Hechosedrugs

I don't know what's really going on at STBXAH's abode, but it sure doesn't sound good. The kids tell me there are lots of people sleeping over on every visit, along with one teenager (?) My boys sleep on the carpet, no sleeping bags, no sheet underneath them, because all three couches are taken. They don't mind- they think of it as some sort of fun slumber party, since the other people's kids are there, too. They spend most of their time playing video games and watching TV while the "grownups" (and teenager) smoke "cigarettes" in the next room.

This Thanksgiving X had the kids. I got a lot of studying done, and then I had a conscious thought, "You need to pray for them." Usually, I pray pretty consistently while they're gone, but I guess I felt comfortable enough knowing they were celebrating Thanksgiving with his entire family that they would be safe. But when I had that thought, I prayed...

The kids returned the next day. They hadn't brushed their teeth in the morning or the night before (what else is new?). But even more disturbing was this:

"Mom, Ashley almost died last night!"

What?

Apparently Ashley, one of his more frequent overnight guests, had had an "allergic reaction" and had to be given CPR while at X's. He and the kids were at his Family's Thanksgiving dinner. She was rushed to the hospital where her doctor told her she needed to "quit smoking". Then she returned and spent the night again.

Sh!t. I don't think I can wait any longer to get this agreement signed. I'm kind of thinking I might have to call CPS to have them check out the situation? I mean, I could have X drug tested, but I really do think he'll fake it and that will give him a heads-up that I'm onto him. But then, what if CPS comes and takes Ashley's baby, but does nothing about my ex and our boys. And what if she finds out it was me that filed the report (I realize it's supposed to be anonymous, but it isn't always) and she comes after me for revenge?

Of course, it is possible that it really was an allergic reaction- but I so don't think so. She's also the one that was in the bathroom so long on a recent visit that my son peed his pants.

I hate everything about this. I'm going to talk to my counselor, who's also a social worker, but I'm almost positive she's going to tell me I need to report it. And if I do, there goes my house, there goes everything my ex was going to give me- and who knows if they'll find him guilty of anything? But then again, if I can get the kids out of his care, it's worth losing everything else. I'm just so afraid that he won't be caught.

Thank you for reading this rant.

Maudcat

Erghh. Sounds awful over there. Assume the kids are okay when they are there? Like, is there one adult who doesn't get impaired in case there is an emergency? That's what is scary to me, though I'm sure you wouldn't stand for an unsafe situation, hechose. I guess the first thing, before doing anything, is to establish what happened . Right now you have the kids' telling about an "allergic reaction." Maybe, as you say, that's what it was. Maybe it was something else. (Kinda sounds like a bad asthma attack , but I am no physician). Will your soon to be ex be straight if you ask him calmly, and in the context of concern for children's safety? Then, you can decide based on what happened. If someone overdosed in your ex's house, that is definitely not a safe situation for kids to be around. Could you keep your kids away and let things unfold as they are going to? Sorry if this sounds cold. It's a tough situation.

PhoenixJ

H- I think you are right, kids first. Dangerous- to their safety or even life. What if one of those kids are given a 'cigarette?. Prayers and Support to you and your children PJ

AnvilheadII

sorry but that sounds like a dope house to me. the fact alone that the children are made to sleep on bare carpet with no bedding is unacceptable. i think you are wise to talk with your counselor first. and what ever else you need to do to keep the boys safe and NOT over there.

Sephra

I don't know if you would get the real truth asking him. It does sound bad and I am sure you are freaking out. Take a deep breath. Talk to the counselor social worker. Losing everything sucks especially when you are putting up with things and playing nice. It happened to me. Lost it all. If it happens that way...you Will find your footing again and be in a much better place. Use those babies as motivation and hang tight.

dandylion

Hechosedrugs....keep in mind that the counselor/social worker is certain to be a mandated reporter. That means that she will be obligated to report it even if you decide not to (if she feels it should be done).
I am thinking like Maud cat that it sounds like a probable bad asthma attack, to me, also.
Think this through carefully.....

PuzzledHeart

Have you thought of looking at police blotters/arrest logs for any patterns? If you're lucky, they'll post them online. They're publicly available records. If your husband's house shows up repeatedly on the blotter then you might have something to latch onto. Some activity isn't recorded on the blotter (ex. ongoing investigation) so keep that in mind.

Maudcat

When my AB goes to the ER, as occasionally happens, I have gone to the local police station to get the story. He is not usually forthcoming about events, but he will drink too much, try to toddle home and fall, which has in past necessitated an emt call. I know it sounds intrusive, but my mother is often confused and worried when this happens, and if I know what is going on, I can reassure her. (It's a small town. Everyone knows of my bro's susceptibilities) . Maybe you could find out that way. Puzzled's suggestion is awesome. They post calls on line, though there is often a considerable time lag between post and real time. Good luck.

AnvilheadII

but you wouldn't do CPR for an allergic reaction or an asthma attack.

you are getting a lot of this second/third hand thru a child. however it is obvious that something major DID occur, that was serious and required a trip to the ER. everything else described does not sound good or healthy or like the children are of primary concern, just stuck in a back room.

i wouldn't future trip about what you may LOSE down the road, the children's safety and the suspicious circumstances are the primary concern right now.

Hechosedrugs

He's a pathological liar, so talking to him wouldn't reveal anything. I agree that even if there is no drug use going on, the kids are not being properly cared for. Eating nothing but corn dogs, donuts, and McDonald's, not brushing their teeth, and getting hours of screen time three days a week is bound to have ill effects. Thank you, PuzzledHeart for the idea about checking police logs. I checked online and found some, but no names or addresses are listed- they just give vague vicinities, such as "in the 3800 block" of whatever town. I have an acquaintance at church who is a Sheriff- I will ask him if he can help me.

Maudcat

There you go.

Nata1980

Yikes. Any way for any agency (police, CPS) to pay a visit to the house? If there is not a problem - they will go on their merry way...for all it is worth - it could very well be neighbors who called CPS - happens all the time. He does not need to know you requested a "visit". You have every reason to worry IMO.

All those overnight "guests", smoking etc. does not sound like acceptable environment.....it does sound like there is booze/drugs/inappropriate behavior is happening over there