madgirl

So Im in a hotel room on a work trip - it is raining up in the US northeast, and I am sort of lonely so Im posting here.

Downstairs a happy hour is happening. Staying isolated up here in my room.

Earlier at dinner I watched my coworkers enjoy one glass of wine each and marvelled at how they were done after that - no sudden desire to order another round, no "switch" flipped on like we alkies do.

Most of the time these days I dont obsess about it, or debate it in my head. Tonight - eh - not tempted, per se - but I do feel like a total freaking weirdo.

madgirl

Yesterday we did these "introduce yourself and an interesting hobby/fact about yourself" and all these people had these great stories/hobbies/interests and I felt like a total loser - I spent so much time getting drunk in the evenings and missed out on self development. It just sucks - being an addict.

neferkamichael

Madgirl , 9 months is so FANTASTIC, congratulations, rootin for ya. Our AV's are sneekie SOB's just waitin for a chance to trip us up.

madgirl

Thanks. Just having a lonely night. Beats a drunk night of course - I just wish the bar wasnt so low for me as an addict that it is a real accomplishment to say "hey! I have been a functioning, relatively sane person on a consistent basis for nine months now!"

It is just - sad, you know?

flguy1

I know the feeling but you are doing a fantastic job! You are staying strong....yes it does get boring sometimes but you are giving us hope!

Delilah1

First, nine months is fantastic. You have plenty of time now to find something you love to do. Maybe you can search around for a fun online class to keep you busy whole traveling.

Linz805

congrats on the 9 months! I can relate to what you have said. When I have been at a dinner or happy hour and people just have one the alcoholic in my is quite shocked! Also, my counselor the other day asked what do you like to do... I'm like well I don't know! It was drinking! Not anymore though

least

Congrats on nine months sober! Just keep in mind the good you are doing for yourself by not drinking.

PhoenixJ

Go figure madgirl. You are thinking like a functioning adult. If everybody sat around playing Russian Roulette and you did not join in because you knew it was unsafe for you- wouldn't it feel weird not to join in, to be one of them? The difference being of course- for me- it was the thrill of that bullet. Probably most in the group did not have bullets in the gun. So you are not weird to feel weird. PJ

SoberLifeForMe

Really great job, madgirl! You're an inspiration to those of us early in recovery that are hoping to get where you are someday.

Dee74

I've done more in the last decade than I did in the two before that.
You'll catch up madgirl

If this is being freaking weird, I'll take that over being one of the boys

Congrats on 9 months

D

madgirl

Thanks all. Sorry for the pity party. Working the HALT thing last night (lonely, angry, tired) so I posted here. It helped to be honest here how I was feeling - went to sleep shortly thereafter.

Grateful this morning to be rested, sober and relatively sane.

madgirl

Phoenix that's funny "you are not weird to feel weird."

PurpleKnight

9 Months is fantastic Madgirl!! Keep pushing through!!

theVman31

Cool work !
Signed : a freakin weirdo

Ariesagain

At nine months, you have accomplished something that many people never could and you should never, ever downgrade your accomplishment.

Maybe try to remember how unhappy "happy hour" really is? Superficial networking, humble bragging, gossip, awkward small talk, booze breath, and ill-advised flirtations. No thank you.

Order something decadent from room service, take a nice hot bath, and snuggle in.

madgirl

Yes - I think I was guilty of comparing my insides to other people's outsides, if that makes sense.

Grateful to be sober. Even my worst days now are infinitely better than drinking.