Lovemyson101

Hi,

If you guys remember I posted here asking for info about interventions and I greatly appreciate all your help with that.

Unfortunately we didn't get to do that. Son got arrested for possession and breaking and entering... he called me from jail demanding money for bail. I told him I will check.... truth is, I don't want him out of there right now. So many people have died of overdoses around here. I know he's safer there... but I am dying inside. I never though I'd see my son in prison.

The lawyer says there's a good chance he'll get diverted to drug court and go to rehab, especially since he's a combat veteran which counts in his favor.

If anyone here has been through this, I'd love to hear from you. Take care everybody.

chicory

I am sorry for what you are going through . As you say, he's safer there, for sure.

Demanding money for bail sounds like he really needs his head to clear. His actions put him there, and you do not owe him .

If you can, step back and get your mind clear as well. What would you tell your best friend to do, if it was her son?

He is safer there, and needs rehab . Sounds like a ticking time bomb.

Be strong. Keep posting. Others have surely been where you are.

prayers for you and your son.

JimC60

Lovemyson101,

Sorry that this incident happened before you could try an intervention. Breaking and entering serves to highlight your son's level of desperation and dependence -- he is at the point where he will do just about anything to get the drugs his body and brain demand.

".... there's a good chance he'll get diverted to drug court and go to rehab....."

Fortunately, I have no first hand experience with this situation but a handful of parents in my Nar-Anon group do.

Strange as it may seem, and with the aid of 20/20 hindsight, without exception they all agree that prison was the best thing that happened to their addicted children. They were all admitted to a program which is called CREST and found their sobriety there. This is not a typical 28 day type program, more like 6 to 9 months.

At the time they all thought, as you currently do, that their child going to prison was about the worst thing which could happen, but in the long run it was actually a good thing.

Here's hoping that the lawyer is correct - diverted to drug court and sent to rehab.

Keep coming back,

Jim

Sephra

Hi,
I have experience with my stepson and stepdaughter with drug court and diversion programs. I live in NH, so I am sure that they are different everywhere.
Here, while the program is good in theory, its not so good in reality.
Our state is so overrun with the drug problem that the system cant really keep up.
In my stepdaughters case, they drug tested her every week, and she failed every week. Nothing was ever done. In both stepkids cases... there is a requirement of going to 4 meetings a week. Neither have ever went to one. Nothing is ever done.
What is done... a required meeting with the court or case assignee, and the **** tests (which if they come back positive, there is no repercussions) and curfew. My stepson has a 7pm curfew and they send a probation officer (? I think he's probation) to check if hes there. what that means... I get the law showing up at my house at random times. This week, the guy showed up at 5:30 (? for a 7 pm curfew? and is on my property, hating his job, being rude to me? Lovely.)
I wish I had more faith in the diversion program. What I have seen in my situation is that it just buys them more time, and they do enough just to tow the line and stay out of trouble, and the program is short funded and overwhelmed and the system sucks.
I hope its the wake up call that your son needs.
I just know I was really kind of glad when mine got into it, thinking that it would do more good than it did in my case.
Also, because they are in diversion, the court looks favorably on it, my stepdaughter in particular, they did no favors, keeping out of jail. Jail is safer. Diversion, still gives an active addict to much free time and choice. (In my jaded opinion only)

Lovemyson101

Thank you all. I haven't really slept much since he got arrested and didn't really go anywhere other than the naranon meeting. To be honest... I feel guilty for being relieved that he's in there.
The lawyer said it will take a month or two before they make their decision. Son is going through supervised withdrawal in their right now. I haven't visited him yet... I'm afraid of what I might see and I don't want the confrontation.
Many people tell me this is for the best and I understand that logically but it's hard to feel that way right now. I keep asking myself if this would be my son's turning point, and not having an answer frankly drives me crazy.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Love my son, My JJ was in jail as a result of his burglary in our home, and it is the absolute BEST place for a detox if the addict is unwilling to voluntarily go. I did NOT bail out JJ because I knew he would be right back at it. As part of his probation, he had to go to rehab and that is where he first found sobriety. I think it is absolutely fine you are relieved. Don't believe your son if he says he is in danger. The truth is, they figure out the pecking order and its not as horrible as they want you to believe.

Be strong!
Hugs
TT

teatreeoil007

It may be sad, but true that while in jail, they can at least have their drug supply cut off and stop using. For some people that's the only way they get clean.


As to drug court: He will be brought before a judge and there will likely be a panel of professionals giving input who may be sitting in the jury box: Substance abuse counselor, probation officer,cops, etc.,etc Depending on what they recommend and their input, he will be ordered community supervision or go back to jail.

"Community Supervision" is basically probation. And, let me tell you being on probation is not a cakewalk. Most PO's I know are a very strict, dedicated lot who come down pretty hard on any violation of probation. Random urine drugs screens are quite common. .

The fact that your son is a combat veteran IS in his favor....it shows that he will likely do well with discipline and structure.

Now to my soapbox: There is a serious lack of services out there. And the way our veterans are being treated is also seriously lacking. Many have to wait SO LONG to get the treatment they need. I am thankful to your son for his service. I have a nephew who served twice in Afghanistan and a niece who served once.

atalose

Gotta keep telling yourself, it’s the safest place for him right now. County Jails and State prisons are very different. I’m sure he is in the sick ward in a county jail detoxing from drugs with medical supervision. I agree, keep him there for as long as you can, don’t buy into anything horrific he may tell you. You may even want to limit his phone calls to you. He wants out so he can obtain more drugs period and he’ll say just about anything to achieve that goal. If you have an attorney try and work with them on getting him to go from jail straight into rehab for whatever length his sentence may be. That way he has a fighting chance towards getting clean. As opposed to getting probation, doing the getting clean on his own or weekly drug testing by an outpatient service or showing up at AA meetings just to have his paper signed. They buy their time until probation is up, hanging with the same people in the same place doing the same things. Getting him away and out of that environment for as long as possible could have the best results.

teatreeoil007

Sephra is right I think in that it tends to vary by state. Some states have a rep for being more tough and some judges are more tough than other judges. There are some judges that will scare the living daylights out these kids; IMO we need more judges like that. Some probation officers are more tough than others. My hub was a PO for a very long time and he had a very good success rate of turning kids around. He sees them out and about in the community now and at the gym and most of them are doing very well.

So, if at all possible pray for a tough judge and a good PO if he gets on probation. The only way urine drug screening is effective is if it is totally random/unannounced. Also, in our state, PO's may show up at your doorstep any time they wish to check on someone. In fact, the more unannounced it is the better, likely.

I've had some niece's and nephews in trouble with the law; because of drugs. Some did well with correction and went on clean and sober; while others ended up worse; one got in a confrontation with the cops; pulled a gun and was shot to death. Pretty sad when you see your nephew on the evening news.

Ann

I often refer to "strangely wrapped gifts", those blessings that come to us in the middle of chaos....and I think this just may be one of them.

He will be safe and clean (or more so than on the street), he will go to rehab and hopefully stay if for no other reason than to avoid going back to jail...and he just might learn something or meet someone that helps him find a better path.

Trust the process, dear, I think you got your intervention, it just wasn't in the way you expected. I will keep your boy in my prayers. God's got this handled.

Hugs

needingabreak

Lovemyson I am echoing what the others have said. As the mother of a RAS, I know the tug of war that goes on, wanting to save them but wanting them to get the help.

Hopefully this will be the special wrapped gift Ann speaks of. I will pray your son is given a choice, jail or months of rehab.
More needs to be done with our vets and they are so lacking in all areas to give the help they need. Your son is monitored now and will be well taken care of vs being on the street and possible overdose/death. When you put it like that it isnt so hard a decision anymore is it? His life is more important than his comfort. Stay strong ad know by allowing him to stay there you are helping him to save his life...and start a new one drug free. Wishing the best for both you and your son. Hugs from one mother to another.

Lovemyson101

A strangely-wrapped gift... I keep hoping that this is what it is. As bad as I feel, I was surprised that it was easier to fall asleep last night. I know where my son is and as much as that hurts.... I also know he's not dead. That helps.

The lawyer said that he will recommend that son gets sentenced to rehab and he doesn't think the court would have a problem with that. My son originally left and moved to the other side of the country because he wouldn't go to rehab. Maybe this is what he needed to get him there. I wish I knew which program do people who get sentenced to rehab over there go to so I could research it.
Nothing to do but wait and pray. Thank you all.

Seren

Yep, loved it when my stepson was in jail. At least he wasn't 'running and gunning'. Hospital, too, frankly. Although those times are more serious I always felt that at least there would be social workers to talk to him there (captive audience and all).

I know that thinking about your precious child being in prison is hard, but as others have said, trust the process and let this play out. Your son is experiencing the consequences of his actions, and maybe this will get him to think. Sending hugs