Darwinia

I started drinking again after six months of sobriety. It was a concious decision. I was bored with being bored. I hated every social occasion I attended not drinking.

I did not fall of the wagon and got horribly drunk. I just started drinking again. Since I started I have not been drunk once. That should be an achievement. It is not. I feel terrible. Somehow this time drinking just brings on depression.

Now I am in that space where I do not like not drinking and I do not like drinking.

I feel trapped.

Maudcat

I know how you feel. It is not a good feeling when the drink controls you, not the other way round. How about striving for 3 sober nights a week?

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Darwinia!!

For me I needed to do more than simply not drink ,simply not drinking meant a whole lot of time to think about drinking, because for years I didn't do much other than drink, so when that disappeared I had a whole lot of time on my hands and I was bored also.

We gotta change up our lives, create a new lifestyle, new hobbies, new interests, or rekindle old interests, find out what we want to now do in our lives, new projects, new interests.

Simply taking away alcohol doesn't build a new life, we need to do that in conjunction with Sobriety.

You can do this, tweak your plan moving forward, and you'll get there!!

Anna

Darwinia, I wonder if you thought about getting involved in new (sober) activities? I stayed away from social situations with alcohol for close to a year, but I started slowly doing some other things. I know how horrible it feels to be controlled by the alcohol. I hope that you are ready to stop drinking again.

doggonecarl

I imagine you do. Drinking, yet not enjoying it is hardly a commitment to sobriety. It is just what it is...a cycle of drinking and depression.

You can step off this hamster wheel any time you want, if that's what you want.

SnazzyDresser

Seems like learning to like not drinking would be the way to go there. Get more proactive instead of viewing yourself as being led around by feelings.

teatreeoil007

Good on you for reaching out.

You don't have to be trapped. Not drinking is the way to go. Choose it. Embrace it. You don't have to stay the way you are. You can change.

Is change always easy? No, it usually requires some effort, adjustment, patience. For some people change is very hard.

But, it sounds like to me you need a good change. You can do this.

Dee74

Hi Darwinia

I know you were unhappy being sober but I wonder what you did to change your life?

I was miserable too when I tried to live my old drinking life as a sober guy - I felt left out and it seemed like everyone else in the world was having fun. I resented myself for being an alcoholic.

Under those conditions a return to drinking was pretty much inevitable.
D

awuh1

Stark nihilism sober and a depression to surround the drinking.

Been there done that.

I'm glad my search brought me to a different place. Might be worth an attempt to try something quite different Darwinia. Keep an open mind.

Algorithm

If that's true, there should be little to deter you from stopping before this gets out of hand, no? Surely you realize from the many stories on this forum, or perhaps from previous experience, that this will inevitably gather steam?

Could it be that instead, your addiction feels trapped while you are abstinent, and that you feel trapped while drinking? In that purgatory of indecision regarding the future use of alcohol, both parties to this dance will inevitably suffer.

Perhaps it would be better if only one of you suffered?

thomas11

That's a tough spot to be in, I simply hope you are able to find peace. Hopefully in sobriety. That's the thing about drinking, if its not beating us up physically, its tearing us apart mentally, right?

FreeOwl

I went through some similar cycles. They eventually led me back to being trapped by blackouts, shame, regret, and at times literally trapped in jail cells.

Nowadays when I find myself feeling bored with social situations I ask myself why and generally quickly realise it's because the social situation I happen to be in is boring. This is one big reason I generally stay away from drinking based social situations. They're boring. They're the same old play on repeat. The only reason people aren't bored is they've chemically altered theiron brains to think it's fun.

There is a great wide wonderful world of amazing stuff out there. If there is a real shame in this life, it lies in throwing away all of that beauty to mindlessly sit around drinking poison.

Put it back down and leave that for others. Give life another chance. If you find it 'boring', make some new choices. You'll see. It's freakin amazing.

Delilah1

Hello,

Sorry you are feeling trapped, I agree choosing not drinking will help you get back to feeling good again. Several people talked about the importance of having other activities to do as part of recovery. This is what saved me. Exercise, reading, a few online classes, lots of kids activities as well.

MLD51

I pretty much hate all social situations that have to do with drinking now. For a while when first sober I tried to live my same life, only without drinking. I went to the same events, went to the same places with the same people. It didn't necessarily make me want to drink, but it was boring. Like FreeOwl said, I started to realize the events themselves were boring. So I took a long break from those situations and events and began to find alternatives.

I venture to say you are not actually trapped, Darwinia. I know you FEEL trapped, and I get it. Break free. Learn some new habits. There's a lot out there in the world to discover. Sober isn't boring. Drinking is boring, really. Same old people doing the same old things, saying the same things over and over again. Not a life I want to be a part of ever again. Easy to develop new interests? No. Worth it? Absolutely.

january161992

welcome back

were fortunate that there is a solution for this disease

God bless

kintsugi

I'm sure you already know that alcohol is a chemical depressant. If you are truly on the fence, why not side with the one doing you less physical and psychological harm? bordom is easily curable by getting involved in other ventures, so what has you believing alcohol is the best option? Also, do you actually feel less bored, or are you just too drunk to notice whether you're bored or not?

Darwinia

No kintsugi. I am not drunk. I have not been drunk in 10 months. I started drinking again socially as I found it intolerable without the social lubricant of booze. And now even with alcohol I do not feel much better.

Dee74

Change seems to be a constant refrain in the responses here.

I understand not wanting to change. I thought my life was fine, just the drinking was a problem.

I was living in denial. My life was awful.

Without change I'm just the same person who can't live without drinking and who's life still revolves around it.

What about meeting some sober people, trying AA or SMART or Lifering?

Thinking about other things to do socially that don't necessitate the inclusion of alcohol?

D

Fusion

Hello, Darwinia, humour me if you will and perhaps answer these questions.

1. What do you find intolerable at your social events, when you're sober?

2. What do you find 'not much better' than intolerable, when you drink at the same social events?

Darwinia

Tatsy I guess I find the conversation boring and tedious. I used to be quite a party animal first to arrive last to leave. I used to feel that parties were lots of fun, talking nonsens, being silly, being free. Now, even when drinking I struggle to find the fun. I do realise the problem is with me. Clearly the entire rest of the world is not all boring. I just do not quite know how to solve this at the moment.