Tooz

Hi

I am a long time reader here, probably since 2008.

First time poster.

Recently I had 1 year and 2 days of sobriety. It became easy and normal and enjoyable! Life became full of opportunity and smiles.

Then I had a drink. And in the last 3 months all that has collapsed.

I'm at day zero. Worse than when I first stopped drinking.

I'm so sorry to waste your time. I've arranged to go to a meeting tomorrow with someone. I hope I can physically make it. Im physically screwed with the booze.

Sorry to bother you all.

Don't relapse!!!!

Adam x

tnek97

You're not wasting our time, and you're not a bother.

tomls

sorry to hear you relapsed. I am glad you came right back here. we need you!

Tooz

I am broken. Worse than when I stopped drinking the first time. If anyone has any experience of coming back from a relapse then I would love to hear it to give me hope I can do it again. I'm lacking hope right now

Anna

Adam, we're here to help you, if we can.

It's scary that we only have to take that first drink and then we're gone. And, I do believe that each relapse makes it harder to get back to sobriety. I hope you decide to post regularly. It helps.

FreedomCA

Welcome back! I have come back from relapses of 3 years and 10.5 months. It is difficult to come back but can be done. The good thing is that you are already aware of the tools to stay sober. Good luck!

August252015

Glad to see you.

What kind of meeting tomorrow- AA? What are you doing today?

Hope to see you around.

thomas11

Hey Tooz, certainly not wasting my time. Really sorry to hear the news. No shame in starting over, at least its a start.

SoberLifeForMe

Hi, Tooz. Congrats on the year! That's awesome. You did it before, so you can do it again, and even longer. I have nowhere near a year. I started my journey in January, and the longest I've been able to go is 18 days, so I have no words of wisdom.

I will say that you've joined a wonderful community of caring people that understand what you're going through. We believe in you and know you can get back on track. Wishing you the best!

tomls

I am somewhat new here but from what I have read and experienced first hand you did what most of us has done over and over. maybe you needed this to realize again that you can't drink. welcome back.

Tooz

Thankyou

feeling-good

Tooz - don't take one drink for one day for oneself One day at a time or even one minute at a time. Progress, not perfection...

...and lots of great things I have learnt from being a member of AA and from being here at SR.

I wish you the best in your journey

PhoenixJ

Tooz- hi, yes it sucks. I think you have the skills and experience to put this behind you. That meeting is a must. Remember the physical effects. You feeling crap is a mixture of guilt and your body reacting physically to the alcohol. Sometimes they seem to be the same. They are not. After 3 months I think seeing a doctor/detox with perhaps multivitamins etc. Keep hydrated. Stay safe. Don't drink anymore- every relapse will make the last one seem like a picnic.
Stop now. Keep posting PJ.

Tooz

Thankyou.

I will try and keep posting. My mind is a confused mess. The meeting is miles away. But my only contact from AA is going so said he will meet me there. I will get a taxi, gods sake I've wasted £1000s in the last few months I suppose a £20 taxi won't hurt more (I'm not a wealthy person btw).

I also hate looking like a wreck. As 3 months of drinking will do to you.

I had all my pride in myself back when I was sober for a year.

This evil devil we have is so cruel.

SnazzyDresser

An evil devil indeed. Rooting for you, Tooz.

Hevyn

Adam - we're always here to listen and understand. You could never be a bother - we've all been through it.

I agree a relapse is devastating. I was 3 yrs. sober once & decided I could have 'a glass' of wine. Of course the glass turned into the whole bottle - and I was off. It took me years to get back on track. I'm so glad you wanted to talk about what happened. You're never alone.

phlowing

When I relapsed, I dropped everything in my life and went to detox/rehab for a month. For me that was needed, to put my problem and dealing with it the only thing in my life. That and remembering the sober time was much better than the drinking time; sounds like you thing that way too, already. Go with that feeling, and know your body/mind is healing every moment without a drink.

Tooz

Yes I'm trying to remember the sober time. I'm soooo boring, for me a happy time is sitting and reading books. People tell me off for it - do something more than read books Adam! I was put in a corner at school when I was 6 years old because all I wanted to do was read.

I do like other things too!

But what's wrong with that?

That's now what I miss from my sober time because I loved reading again. Well I can read obviously but when drinking I can't remember what I read.

This has really helped posting here. And Thankyou for your messages.

I promise I will post to let you know how I get on

You're all very kind

Adam x

SoberLifeForMe

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a reader, Adam. I, too, enjoy reading, but when drinking, I just don't do it, either because I'm passed out, or realize that I'll never remember what I read, anyway.

If reading is what you love doing, then I say read away! Who cares what others think!

August252015

I am a huge reader. When I quit drinking, my first five or so weeks were pretty much at home, visiting drs, sleeping, reading and getting better. I gobbled up recovery books- memoirs and anthology type books mostly- for weeks. I alternated with fiction next, then moved onto spiritual, growth and secular recovery books....and remembering the , being able to discuss them, all of that is so wonderful.

Now, some nights I prefer to spend alone reading, or writing on my blog cross referencing my thoughts with all kinds of sources. And I have a wonderful boyfriend! ��

Taking care of our minds and bodies - equally important!