One Year Sober
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
One Year Sober
Today I have one year of sobriety. When I joined SR in June 2014, I was trapped; I didn't want to quit drinking (I certainly wasn't willing to go to any lengths), but the problems it was causing me were starting to rack up. And I really hated my life. I came here knowing I was an alcoholic (my dad and other family members are as well), but I learned things like "AV" and "surfing the urge" that helped me try to quit. I did get three and a half months sober, but I relapsed when I got depressed. At that point the drinking got really scary - the volume increased and it wasn't fun anymore. The alcohol had stopped working. I'd feel more drunk after the first "glass" (but let's call it was it was, wine being drunk out of a mug in my bedroom by myself) of wine then when I finished the bottle an hour later. I could get a few days or a week sober but I'd drink again.
My last night drunk was by myself in my room, as it always was, but I blacked out, which I never did. I threw up all over my floor in the middle of the night and was in bed sick the entire next day (and missed work). I realized that I could have killed myself by aspirating my vomit. Or that I could have driven to the store in a blackout. I couldn't go on like that. I stayed close to SR and in January started going to AA, which I am now actively involved in. My obsession to drink was removed and I rarely think about it anymore, which I am so grateful for.
People talk about "rock bottom" and how it is defined for them. In sobriety, I more clearly saw my rock bottom as being almost entirely dead on the inside. To an outsider, I had my life together: I'm an attractive, healthy woman, with a good job and multiple degrees. But on the inside I absolutely loathed myself. I hated myself for drinking. I had so much guilt from drinking; as I got sober this lifted away and I felt so much lighter and happier. In fact, I think I felt genuine happiness and love for the first time in sobriety. Drunk me was just a shell of the person I thought I should be. Sober me is a genuine person who feels feelings and lives a life free of the rock of guilt and shame and self-hatred that alcohol created.
To anyone struggling, keep coming back. It took me many years to finally reach the point where I couldn't drink anymore. Keep trying different things - there are so many folks with great ideas in this forum. For me, AA is what I needed because I had isolated in my drinking and I didn't have any friends - and I really wanted to have friends again. I enjoy the people that I see at meetings each week and that helps keep me sober.
Thank you to everyone here who posts and shares what they are going through, good and bad, and who offers support. I will be forever grateful for this forum.
My last night drunk was by myself in my room, as it always was, but I blacked out, which I never did. I threw up all over my floor in the middle of the night and was in bed sick the entire next day (and missed work). I realized that I could have killed myself by aspirating my vomit. Or that I could have driven to the store in a blackout. I couldn't go on like that. I stayed close to SR and in January started going to AA, which I am now actively involved in. My obsession to drink was removed and I rarely think about it anymore, which I am so grateful for.
People talk about "rock bottom" and how it is defined for them. In sobriety, I more clearly saw my rock bottom as being almost entirely dead on the inside. To an outsider, I had my life together: I'm an attractive, healthy woman, with a good job and multiple degrees. But on the inside I absolutely loathed myself. I hated myself for drinking. I had so much guilt from drinking; as I got sober this lifted away and I felt so much lighter and happier. In fact, I think I felt genuine happiness and love for the first time in sobriety. Drunk me was just a shell of the person I thought I should be. Sober me is a genuine person who feels feelings and lives a life free of the rock of guilt and shame and self-hatred that alcohol created.
To anyone struggling, keep coming back. It took me many years to finally reach the point where I couldn't drink anymore. Keep trying different things - there are so many folks with great ideas in this forum. For me, AA is what I needed because I had isolated in my drinking and I didn't have any friends - and I really wanted to have friends again. I enjoy the people that I see at meetings each week and that helps keep me sober.
Thank you to everyone here who posts and shares what they are going through, good and bad, and who offers support. I will be forever grateful for this forum.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
So awesome--congrats, Kim!
I can relate to a lot of your post--especially this part: "To anyone struggling, keep coming back. It took me many years to finally reach the point where I couldn't drink anymore."
It took me years to get to that point too and now it's four years later. Lately, due to a rough time, I'm taking it day by day again but I'm not going back to that dark hole. Good for you for making such a major life change and finding a happier and healthier path forward!
I can relate to a lot of your post--especially this part: "To anyone struggling, keep coming back. It took me many years to finally reach the point where I couldn't drink anymore."
It took me years to get to that point too and now it's four years later. Lately, due to a rough time, I'm taking it day by day again but I'm not going back to that dark hole. Good for you for making such a major life change and finding a happier and healthier path forward!
Keep going, it gets better. 
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