Suzieq17

Annual holiday party.

Already relapsed once.

I know if I don't go, I am sure people will ask why I wasn't there. Already getting questions as to why I've missed other functions. I'm just not ready for parties and not ready to tell people I'm a drunk and in recovery.

Feeling like a hermit, but for a good reason. Just finding making excuses difficult and necessary. Not a pity party, more of a vent. I'm sure others out there faced similar situations, how did you handle and what did you do for YOU to embrace the dodging people and questions.

Thanks in advance.

FreeOwl

I wasn't able to make it this year, was it a good time?

Yeah, I had some important things to tend to this year.... tell me about it!!

Well, I have decided to focus on things that are inconsistent with parties and made a decision to honor those things this holiday. I hope you had a good time!

I've embraced a sober way of life and the party just really wasn't in line with that.

I didn't want to go.

There are all sorts of answers, and in the end it really doesn't matter what your answer is. People will accept it or they won't. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or how they take it. What matters is your sobriety and your choice to do what you personally need to do in honor of your sobriety.

damascus1986

before i was able to handle social work parties i went to recovery events at my home group. i cut off friends that i knew all my life for my recovery. finding new friends who cared if i was clean went a long way.

I understand some don't want to tell people they are in recovery that's the beauty of being anonymous. I like free owls last answer " i didn't want to go"
it took me a long time to be ok telling people NO but it was something i had to do to stay straight.

Anna

I flatly refused to allow other people to make me feel guilty because I missed an event. Early recovery was a time which I devoted to doing what I needed, no one else. And, you don't need to be a hermit. There are probably lots of places in your community where you could help out making up Christmas parcels or serving food. It's a time to make new memories and begin your sober life.

teaorcoffee

Just make up an excuse - doesn't have to be big - just say you're double booked and leave it at that. It will only seem weird if you make a fuss about it

doggonecarl

So what.

Recovery requires a lot of changes from you to succeed.

Start here.

August252015

I'm with Anna.

For the big bash our owners through at the restaurant on Thanksgiving: "I'll be spending the day with my family." It was true, simple, enough said. I also refrained from bringing the topic up with others (just to make conversation) so I was involved in less of this than I could have been.

I also have no problem lying - if I hadn't had plans with family, I'd have said the same thing.

A simple response is sufficient- you truly don't owe anyone an answer for this kind of thing and - honestly, truly, REALLY, people will talk about you less than you think. The ones who keep batting your absence about don't have enough to do, perhaps a drinking problem of their own (if that's a big part of this event and/or what they used to do with you) or some other motive that you're better off staying away from anyway.

You can do it.

thomas11

Call it being selfish, or thick skinned, or whatever. In early recovery I think its important to put your foot down. What excuse you use is up to you. Your sobriety isn't about them, its about you.

Findingtheway

Hi,

I remember i bailed on going to a few family get together's early on, and my sister gave me total grief about it too.

In the big picture, i was doing what i felt was BEST for my recovery. Being around my family (whom i love with all my heart don't get me wrong!) who were partying and drinking didn't feel like a place i wanted to be early on.

Don't worry too much about it. If you don't feel like it's a place you should be then don't go.

A good friend of mine told me once *We can go anywhere, any place in this world, as long as we have a legitimate reason for being there*

I think the opposite rings true as well. *You don't have to be anywhere, any place, as long as you have a legitimate reason for not wanting to be there*

Just my $ 0.02

Wish you well.

Findingtheway

Gonnachange

Don't spend too much mental capital with this. The less said the better and believe me if you take that approach there will be virtually no conversation about why you didn't attend.

A couple of days ago I was invited to a football party that I've been to for probably about ten consecutive years. Truly a fun and great time, but as life works I already had plans with a cousin who lives on the other side of the county and is visiting. I called my friend to RSVP, he understood, and that was that. No drama, no nothing. For the record, when I went last year I did not have any alcohol and there was no issue. Frankly, nobody really cares what your (or my) drinking habits are other than when foolish drunken behavior comes into the mix.

AnvilheadII

you don't have to explain or defend choosing not to go to something!!

seriously, exactly how much time do you think others are really devoting to YOUR social calendar? it's only as big a deal as you make it. you don't need to rent a cast and act like you broke your leg.....if you feel the need to say something if asked, simply say you have other plans.