47 days and I can't keep it in anymore
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
47 days and I can't keep it in anymore
I'm struggling today.
I'm 47 days sober, easily the longest in years. I'm doing 90 in 90 and made some great friends already in recovery.
The problem is, I'm stressed and scared. I'm having big financial trouble and my parents just got off the phone with me. They don't know the full details but it was a one-sided conversation about how I'm a ****-up followed by "well why do you sound so sad? cheer up"
I have a lot on my plate trying to sort out finances, get work started and preserve my sobriety. And I just feel worse after talking to them.
I feel like crying, which might be a good thing.
I just don't have that feeling of security within myself to be like "whatever, I'm doing my best and that's that", because I AM doing my best, I'm not sitting around waiting for things to fix themselves.
I just feel crap right now and I feel like I'm being selfish for feeling this way
I'm 47 days sober, easily the longest in years. I'm doing 90 in 90 and made some great friends already in recovery.
The problem is, I'm stressed and scared. I'm having big financial trouble and my parents just got off the phone with me. They don't know the full details but it was a one-sided conversation about how I'm a ****-up followed by "well why do you sound so sad? cheer up"
I have a lot on my plate trying to sort out finances, get work started and preserve my sobriety. And I just feel worse after talking to them.
I feel like crying, which might be a good thing.
I just don't have that feeling of security within myself to be like "whatever, I'm doing my best and that's that", because I AM doing my best, I'm not sitting around waiting for things to fix themselves.
I just feel crap right now and I feel like I'm being selfish for feeling this way
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Pullman, WA
Posts: 5
Hang in there. I am only on my second day so you making it 47 days is encouraging to me. I am on the verge of losing my wife/family and this is my last chance. I pray that I make it 47 days, I haven't made it 30 before.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
Way to go on the 47 days. Each day you stay sober you're breaking new ground. I relate to remembering how scary that could be.
I remember i couldn't get past the 90 day *barrier* i would start worrying needlessly over it and inevitably fail and drink and start the cycle over again.
I eventually broke through, and have made it to 23 months next week. Don't feel like you shouldn't be feeling what you are.
If i effectively numbed my feelings/emotions alot with drinking and it took work and and while to remember what normal felt like.
Making a gratitude list of 5 things to be grateful for, and sharing it with someone has helped me stay on track...Just for TODAY.
You've made some friends in recovery, that is HUGE. Start sharing gratitude lists with them. (Get them to send you theirs too) it's a good way to get our of yourself. (At least it was for me!)
Keep it up. 47 days is a great achievement. You're breaking new ground everyday!
I remember i couldn't get past the 90 day *barrier* i would start worrying needlessly over it and inevitably fail and drink and start the cycle over again.
I eventually broke through, and have made it to 23 months next week. Don't feel like you shouldn't be feeling what you are.
If i effectively numbed my feelings/emotions alot with drinking and it took work and and while to remember what normal felt like.
Making a gratitude list of 5 things to be grateful for, and sharing it with someone has helped me stay on track...Just for TODAY.
You've made some friends in recovery, that is HUGE. Start sharing gratitude lists with them. (Get them to send you theirs too) it's a good way to get our of yourself. (At least it was for me!)
Keep it up. 47 days is a great achievement. You're breaking new ground everyday!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Alcohol in my experience didn't fix anything in life, a short term escape but the problems were still all there in the morning again, with the added bonus prize of a hangover to deal with.
Focus on the positives, be very proud of your 47 Days, that's a huge a achievement, and know there are many people here on SR in your corner!!
Focus on the positives, be very proud of your 47 Days, that's a huge a achievement, and know there are many people here on SR in your corner!!
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
hang in there yogi
47 days !!!
reminds me of my dad
i got thrown into a locked psych ward 5150 when i was a year sober because i failed to follow direction and had no program
my family visited me in there and my dad was (is) unable to process and admit that i actually have emotional and mental disorders
for him real problems must be physical and mental problems arent real
its ok though he isnt the alcoholic/ addict i am
it only matters that i get it
47 days !!!
Originally Posted by Yogini1603 
it was a one-sided conversation about how I'm a ****-up followed by "well why do you sound so sad? cheer up"
i got thrown into a locked psych ward 5150 when i was a year sober because i failed to follow direction and had no program
my family visited me in there and my dad was (is) unable to process and admit that i actually have emotional and mental disorders
for him real problems must be physical and mental problems arent real
its ok though he isnt the alcoholic/ addict i am
it only matters that i get it
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,985
Nuts Yogini, parents are so powerful in our lives. It's too bad they can't see the huge, mammoth, windmill-impossible fight in which you are engaged AND winning at the tune of 47 days sober.
I never had kids but would be prouder than proud to have a kid who was fighting such a battle. Each day you fight through is a cobweb thin layer to add to your accomplishment.
Could you please look in the mirror and serenade yourself with your best rendition of the "Climb Every Mountain" or "The Impossible Dream"!!!
I never had kids but would be prouder than proud to have a kid who was fighting such a battle. Each day you fight through is a cobweb thin layer to add to your accomplishment.
Could you please look in the mirror and serenade yourself with your best rendition of the "Climb Every Mountain" or "The Impossible Dream"!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Cry it out!!!
It will help you feel much better. Also keep your eye on the price because drinking will make everything even worse.
Think that this is about you and not him and YOU are making it happen.
Rely on us. We get it.
It will help you feel much better. Also keep your eye on the price because drinking will make everything even worse.
Think that this is about you and not him and YOU are making it happen.
Rely on us. We get it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Just don't drink. That will only make things worse. Much worse.
This might not be massively helpful now, but you know, at the moment you are dealing with the most difficult part of sobriety. In early days we haven't yet got new strategies in place for coping with all the feelings that life throws up at us. Also, we've still got so much wreckage to clear that it all seems impossible, and we're very much stuck in that unhelpful mode of thinking where we try to deal with all our past (and the mistakes we made, and the shame we have , and how peed off we are at others), our present, and try to plan and control our future (how we're going to deal with this that or the other tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and OMG, what about my pension?!?)
For right now, just try to breathe. Proper deep meditative breaths. Just focus on now. What you can feel on your skin, what you can smell, hear, taste, etc. Mindfulness really helps us to reset. Like restarting your computer when it's got too many tabs open.
Next, if you have a copy of the AA Promises, then read them. They DO come true. All of them. If we work for them. And at the moment you have started along the path. When you start working your steps with a sponsor the real work begins, and things will start to get easier.
So, *hugs* for now. For this horribly difficult period. But please, keep that flicker of hope in sight. Things do get better. One way or another.
If you can't get to a meeting later today, please call someone from AA and have a chat to get it off your chest proper. It might help to listen to one of the AA Speakers. This has got me through some tricky times. There are lots to choose from on this site... 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
They are organised by step (as appropriate ) or speaker. My favourites are Sandy Beach, Earl Hightower and Clancy, but your tastes may well be different.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. Stick with it. BB
This might not be massively helpful now, but you know, at the moment you are dealing with the most difficult part of sobriety. In early days we haven't yet got new strategies in place for coping with all the feelings that life throws up at us. Also, we've still got so much wreckage to clear that it all seems impossible, and we're very much stuck in that unhelpful mode of thinking where we try to deal with all our past (and the mistakes we made, and the shame we have , and how peed off we are at others), our present, and try to plan and control our future (how we're going to deal with this that or the other tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and OMG, what about my pension?!?)
For right now, just try to breathe. Proper deep meditative breaths. Just focus on now. What you can feel on your skin, what you can smell, hear, taste, etc. Mindfulness really helps us to reset. Like restarting your computer when it's got too many tabs open.
Next, if you have a copy of the AA Promises, then read them. They DO come true. All of them. If we work for them. And at the moment you have started along the path. When you start working your steps with a sponsor the real work begins, and things will start to get easier.
So, *hugs* for now. For this horribly difficult period. But please, keep that flicker of hope in sight. Things do get better. One way or another.
If you can't get to a meeting later today, please call someone from AA and have a chat to get it off your chest proper. It might help to listen to one of the AA Speakers. This has got me through some tricky times. There are lots to choose from on this site... 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
They are organised by step (as appropriate ) or speaker. My favourites are Sandy Beach, Earl Hightower and Clancy, but your tastes may well be different.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. Stick with it. BB
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