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Don't know what to do

Old 11-26-2016, 08:41 AM
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Don't know what to do

Hey I have been on this site before some time back about my drinking. I do not crave a drink and sometimes I can not have drink for months but a number of times over the years when out with people drinking I drink until I can't remember and then wake up with anxiety of what I have done. I was at a work function last night and felt I was in control and having a good night the next thing I know I am waking up on the hotel room and don't remember getting there and don't remember anything about the end of the night. I am so embarrassed and was ashamed of myself this morning. I am not sure what I done and how I behaved. Do I need to apologise to my manager and my colleagues or do I just leave it and say nothing. No one mentioned anything to me this morning.
And how do I deal with this going forward do I need to cut drink out of my life altogether? or do I not drink at social occasions. I don't know what to do. I feel so so down that I have done this to myself again. I have a great job and family and life is good so o don't know why I bring this on myself.
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Old 11-26-2016, 09:02 AM
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Based on what you have said, no I would not apologize to your workmates. I bet you did not do anything too bad. Everyone else was drinking, so I bet no one remembers anything too clearly.

Your behaviour was typical of me for years. What I wish then was that I was as smart as you now. I wish I had found a site like this, and that someone would talk to me like I am talking to you now.

Stop drinking now. Just do not drink anything alcoholic ever again. I know that sounds extreme. Maybe it sounds boring, or scary.

If I could talk to my younger self, and say one thing, just one, it would be stop now.

It only gets worse from here. Never better.
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Old 11-26-2016, 09:27 AM
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Thank you so much for replying. I know you are right I need to stop with alcohol. I don't even like the taste of it and just do it to be sociable and be more confident in myself. For years I have said I just need to take a couple but there are occasions like last night where I don't have control of it. This may happen once a year or twice a year but it keeps happening. I don't feel like I need to go to AA what do you think ?


Originally Posted by HTown View Post
Based on what you have said, no I would not apologize to your workmates. I bet you did not do anything too bad. Everyone else was drinking, so I bet no one remembers anything too clearly.

Your behaviour was typical of me for years. What I wish then was that I was as smart as you now. I wish I had found a site like this, and that someone would talk to me like I am talking to you now.

Stop drinking now. Just do not drink anything alcoholic ever again. I know that sounds extreme. Maybe it sounds boring, or scary.

If I could talk to my younger self, and say one thing, just one, it would be stop now.

It only gets worse from here. Never better.
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Old 11-26-2016, 09:36 AM
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Many of us, and I mean many of us have been
there done that same similar things one two
many times during our drinking careers. During
our addiction of alcohol or drugs.

Coming here, finding SR, means you are
reaching out for help, guidance, information,
knowledge of addiction and how and why
alcohol or drugs affect us individually and
those around us.

Each one of us have listened, learned,
absorbed and applied some sort of
recovery program that has been affective
in helping us remain sober one day at
a time alcohol or drug free for many
days down the road. So can you.

We learn to share our own ESH- experiences,
strengths and hopes with each other of what
our lives were and are like before, during
and after own addiction in order to guide
them with helpful suggestions in achieving
health, happiness and many more awesome
gifts in recovery and life.

I had to learn that no one ever has to
go thru anything in life alone or
learning to live life without alcohol
or drugs again and that communication,
understanding support and fellowship
is the glue that bonds us together.
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Old 11-26-2016, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by christyham View Post
...do I need to cut drink out of my life altogether?
Your first post to SR was about binge drinking and blacking out. And so was this post. So nothing has changed. Drinking is creating problems for you.

So yes, I think you need to cut drink out of your life. For good.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:02 AM
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I know you are right that I need to cut out drinking all together. How do I do this? Do I need to go to AA ?
What do I say to people and my wife? I don't want to tell my wife about my black out last night although she knows I am not myself today and asked how my work function went. I can't tell her what happened as she will be so disappointed in me
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:10 AM
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Hi christyham, sometimes people are puzzled because they can go without alcohol for periods of time and not be bothered. Having a problem with alcohol isn't always about the frequency, it's what it does to you when you do drink. The same is true for me. Not every time either, but all bets are off after I take that first sip, it's anyone's guess what the outcome will be.

It's unsettling to think that there's a period of time where you were with people and you have no idea what you did. If no one mentioned anything to you then leave it alone. Or, if you really want to put yourself through some agony ask someone that you can trust who was there to tell you what you did. Maybe the answer will be what you need in order to understand that you can't drink. It's what I did but not in a work setting, it was just around people that I know. It's not pretty to hear. It does help to solidify why you need to quit.

Or, you can just let it go and realize that you never have to feel this way again if you just don't drink.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:12 AM
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Being honest with your wife about
looking into some help concerning
your alcohol intake and it's affects
on you physically, emotionally,
financially...mainly that its not
healthy for you anymore and
possibly talking to your physician
about it.

Just talk to her, communicate with
her that having alcohol in your system
is causing more harm than good and
you need help addressing it.

She can even go with you to the
doctor and the 2 of you can discuss
ways to get sober and apply a
program of recovery to help
you before things really get
bad in your life, marriage, work.

Getting the help you need now
may save you from further embarrassment,
shame, guilt, and other personal problems.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by christyham View Post
I know you are right that I need to cut out drinking all together. How do I do this? Do I need to go to AA ?
What do I say to people and my wife? I don't want to tell my wife about my black out last night although she knows I am not myself today and asked how my work function went. I can't tell her what happened as she will be so disappointed in me
There is a lot of information on this board about AA and other Rational Recovery Groups. Do you know how to get to those sections? Read and find what you think will work for you. Have you checked to see what's in your area locally? If you do a search on AA you should be able to find meetings.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:30 AM
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I havnt checked to see what's in my local area. I will check out to see when and where there is a meeting.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:34 AM
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I think the best thing to start is just don't pick up a drink.

It doesn't sound like you have been drinking a lot on a regular basis (?)

As far as what to tell people and/or your wife...how about just, "No thanks," if they offer a drink. I mean, you don't have to share with anyone right now about why you aren't drinking. People don't really ask me why. Spend time on this site and read as much as you can. It will start to make sense to you.

At some point when you are feeling more stable you can talk about it with your wife, when you've decided what you want to say. For today, just don't drink. There's time to figure out who and how much you want to tell. I don't talk about it with people outside of this site. I don't use the word, "alcoholic," with people who are not in recovery.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by christyham View Post
I know you are right that I need to cut out drinking all together. How do I do this? Do I need to go to AA ?
What do I say to people and my wife? I don't want to tell my wife about my black out last night although she knows I am not myself today and asked how my work function went. I can't tell her what happened as she will be so disappointed in me
I would not walk up to a coworker and ask what happened the prior night unless that person is also a close friend. If you are anxious right now, I'd give it some time and let the alcohol wear off, the anxiety may, too, then decide what you want to do.

As far as your wife goes. Would she be supportive?

Keep posting and reading this site. You'll get good info and support for dealing with this. And, realize there are lots of people in this world who can't drink.
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Old 11-26-2016, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by christyham View Post

do I need to cut drink out of my life altogether?
Sounds like you may be alcoholic?
If so?
Best to cut booze out of your life altogether.
M-Bob
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Old 11-26-2016, 11:10 AM
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No I don't drink regularly I think I hadn't a drink for about 2 months until last night. Thank you so much for the advice this sounds like a good starting point for me.

My wife is supportive and I have no doubt when I tell her she will support me 100% but just don't feel like I want to tell her until I get things figured out in my own head.


Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I think the best thing to start is just don't pick up a drink.

It doesn't sound like you have been drinking a lot on a regular basis (?)

As far as what to tell people and/or your wife...how about just, "No thanks," if they offer a drink. I mean, you don't have to share with anyone right now about why you aren't drinking. People don't really ask me why. Spend time on this site and read as much as you can. It will start to make sense to you.

At some point when you are feeling more stable you can talk about it with your wife, when you've decided what you want to say. For today, just don't drink. There's time to figure out who and how much you want to tell. I don't talk about it with people outside of this site. I don't use the word, "alcoholic," with people who are not in recovery.
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Old 11-26-2016, 11:18 AM
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Yeah, I think at this point you acknowledge that you can't predict with 100% accuracy that you can drink safely - and that is as good a reason as any to quit completely.

It's not a good sign to blackout. Not a good sign at all. You don't want to do that again and the only way to assure that you don't is to not drink again.

I was the same way, sometimes I could have one or two. Sometimes not. I was making really bad decisions and getting into dicey predicaments when I had too many so it was time to quit.
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Old 11-26-2016, 11:26 AM
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If broccoli caused you the same problems, would you be in any doubt at all about not ever having it again? I doubt it. Why is that so different from alcohol? You say you can go months without drinking with no problem, so why do you think you are even considering carrying on?

If you only drink every few month, why would anyone even question it when you don't drink? And if they did, why do you care? By the way, I'm not asking these questions because I expect you to tell us the answers. More that I suspect that they might be questions worth you asking yourself.

I know that for me, there are certain social situations that I can't enjoy sober. I've just accepted that these are social situations that I don't enjoy. So now I don't go. That's okay. I do plenty of other stuff instead. If people think I'm boring because I don't want to hear their drunk waffling or watch their drunk dancing, then I can live with that. I don't owe anyone 'interesting' or 'Party girl ' anyway.
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Old 11-26-2016, 11:26 AM
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That's most frightening aspect of my alcoholism blackouts.
Mine started at an early age of my drinking especially where hard liquor was concerned. I tried to convince myself drinking beer I could maintain.

The worst part of having a black out was I had no defense for myself .
I'm grateful I never killed anyone while driving.
It doesn't matter, drinking daily, binge drinking or the out of control drinking once a year at New Year's Eve. It's all the same for me, one drink was too many and a hundred wasn't enough
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Old 11-26-2016, 11:46 AM
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Hi guys thank you all so much I can't tell you how much this is helping me understand where I am at. I have read back through post I have made since 2013 and it is clear to me I cannot put myself through this anymore. The last few years I I thought I could control it. It is clearly not controllable and is time for me to stop drinking.
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Old 11-26-2016, 11:52 AM
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Old 11-26-2016, 12:05 PM
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I guess it's kind of late at night there, but if you call your local AA number, someone might get back to you and arrange for you to be accompanied to your first meeting.
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