Had a Mental Breakdown over the past few days
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 258
Had a Mental Breakdown over the past few days
I was drinking pretty heavy over the past week. I managed to pull it together through Thanksgiving Day, all fairly uneventful.
I was actually proud of myself for actually making and bringing the dishes I promised and getting there on time.
Friday all hell broke loose. I woke up and had a bottle of wine before noon. After that I started on beer for the rest of the day. Had a crying breakdown that lasted about an hour. Then I pulled myself together and went to my friends house. There I had more beer and a couple of small shots of tequilla. I think I was pretty wasted but I still drove home. I know I shouldn't have and one day my luck is going to run out.
Well my husband was mad because I stayed out so late. So of course there was beer still in the fridge Saturday morning. That cycle continues this morning.
I know everyone here talks about a plan. I thought I had one but it's not working, actually I haven't been working it! I think it may be counter productive to beat myself up right now. So my plan today is one hour at a time. And concentrate on fixing the things around the house I've ignored lately. It's one of those sad rainy days today. I should be grateful I don't feel too physically bad today. No headache only a mild stomach issue.
Quitting drinking is like changing your eating and exercising habits to lose weight. You have to really, really want it and don't call it a "diet" because you set yourself up for ultimate failure.
Sorry for my long post folks. Sometimes it just helps to talk it out.
I was actually proud of myself for actually making and bringing the dishes I promised and getting there on time.
Friday all hell broke loose. I woke up and had a bottle of wine before noon. After that I started on beer for the rest of the day. Had a crying breakdown that lasted about an hour. Then I pulled myself together and went to my friends house. There I had more beer and a couple of small shots of tequilla. I think I was pretty wasted but I still drove home. I know I shouldn't have and one day my luck is going to run out.
Well my husband was mad because I stayed out so late. So of course there was beer still in the fridge Saturday morning. That cycle continues this morning.
I know everyone here talks about a plan. I thought I had one but it's not working, actually I haven't been working it! I think it may be counter productive to beat myself up right now. So my plan today is one hour at a time. And concentrate on fixing the things around the house I've ignored lately. It's one of those sad rainy days today. I should be grateful I don't feel too physically bad today. No headache only a mild stomach issue.
Quitting drinking is like changing your eating and exercising habits to lose weight. You have to really, really want it and don't call it a "diet" because you set yourself up for ultimate failure.
Sorry for my long post folks. Sometimes it just helps to talk it out.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you're here. Have you decided what you are going to do today? I mean that in every sense- choose not to drink? How to spend your time?
You can quit. You'll have support here and there are different programs to assist you in the process IRL. Mine is AA. Finding one and deciding you want to be sober more than you drink are great starts.
Good luck.
You can quit. You'll have support here and there are different programs to assist you in the process IRL. Mine is AA. Finding one and deciding you want to be sober more than you drink are great starts.
Good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 258
I was trying to get to AA meetings last week but of course didn't make it. That needs to be my ultimate priority! I need accountability. I know we have to choose sobriety for ourselves, but it is very difficult with another alcoholic in the house.
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Originally Posted by Marissa41 
Quitting drinking is like changing your eating and exercising habits to lose weight. You have to really, really want it and don't call it a "diet" because you set yourself up for ultimate failure.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Hi Marissa:
When you wrote " There I had more beer and a couple of small shots of tequilla. I think I was pretty wasted but I still drove home. I know I shouldn't have and one day my luck is going to run out." that really worried me. It's a little like a person playing Russian Roulette with a revolver, pointing it not only at herself but at others and saying "I know my (your) luck is going to run out one day" Maybe you saw the post just today on this forum of a person recalling how his drunk driving killed his best friend. Do want to have to live with that for the rest of your life? Isn't it worth taking a taxi or having someone else drive you? The drinking affects your judgment in this situation. So don't drink, and if you drink don't drive. Easy to say. Hard to do. Good luck.
W.
When you wrote " There I had more beer and a couple of small shots of tequilla. I think I was pretty wasted but I still drove home. I know I shouldn't have and one day my luck is going to run out." that really worried me. It's a little like a person playing Russian Roulette with a revolver, pointing it not only at herself but at others and saying "I know my (your) luck is going to run out one day" Maybe you saw the post just today on this forum of a person recalling how his drunk driving killed his best friend. Do want to have to live with that for the rest of your life? Isn't it worth taking a taxi or having someone else drive you? The drinking affects your judgment in this situation. So don't drink, and if you drink don't drive. Easy to say. Hard to do. Good luck.
W.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
But I do think the getting of things done around the house, and not drinking on that day are the beginnings of a good plan.
I thought a plan was about putting something else in the place of alcohol ie., cleaning house, the stopping of global warming, achieving world peace
etc.
Sounds like a good plan to me. Start out small work up big. Charity to self can begin with a clean house Just don't drink.
Might even be giving yourself permission to flop on the couch.
I thought a plan was about putting something else in the place of alcohol ie., cleaning house, the stopping of global warming, achieving world peace
etc. Sounds like a good plan to me. Start out small work up big. Charity to self can begin with a clean house
Just don't drink. Might even be giving yourself permission to flop on the couch.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
Marissa, hi. For me my plan was kind of like this
-Stop drinking periods. No if's, no but's- stop or die.
- Get physically healthy- including safety with detox- doctor
-Get support- AA, counsellor, GP, SMART and psychologist
- change llifestyle- including a daily routine- shower, meditation/readings, breakfast, study, exercise, SR, plus meal preparation, clothes, budgeting.
- Maintain sobriety by attending meetings and appointments without fail
- Keep a journal
- With a sponsor- keep doing step work, once finished- wash, rinse-repeat.
- Remind myself every moment of every day- drink and die.
-Stop drinking periods. No if's, no but's- stop or die.
- Get physically healthy- including safety with detox- doctor
-Get support- AA, counsellor, GP, SMART and psychologist
- change llifestyle- including a daily routine- shower, meditation/readings, breakfast, study, exercise, SR, plus meal preparation, clothes, budgeting.
- Maintain sobriety by attending meetings and appointments without fail
- Keep a journal
- With a sponsor- keep doing step work, once finished- wash, rinse-repeat.
- Remind myself every moment of every day- drink and die.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
When you said about finishing a bottle before noon that really brought things home for me. Once I start I can't stop either. It sucks but accepting it and giving up has been the best thing I've ever done in my life so far.
When I first came to this website I kept hearing about plans, I read the links I was given, wrote things down...but lasted a maximum of 4 days before I drank again. I now know it's because it wasn't *my* plan; I hadn't given it any thought for myself. I go to AA meetings daily and recently a guy who has 40-odd years of sobriety said to me, "You're stubborn, that's pretty good. It's your recovery and anyone that tells rather than suggests what you do can take a hike" and it made me laugh. Your recovery is entirely personal to you. Part of my own plan is the AA meetings, this website, writing in my journal every day, eating 3 times a day, getting fresh air everyday and reading recovery literature (it's funny how many ah-ha moments you can have whilst reading a book about similar experiences)
When I first came to this website I kept hearing about plans, I read the links I was given, wrote things down...but lasted a maximum of 4 days before I drank again. I now know it's because it wasn't *my* plan; I hadn't given it any thought for myself. I go to AA meetings daily and recently a guy who has 40-odd years of sobriety said to me, "You're stubborn, that's pretty good. It's your recovery and anyone that tells rather than suggests what you do can take a hike" and it made me laugh. Your recovery is entirely personal to you. Part of my own plan is the AA meetings, this website, writing in my journal every day, eating 3 times a day, getting fresh air everyday and reading recovery literature (it's funny how many ah-ha moments you can have whilst reading a book about similar experiences)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 258
Originally Posted by wpainterw
Hi Marissa:
When you wrote " There I had more beer and a couple of small shots of tequilla. I think I was pretty wasted but I still drove home. I know I shouldn't have and one day my luck is going to run out." that really worried me. It's a little like a person playing Russian Roulette with a revolver, pointing it not only at herself but at others and saying "I know my (your) luck is going to run out one day" Maybe you saw the post just today on this forum of a person recalling how his drunk driving killed his best friend. Do want to have to live with that for the rest of your life? Isn't it worth taking a taxi or having someone else drive you? The drinking affects your judgment in this situation. So don't drink, and if you drink don't drive. Easy to say. Hard to do. Good luck.
W.
When you wrote " There I had more beer and a couple of small shots of tequilla. I think I was pretty wasted but I still drove home. I know I shouldn't have and one day my luck is going to run out." that really worried me. It's a little like a person playing Russian Roulette with a revolver, pointing it not only at herself but at others and saying "I know my (your) luck is going to run out one day" Maybe you saw the post just today on this forum of a person recalling how his drunk driving killed his best friend. Do want to have to live with that for the rest of your life? Isn't it worth taking a taxi or having someone else drive you? The drinking affects your judgment in this situation. So don't drink, and if you drink don't drive. Easy to say. Hard to do. Good luck.
W.
Maybe you didn't read my post about my bother being killed in an auto pedestrian accident a few months back. I regret driving. Telling me after the fact isn't really helpful. My post was about changing things.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I'm glad you didn't kill any people, or yourself. I was addicted to alcohol for just over twenty years, but I didn't drink and drive. I'd use internet shopping for my supplies.
Are you saying this is the first time you've driven under the influence of drink in thirty years? You said 'one day my luck is going to run out' regarding drinking and driving, which worries me, as though you've done it often. What about the luck of the other innocent road-users?
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and I hope I'm misunderstanding your post and this is the first time you've driven hugely over the limit.
If not, thankfully you got away with it - but now is the time to stop drinking, so that it doesn't happen again, you may not be so fortunate next time, or the other road-users.
Are you saying this is the first time you've driven under the influence of drink in thirty years? You said 'one day my luck is going to run out' regarding drinking and driving, which worries me, as though you've done it often. What about the luck of the other innocent road-users?
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and I hope I'm misunderstanding your post and this is the first time you've driven hugely over the limit.
If not, thankfully you got away with it - but now is the time to stop drinking, so that it doesn't happen again, you may not be so fortunate next time, or the other road-users.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 258
Let me also add that the best man in our wedding was killed in alcohol related accident and left behind 2 small children and a grieving wife. So I should know better, right?! I thought this site was for healing. It seemed mostly positive.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Marissa, this site is for healing and you will find fantastic support to guide you to quitting drinking.
But your 'one day my luck is going to run out' reference with regard to DUI! Surely against the background of your best man being killed in an alcohol related accident, you must understand how serious this alcohol problem is and that you must stop drinking. Otherwise you may drink and drive again, risking the lives of yourself and others?
So, by your responses, you clearly want to stop drinking and all credit to you. What are you going to do differently?
But your 'one day my luck is going to run out' reference with regard to DUI! Surely against the background of your best man being killed in an alcohol related accident, you must understand how serious this alcohol problem is and that you must stop drinking. Otherwise you may drink and drive again, risking the lives of yourself and others?
So, by your responses, you clearly want to stop drinking and all credit to you. What are you going to do differently?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sometimes to heal we need honesty, not platitudes. Any DUI is serious. You know that, so it's pointless expecting it to become an elephant in the room. Recovery is kind of dependent on honesty. You've mentioned yourself that every day you end up drinking again because you belive the lies you tell yourself (or that your AV is telling you - same thing really). When we do this it's denial. And denial keeps us drinking. Keeps us digging. Keeps us separate from others, adrift and lonely. Keeps us doing things that fill us with shame (perhaps your DUIS is an example of that). Keeps us in the muck and mire, with a bleak and hopeless perspective.
Self honesty can bring about acceptance and willingness. And that is what so often marks the start of sobriety and the beginning of a journey to recovery.
No one will lie to you on here. Honesty is too important. We're rooting for you, and hoping and praying you will find the resolve to get and stay sober.
Self honesty can bring about acceptance and willingness. And that is what so often marks the start of sobriety and the beginning of a journey to recovery.
No one will lie to you on here. Honesty is too important. We're rooting for you, and hoping and praying you will find the resolve to get and stay sober.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Marissa, no, I wasn't referring to drinking and driving. My question was, what are you going to do now about drinking? What plans do you have to stop drinking and become a non-drinker? Have you read around the threads regarding the different recovery methods? What do you think of them? You're clearly an intelligent person and must have some views. I'm trying to focus you (probably clumsily) but I really hope you find a method that works for you, truly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 258
If I wasn't honest I never would have said anything about it. I've never been arrested, pulled over, or been in an accident because of it. But right now I feel like because I was honest I'm a horrible person. I can't deal with being beat down here too. Honestly, my title was "Mental Breakdown" geez..
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Your post is a great reminder of why I'm glad to be sober today.
I slowly tried to poison myself with alcohol.
No matter how much I drank to drown out everything, I'd come to the next day and all the problems were still there.
I went to AA over 17+ years ago.
That might or might not work for you. I don't know of anyone that continued drinking like I did have any fun. The fun goes out of the excessive drinking and the misery gets worse. I couldn't take the pain any more. Grateful to God and the people on here that taught me to love myself.
I can't love myself and still try to drink myself to death.
I had a choice of having a life worth living or one to drink myself to death over.
What are you willing to lose to keep drinking???
I slowly tried to poison myself with alcohol.
No matter how much I drank to drown out everything, I'd come to the next day and all the problems were still there.
I went to AA over 17+ years ago.
That might or might not work for you. I don't know of anyone that continued drinking like I did have any fun. The fun goes out of the excessive drinking and the misery gets worse. I couldn't take the pain any more. Grateful to God and the people on here that taught me to love myself.
I can't love myself and still try to drink myself to death.
I had a choice of having a life worth living or one to drink myself to death over.
What are you willing to lose to keep drinking???
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