ducky12

Hi all,
For the past year I have been visiting this site frequently and today I am reaching out for some guidance from those who have been in a similar situation. My husband recently completed 60 days in rehab, a SMART based program combined with some 12 step work as the full 12 step programs have not worked for him in the past. He is doing great, still sober and on advice of the staff at the facility it was recommended that he complete a slow transition home to become acclimated with "real life" again. We have a baby at home so I agreed this was for the best. He did three weekends home his last month, besides sleeping allot, he was great. He was present, mindful, open and talked to me about all of his experiences. Last weekend he returned home for good and the first two days were great. Then, he became closed off, extremely quiet, a bit passively combative and has said hardly anything to me in the past several days. He says he is just sorting things out in his head, adjusting, etc. which I entirely understand, but he seems to have lost his motivation, energy and passion. He has gone to only 3 meetings since he has been back, has not followed up to make psychologist and psychiatrist appointments and sits around most of the day watching tv, playing with his iPad and phone. He seems checked out. I know he isn't drinking since he is on meds to negate the effects of drinking. Note, he is not going back to his job and is searching for new career opportunities with less stress, so he has free time all day, and I know that complacency is the devils hand. Is this normal? Will he "snap" out of it? I try to talk to him and he just says I am bothering him and am annoying, which hurts so much as I have done everything possible, without enabling, to keep our family together. I am trying to remain hopeful but it's fading...

Anna

Hi and I'm glad you posted.

I'm sorry for the situation you are in. I hope your husband decides to work on his recovery and also to continue the job search. Have you considered AlAnon as a support for yourself? It might be helpful.

thomas11

Every situation probably has its own unique challenges but....I'm a guy, and I needed time to figure things out, and when I'm doing that, I prefer to be alone (or not bothered). Not sure how long it took me to open up, but it was more than a few weeks. Not sure that helps you, just sharing our situation.

ps. Keep in mind, if he intends to remain sober, his life has changed forever. And that takes some time to get used to.

least

I would also recommend AlAnon for support for yourself.

I don't know if your husband's behavior is normal or not. Can you tell him how you feel? Please do get some support. You are not alone.

Algorithm

I wouldn't worry too much about enabling. You might, however, want to consider simply asking him if he is ever going to drink again in this lifetime, because the family can't afford another relapse.

I can guarantee you that nobody in rehab ever asked him this, and what he says may be instructive for you. If he hasn't resolved this "big question" in his mind yet, then there is a problem.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Ducky!!

Maudcat

Al-Anon can be a great source of support for you, ducky. They hav online meetings if getting out is a challenge. I would give him some space for a bit. I know that when I stopped drinking, I felt a great loss, almost like grieving for a friend. It passed, of course. Good luck.