmanageable. I'm scared to death and I need help.

letsdance

Your not irredeemable. I know right now you feel horrible. I also feel like my life is pretty unmanageable and this is why we both need to stick to not drinking.

FreeOwl

I've been right where you are.

Just over 5 years ago, that was all pretty much me, right down to the second DUI.

Even then, I relapsed and almost wound up with a 3rd DUI.....

But finally;

I made a deep and firm choice; to embrace sobriety and to honor that choice every day. I went back to AA.... and did a lot of other things to support my recovery.

Now I'm a few years sober, out of debt, remarried, a baby on the way, own two homes, respected and loved, give in service to my community in many ways, help others in recovery and am happy and grateful for my life.

You can turn this all around.

Hevyn

Ragman, welcome. Please know that you're not alone.

I was the same at 30 - but I went on from there to continue destroying my life. I didn't have the courage to try & make the change. Thankfully, you are in the process of doing just that. You can and will get free. We're here to listen and help.

Anna

Hi Ragman and Welcome,

Realizing we are alcoholics and that we have caused amazing damage in our lives is very hard. This is a time when you have to look at the messes you've made and face them, head on, without alcohol to help you. The upside is that you can begin to reclaim your self-respect and begin to rebuild your life. We're here to offer support.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

You have many sober years ahead of you and life can be wonderful. I've been sober about 7 years now and my life is pretty wonderful.

But I wasn't as smart as you. I quit drinking about 20 years later in life then you. From my perspective, 30 is really young.

kintsugi

As someone who has been through a couple of different programs/methods over the years, I know this process can be very demoralizing. On the bright side, if your life has become unmanageable, you're at a really great and natural turning point for change in a direction that is more manageable.

it sounds like your job and your family are important to you. What field do you work in? And are your family close to where you live?

Midwest1981

welcome to SR.

It is hard to believe right now but it will get better if you don't drink and start working through somethings. Keep posting on here and reading. That is a great start.

Linz805

I know how you feel. I am 30 and getting sober also. I too wondered will life get better and will I feel better. Some days I feel an overwhelming sense of joy since being sober and some days I'm like wtf is going on . Drinking doesn't make anything better and in my experience it makes it worse. Just one day at a time. Focusing on the past or the future fills me with anxiety so I say just today. Just today and let everything else fall into place. I also go to AA. Good support and they understand and want to support you. I am rooting for you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Fourm Ragman!!

Pondlady

Welcome to SR. As you can see, you're not alone. I remember being embraced about something I'd said or done, but would crack open a bottle of wine, to blot out memory

Make sure to see a doctor, if you feel you can't detox safely on your own. Coming here often, is a good beginning.