SoberLifeForMe

Hello. It's very late where I am. I just finished a fun movie and am about to head to bed, but I wanted to pose a question to SR members.

As part of my recovery plan, I try to stick close to SR. Sometimes it's posting. Other times, simply reading. The only problem is, after a while, I experience a bit of burnout. Let me be clear, though. It's not the members of SR that are the cause of my burnout. I truly love you wonderful people. It's more of just a depression that I get when it starts to set in again just how horrible addiction is.

On the one hand, it's a relief knowing I'm not alone. On the other, though, it saddens me to no end that so many people are in the grotesque grips of addiction. When I start feeling that way, I take a break from SR, and inevitably, I crumble and choose to start drinking again. Eventually I come running back here with my tail between my legs.

There are so many people on here that are able to post seemingly nonstop. How do you do it? How do you not get depressed by what you read and have to step away for a while? I'd honestly love to be in that same place. When I'm on SR, I feel accountable, and stay firm.

I'm just starting day 6 again, and I'm fearful that the burnout I've felt in the past will be here again soon, and I'll be tempted to back away from SR again. I don't want that to happen.

Any advice? Unfortunately, I really need to go to bed now, but I look forward to reading any comments when I get up tomorrow (technically later today, I guess). Good night to all.

Meraviglioso

First of all good for you for recognising the cycle and looking for a solution.
I think one idea would be to post support and go into thread of those needing help when you are feeling strong. When you start to get that first hint of burnout I would suggest sticking to the more positive threads such as the milestone threads or those posting about successes. you can usually tell from the title if the tread is going to be a positive one or a negative one.
Another suggestion would be to come right out and post about your feelings of burnout in the moment and ask for help.
Whatever you do, don't give up!

teaorcoffee

I get what you are talking about - Like Meraviglioso says when I feel this happening, I head to the positive threads for a while.
This is why one reason I do like SR - I have choice about who I interact with and when.

PhoenixJ

I try to always see the positives. The flip side- not the horrible consequences- but the potential for healing. Nothing wrong with a bit of time out- but to relapse is not healthy. Do you go to AA, have a sponsor, go to SMART- any f2f stuff? Perhaps that may be the missing link.

Dee74

I really do think it's possible to come here everyday and leave feeling energised and positive.

It's great to read the updates of those happily sober...we have a whole forum devoted to those stories...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/stories-recovery/

and for those who struggling, I try to look at them as someone on their way to change.

I've seen many strugglers here become great examples of recovery

I think maybe your AV is pretty adept at thinning you out from the herd, isolating you, and then the inevitable happens?

A toolbox with only one tool in it is always going to be a little wanting.

Maybe if you can add something else to your recovery plan, you won't need to be so reliant on SR?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

Yogini1603

Like others have said, I stick to positive parts of the forum when I feel a bit down myself. The daily support threads are great for that.
I attend AA meetings everyday and sometimes I leave there uplifted after laughing with other addicts, other times I leave feeling quite down and pensive. We can't always get the balance right and I think it's brilliant that you recognise your usual pattern.

SR is part of my recovery plan too but it's important to recognise when you're getting a bit run-down so that you can take a day off.

I reply to threads regularly and it's sad when people disappear to "go back out", but it's part of many journeys, including my own and the fact that this forum exists with so many of us helping each other, is a massively positive thing

Aellyce

Would you be able to compartmentalize the time that you allocate to reading/posting on SR? Plan your days and tell yourself that you will have X amount of time each day at whatever part of the day to be on the forum, instead of leaving it open at all times. I have a tendency for getting obsessed with things that interest me and this strategy works for me in many areas of life. We addicts are good at developing habits so why not use this ability for good purposes? For example, if you have specific parts of the day when you tend to feel especially vulnerable, spend that time with working on your recovery (SR or anything). Or perhaps do the opposite if too much of these things trigger you negatively. Also, I find that using recovery methods in a very homogeneous way (i.e. only or mostly one type all the time) tends to be counterproductive for me, so I have a variety and don't like to get too caught up on any one of them in such a way that it becomes an obsession. I also find that thinking about and dealing with addiction recovery-related stuff all the time is not good for me, it has to be balanced with actually living my sober life and building/enjoying it without worrying and analyzing.

This has been a process for me as in the beginning it was quite the opposite, so learned from experience, trial and error. I even decided to close my SR account twice due to feeling overwhelmed... not with negative energy or being hurt by anything, but overwhelmed with my own obsession. Again, the key for me is compartmentalizing. And, like others said, we can choose what to focus on even on the forum. I have used SR in many ways over time and one way that worked in a particular time period did not work at other times. So, varying the strategy is also helpful.

MellowHeather

There are two long threads that I found. Sorry, I can't link as on my mobile. They're the:

Things normal drinkers wouldn't do; and
Reasons why I should drink today

They're bother reminders - but often humorous - of how truly crazy this addiction can be. It's often black humour, but it might give you a lift or a laugh. Both should be found in the first few pages of this forum.

aasharon90

After ready my fellow SR members posts
above me all of which give many good
suggestions to help you along in your own
recovery journey, I picked up the word....

Balance.

Finding balance in all we do is important
because too much of anything isn't good
for any of us.

Even for me as I connect here on a daily
bases from morning to night, I can experience
burnout and need to step away often to
get reenergized.

I'll read a bit then get up to go outside for
fresh air, get a bite to eat, run to the store,
work in my gardens, feed the birds, which
gives me time to reflect on something I
read here in SR.

Just like when Id sit in the many AA meetings
over the yrs, there was always something I
needed to hear, some little positive note to
carry me thru the day to help me remain sober.

Sure folks come in and go out to only return
to let me know that alcohol and drugs are still
not working after all these yrs and still kicking
butt, taking folks down left and right.

In hearing this, yes it makes me mad, because
I was one of them that alcohol addiction tried
to take down too many yrs ago.

I had to be taught about my addiction and
its affects on my own mind, body and soul
and how it affected others around me. I then
had to be willing to take this AA program
of recovery and learn how to incorporate
it in all areas of my life one day at a time
to remain sober no matter what life thru
at me.

We all have different agendas in life,
retired, working, parents, school, etc.
and still have to find a way to remain
sober, whether it be attending meetings
coming here to SR, support groups,
therapy, just to hear the messages of
hope that if many before me can and have
remain sober then so could I.

Id open my ears to listen in meetings,willing
to absorb whatever the message of hope is,
some small lesson to learn by reading here
in SR to strengthen me, encourage me to
remain sober no matter what.

I use what I learn to my advantage because
I am always learning something useful,
something important, something encouraging
to help me not only remain sober but to
help me grow into the best person I can
possibly be while on this journey in life.

Reflecting on that meaningful word BALANCE
I just read from a fellow member is now embedded
in my mind to reflect on thru out my day and
find ways to use it to better my own life.

So I say Thank You for everyone here in
SR for sharing your own ESH to guide me
along in my own daily life.

Maudcat

Sometimes the stories about relapse are tough to read. Not the relapse part. I believe that happens a lot more than people post and it is part of achieving a sober life, my opinion only. It's the feeling that once someone has relapsed, they are done with sobriety. So not so. Try again.
The toughest ones to read, for me, are the myriad enabler stories. I so relate to those because it's part of my FOO. Very hard to watch in one's own family and, as I said, hard to read. I try to post encouraging words and offer practical advice. We do what we can . Peace.

MIRecovery

I haven been around awhile and post regularly. I definitely can relate to what you are saying. I took off for 6 months because SR was hurting my sobriety not helping.

After returning I have realized a few things. First and foremost is the vast majority of people who post here are not ready to get sober. Their life is falling apart but they aren't willing to make the systemic changes required to get and stay sober. Anyone can get and stay sober but very few are willing to do what is necessary. I don't think SR is special and only reflects recovery rates in general.

While I said the vast majority, I didn't say all. There are many here I have watched go from absolute desperation to happy, joyous, and free. There are others who are regular posters who have long term sobriety.

SR is a funnel. A lot go into the top and a few come out the bottom. Addiction is a nasty piece of work and many many quit their addiction by dying.

How I stay positive is knowing up front I am going to fail far more than I'm going to succeed. I also realize it is not up to me to get or keep someone sober. What I do hope are my words just might keep someone sober for a day. I have posted thousands of posts and if just one of my posts have helped just one person then I have been a success.

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching. As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea. The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

D122y

Slfm,

6 days is great.

Consider that at 6 days or so, your body is free from booze. Healing is underway.

This healing takes, in my case, about a month or so. That is when my physical progress began to improve.

Mentally, because i had been starting and stopping drinking for many years, i was in a deep hellish hole.

Drinking would have anguished the hell a bit, but this would reset the clock. Start over.

I started to feel like i was losing my mind at 3 months.

I came out of the storm at about a year.

Stay clean it gets better. Drink...you know.

Unlearn drinking.

Thanks.

wpainterw

SoberLife:
For me, at least, alcoholism is all about dependency. I'm fortunate that I have been sober and (I hate the word) "clean" for a long time but I develop more dependencies, One is on my dog. That's relatively harmless. E.g. Caroline Knapp's "Pack of Two". Another, troublesome and potentially dangerous, is on "what other people think". SR posting is an example. Suppose I post in an effort to "help" someone and then I go back later to see what kind of response my post got. If it gets little or no response, I may feel "hurt" or "neglected". Even worse for a critical or even hostile response. It's all about me and it shouldn't be. I shouldn't let it but I do because, like many or even most alcoholics, I've always been a dependent person, too sensitive to "what other people think". If I want to help others that's fine but I should not take it personally if there are no cheering crowds or angels welcoming me to sainthood. I try to work on this but when you're approaching 90, it's hard to develop thicker skin. And there's often relatively little time in which to do that.

W.

doggonecarl

It helps that I'm sober. And a few sad posts on SR aren't enough to undo that.

And if I do drink, it won't be because of Sober Recovery. It's not that powerful. But my addiction is.

Maybe SR is making you drink. Perhaps not. But if it's not keeping you sober, maybe it's not enough. Have you any other parts to your recovery?

entropy1964

When I start feeling that way, I take a break from SR, and inevitably, I crumble and choose to start drinking again.

A lot of good posts here. I do relate to burning out on pretty much anything that I'm doing too much of. Including drinking

The above statement is the one I would really look at. Taking a break from SR and drinking again do not have to be synonymous. There is no 'reason' to drink. Maybe break from SR and replace with some other recovery tool....AA meetings as an example. But you're already setting yourself up for relapse...."If this happens, THEN I'll drink".

SoberLifeForMe

Wow, lots of really great comments here. Thank you so much! I have a really busy morning and afternoon, so I probably won't have more time to comment further until this evening, but I've read all the comments and appreciate them all. Good stuff!

zerothehero

Some newcomer threads can be depressing, but I visit here in the spirit of offering if I think I have something to add.

I also take a week off here and there, and I tend to pop in two or three times a day but purposely don't hang here for long periods. When the connection is needed or when I was feeling triggered I would hang longer.

I've learned that SR can be helpful, but it can be an addiction like any other social media. If I feel like I'm just killing time on the computer I get up and walk away.

I'm grateful for the friends I've made here, and they do feel like friends. There are some really caring people here. But I feel like it shouldn't take over my life. I have been getting out more and developing my persona as a sober guy. It's a process.

Thanks for posting.

soberlicious

SR is a cool forum, but it doesn't keep me from drinking. Only *I* can keep myself from pouring alcohol down my throat, because only *I* have control of my hands.

Here's the thing for me. If I tie my abstinence to any outside 'thing', then I'm at the mercy of variables. I don't want to be at the mercy of things that may change, because then my commitment to abstinence could easily change. If I use SR to keep from drinking, then my internet goes down...boom, ready excuse. If I run a couple miles a day to keep me from drinking, then I break my ankle...boom, ready excuse. If I rely on a higher power, then I read or witness something that shakes my faith...boom, ready excuse. I think you see where I'm going with this. All these things can be helpful and better my life, but I'd better not tie my abstinence to anything that has the potential to change. Turns out that's everything. So, for me, there is no valid reason ever to drink. It's default setting is now "not an option".

By all means you should take a break from reading things that disturb or upset you whenever you feel the need to do so. Just don't let your mind use that as an excuse to drink. It will use anything and everything, so just don't co-sign its BS.

CAPTAINZING2000

For someone with problems with addiction or a family member, this is a God send as opposed to vile places like FB.

I'd say not to neglect family members or your work while on here.
Moderation is the key in all aspects of life.

neferkamichael

SoberLifeForMe, 6 days is FANTASTIC, congratulations. I've gotta a instant gratification monkey on my back and can't seem to shake it off, had to force myself to post this. 6 years sober and can barely make myself do anything but work and pay the bills, most annoying. Please figure it out and post, rootin for ya.