The final goodbye
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
The final goodbye
I have lived 2 realities of this disease. My AH struggled for years before finally surrendering and joining AA, and Thanksgiving morning we went to his meeting to celebrate his 4 year chip. He is a healthy happy sober person, with a brotherhood in AA.
Next Tuesday I bury my 53yo brother. Died from his disease. He never surrendered, never found peace. Died alone in his apartment. It didn't have to be this way. He was a smart, funny, loving guy. This disease robbed him of his serenity. He had a family who loved him, but he couldn't see it. I have to find solace knowing that he isn't in pain anymore. He is at peace finally, with my Dad in Heaven.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate this disease.
Next Tuesday I bury my 53yo brother. Died from his disease. He never surrendered, never found peace. Died alone in his apartment. It didn't have to be this way. He was a smart, funny, loving guy. This disease robbed him of his serenity. He had a family who loved him, but he couldn't see it. I have to find solace knowing that he isn't in pain anymore. He is at peace finally, with my Dad in Heaven.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate this disease.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Rec 2, my bro, 8 years ago- 42- we turned off his life support and watched him die. Ugly death. I empathise and grieve with you. I have had a lot of grieving this year and sharing stuff helps the days pass. Still talk to the silly bugger. Prayers to you, PJ.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,001
Hey Rec2, it is indeed a horrible disease.
Reading the Newcomers forum gives me so much hope as so many folks figure it out . . . but then too often we see the reports here of those that couldn't or didn't beat it.
Please be extra super kind to yourself through this time. This must be a huge loss.
May battalions of angels dive bomb you and your family at this time!
Reading the Newcomers forum gives me so much hope as so many folks figure it out . . . but then too often we see the reports here of those that couldn't or didn't beat it.
Please be extra super kind to yourself through this time. This must be a huge loss.
May battalions of angels dive bomb you and your family at this time!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
I am very sorry for your loss, Recovering. I share with you the pain of this crazy, ugly disease. My father, who when sober was loving, funny, talented, kind and loving, died homeless on the street in the Bowery on a cold, rainy night. His fall from grace took him from owning his own lumber business and having a beautiful wife and four kids to being a cliche skid row bum. He was 43.
There is no rationale, no explanation, no silver lining.
Peace to you and your family.
There is no rationale, no explanation, no silver lining.
Peace to you and your family.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Recovery, my deepest condolences and prayers for all who loved him. 
It breaks my heart each time this disease takes people we love, it leaves such loss and emptiness in those who remain. Despicable disease.
It breaks my heart each time this disease takes people we love, it leaves such loss and emptiness in those who remain. Despicable disease.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
My X died alone in his apt. kids didn't see him anymore,he would not go to hospital- I found him 5 hrs. away from where I live- after he would not return phonecalls or email- could have been there a week..... this disease does not play. He was 57. 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm so sorry for loss of your brother, and so very happy for your husband. It's a mystery why some people are never able to get to the point of recovery. I'm grateful for the many who do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
I am so sorry for your loss. Reading others comment on their own experiences losing loved ones to this disease, is chilling and makes my heart hurt. This disease is particularly cruel because those afflicted have it in their physical control to save themselves before it gets too bad, yet so many lose the battle regardless of this fortune. And it doesn't matter what we do which makes it all the harder. We can take care of them and love them and provide and do all the work to get them every possible tool out there, every tool proven to be successful, but in the end we cannot save someone and in some cases, they are not able to save themselves.
In these times, we look to God and are forced to make peace that some things are painfully unexplainable. Why does someone do this - why couldn't they just fight harder? Why did they need this poison so much when everything good was at risk of being lost and in fact, was? We as survivors and friends and family of the addict, need to surrender ourselves - just as the addict does and accept that we simply cannot make sense of it all. And that is ok.
As you said, he is no longer in pain anymore and perhaps, in a new life embodied as something else free of that pain he could not surrender to in this world. Perhaps there is another world where he is no longer suffering and instead flying freely, demons gone.
Much love and big arms of support to you and to those in your shoes past and present. It's okay to grieve...you've fought hard.
In these times, we look to God and are forced to make peace that some things are painfully unexplainable. Why does someone do this - why couldn't they just fight harder? Why did they need this poison so much when everything good was at risk of being lost and in fact, was? We as survivors and friends and family of the addict, need to surrender ourselves - just as the addict does and accept that we simply cannot make sense of it all. And that is ok.
As you said, he is no longer in pain anymore and perhaps, in a new life embodied as something else free of that pain he could not surrender to in this world. Perhaps there is another world where he is no longer suffering and instead flying freely, demons gone.
Much love and big arms of support to you and to those in your shoes past and present. It's okay to grieve...you've fought hard.
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