Abriella

Hi everyone!

This is my first post on SR. I have been a long-time "lurker" but never registered before today. I am on Day #1 of yet another attempt at sobriety. I know I can get sober... it's staying sober for any length of time that I can't seem to handle. Hubby and I have been married a long time and have been "drinking buddies" since the very beginning. Last year I made it a little over 9 months before caving into temptation. At that time, I was just keeping a daily journal, but the anxiety, heart palpitations, and feelings of being "left out" did me in. This time around, I will keep that journal and stay active on this forum for the support and encouragement that I know I won't get at home. Sad, but true. Any advice from others living with daily drinkers would be appreciated!!

FreeOwl

that's a tough one..... having been sober in a relationship with a drinker, and with an almost-non-drinker (VERY occasional one drink lady) - I can say that it was a huge challenge to my sobriety being with a drinker.

With the benefit of a few years sobriety, I can say with confidence that I just would NOT be with a daily drinker. Not only because of the risk to my sobriety, but because of the impact to our partnership. Daily - and certainly heavy daily - drinkers do not engage with life the way I now seek to engage with life. A person living in a daily relationship with alcohol does not live in a relationship with other human beings the way that I choose to live in relationship.

I'm sure the position you find yourself in is deeply challenging and I'm sorry you face that hurdle and potential risk to your sobriety. I wish you all the strength and focus to maintain your sobriety and the boundaries around it that you need to ensure your life isn't ruled by alcohol.

Anna

I think it's so important to focus on the positive changes in your life rather than thinking about being left out. Did you make any other changes in your life besides stopping drinking? Keeping a journal is a great idea, but you might also think about doing volunteer work, beginning yoga or an exercise program, starting a course or hobby. All these things can help you to meet new sober people.

entropy1964

Welcome!

Well that is a very tough situation. My late hub and I were drinking buddies too. He hated my alcoholism (he was not anything like me, although alcoholic I'm sure) but he didn't want to stop the 'fun' drinking. Soooo, it was up to me. I had sober periods....lots of em. But I would always relapse, usually with him.

I know that I would never have been able to do it alone. So I recommend some kind of F2F program where you can meet with other people in your shoes. Al Anon as well because you can learn a lot about detachment....which is so important in enmeshed, addictive relationships. And I'd ask him to make the home alcohol free.....at least for the first year, or 90 days?

Really the rubber hits the road with you owning your own behavior. No rationalizing or denial. Just don't go it alone. You don't need to.

HopeandFaith1

I am right there with you! Hello and welcome. My husband and I were best drinking pals for 16 years. I was always the bad one though he drank a lot too. He drinks a lot more since I quit 167 days ago. I have watched him drink himself into a stupor almost every night. It hurts me to see him go down the same road I was headed down and I pray he'll be able to go back the other direction before too much damage is done.

It does get on my nerves when he's drunk but so far, thank God, I haven't been too tempted to join him. First you have to work on removing the obsession from yourself before you even worry about his drinking. There are many ways to do this-the same things don't always work for everyone but I have learned, through years of reading people's experiences on SR and my own experiences, any combination of the following can help immensely in stopping and staying stopped: prayer, meditation, exercise, counseling, face to face meetings, reading, online support, medical support, and activities you enjoy that don't involve drinking. Most importantly, I believe you have to be ready to quit, and you have to accept the fact that you cannot drink again, no matter what.

Your decision to quit is the best possible thing you can do for yourself regardless of what your husband decides to do. I know my husband has noticed that I have lost weight and look a lot better since I quit and he also knows that my blood pressure and cholesterol levels have decreased substantially just from quitting drinking. I do feel that he will be ready to quit soon himself, after seeing how I've been able to stay with it and the positive changes that have taken place.

Also it is important to find some things you enjoy doing to stave off boredom and to serve as a distraction to his drinking. Personally I read a lot, and play with my dogs while he drinks, but there's lots of other things to do too.

I know it's awkward going out to eat or to socialize while they are still drinking. That's been the hardest part for me so far, but by no means insurmountable. I like to read SR on my phone when I'm out and feel stressed. There's always someone here going through the same thing and others with really good advice and suggestions.

I wish you the best in your efforts towards sobriety. Don't use your husband's drinking as an excuse. You can do this if you want to bad enough.

Delilah1

Hello,

Welcome!! I can completely relate to your post. I am two days away from eleven months, and my husband is still a daily drinker. He usually will have a few beers each night, some nights he has a few too many, and while it is annoying, I have not let it interfere with me staying sober. A few times he has said he may stop as well, which would be great, but I need to remain focused on what I can control which is me and my sobriety.

I have found reading and posting here daily very helpful. I am a member of the January 2016 class, and have found it to be so supportive.

Glad you are here, and I know you can do this!!!

Abriella

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement!! It means so much to know I am not alone.