Sobriety is a Verb
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Sobriety is a Verb
Ever realize in the middle of being a complete jerk, that you're being a complete jerk? That was me yesterday. Except even though I realized wait a minute, I'm actually probably the wrong one here, and I think I'm being a giant expletive word. I couldn't really stop although I did hamper it and then spent the rest of the day on edge because I didn't even know what was wrong with me. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't lonely, and I wasn't tired. I was very angry, though.
So I ended up at the grocery store, just delaying the time to come home because I was in a foul mood, and then out of nowhere, the wine display next to the fish display. Suddenly I could taste a really nice sauvignon blanc. The sunshine, the laughter, the lovely conversation and the wine.
Hold on a minute, I don't drink. What is this about?
It turned into a perfect little pity party. The whole way home I went back and forth. This is crazy because I am, truly, really happy to be sober.
I got home and logged on here. It had been awhile since I've engaged. Had some non-sobriety related events that have taken place recently and some were great, some were awful, and some were just intense, but everything kind of came together and resulted in me not being on these forums for a while.
You know what? I figured out what happened. Why I was a royal expletive, why I suddenly thought poison would be delicious, why I had a pity party, and fantasized about flushing my life down the toilet again. I forgot that I am sober.
I learned yesterday that while it's good to be in real life, engaged and living, it's a bad idea to forget how much sobriety matters, and that it is a verb, not an adjective.
In other words (for the anti-grammar kids, of which I used to be one) sobriety is an action we take, not a passive characteristic.
Well, I'm only speaking for me, of course. But after coming here, posting a bit, reading through, etc... I felt completely different. I woke up this morning calm. Made coffee, came here, and now that the sun is coming up I'm gonna go for a nice walk.
Thanks all. I'm so grateful for you all. 103 days today for me.
xoxo
B
So I ended up at the grocery store, just delaying the time to come home because I was in a foul mood, and then out of nowhere, the wine display next to the fish display. Suddenly I could taste a really nice sauvignon blanc. The sunshine, the laughter, the lovely conversation and the wine.
Hold on a minute, I don't drink. What is this about?
It turned into a perfect little pity party. The whole way home I went back and forth. This is crazy because I am, truly, really happy to be sober.
I got home and logged on here. It had been awhile since I've engaged. Had some non-sobriety related events that have taken place recently and some were great, some were awful, and some were just intense, but everything kind of came together and resulted in me not being on these forums for a while.
You know what? I figured out what happened. Why I was a royal expletive, why I suddenly thought poison would be delicious, why I had a pity party, and fantasized about flushing my life down the toilet again. I forgot that I am sober.
I learned yesterday that while it's good to be in real life, engaged and living, it's a bad idea to forget how much sobriety matters, and that it is a verb, not an adjective.
In other words (for the anti-grammar kids, of which I used to be one) sobriety is an action we take, not a passive characteristic.
Well, I'm only speaking for me, of course. But after coming here, posting a bit, reading through, etc... I felt completely different. I woke up this morning calm. Made coffee, came here, and now that the sun is coming up I'm gonna go for a nice walk.
Thanks all. I'm so grateful for you all. 103 days today for me.
xoxo
B
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
GREAT post. I can relate and love the idea of "sobriety is an action." Hadn't thought about it in quite that phrase, though it is exactly how I try to operate.
If sobriety is the governing priority in my life and all my actions stem from that- if "sticking to my program" is the focus- then I am doing OK.
One part you mention- about a crappy mood striking out of the blue- has happened to me a handful of times lately. My boyfriend and I talk about a lot of things in the context of "flipping it" and this type of thing is a perfect example of an area I must do this. I am much better at catching myself up when sudden irrationality, anger, frustration, whatever crop up - in AA language, some kind of disturbance about a person/place/thing/situation- and acknowledging that it is about me. My reaction to x or y- and the "if I am not the problem, there is no solution" context....acknowledge/adjust/amends if necessary/move on.
Great post! And good job on 103 days. Here at just past nine months, I have found that my ability to behave as you describe keeps improving on the whole - keep going!
If sobriety is the governing priority in my life and all my actions stem from that- if "sticking to my program" is the focus- then I am doing OK.
One part you mention- about a crappy mood striking out of the blue- has happened to me a handful of times lately. My boyfriend and I talk about a lot of things in the context of "flipping it" and this type of thing is a perfect example of an area I must do this. I am much better at catching myself up when sudden irrationality, anger, frustration, whatever crop up - in AA language, some kind of disturbance about a person/place/thing/situation- and acknowledging that it is about me. My reaction to x or y- and the "if I am not the problem, there is no solution" context....acknowledge/adjust/amends if necessary/move on.
Great post! And good job on 103 days. Here at just past nine months, I have found that my ability to behave as you describe keeps improving on the whole - keep going!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 15
Thanks Bexxed, I am 6 days sober and counting. I've experienced the anger and pity party as well. I identify with sober being a verb. This is my n'th time trying to sober up, but this time its for keeps.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Hi Bexxed! Your post reminds me of where my thinking was towards the end before I sobered up. I was depressed a lot, but angry a lot as well. Why? I would get angry that I couldn't drink like everyone else and that didn't seem fair to me. Everyone else can come home and drink all they want. Not me! I'm dog sick every day and can't get myself to eat. I'd get angry about that for weeks at a time. It would pop back every so often when I would crave it again after I quit, but these days the anger seems to be gone for good (about drinking anyway). So what I'm getting at is I think the anger will fade as being sober becomes more of a passive verb than an active verb. Hope that helps!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I get it. Really can understand.
That's why I run so much more these days. I know it's not the perfect answer but it's the best answer I have for me right now. My body chemistry is probably still whacked in some way if it needs endorphins from exercise to feel "normal" but if I don't do it, then along come: anxious, depressive, fearful, angry emotions.
Some people rely on yoga, some on meditation. I suppose all of those things are part of making a sober life a happy one too.
That's why I run so much more these days. I know it's not the perfect answer but it's the best answer I have for me right now. My body chemistry is probably still whacked in some way if it needs endorphins from exercise to feel "normal" but if I don't do it, then along come: anxious, depressive, fearful, angry emotions.
Some people rely on yoga, some on meditation. I suppose all of those things are part of making a sober life a happy one too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks everyone. I'm so grateful to be figuring and re-figuring this stuff out with all of you.
Yeah, MissPerfumado, I feel really good when I get a hard core workout. I don't do it enough. I'm also learning to balance my life and get some of the things done that I neglected when drinking, like cleaning. It was so long, I mean, years, so I'm giving myself space to figure things out proportionally. But I am sure that endorphins will help.
Thanks all for the responses.
Yeah, MissPerfumado, I feel really good when I get a hard core workout. I don't do it enough. I'm also learning to balance my life and get some of the things done that I neglected when drinking, like cleaning. It was so long, I mean, years, so I'm giving myself space to figure things out proportionally. But I am sure that endorphins will help.
Thanks all for the responses.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
that's a lot of really spot-on perspective.
I have found that sobriety is a verb that aligns to all the various actions I can take to live my life more deeply, more abundant, more healthfully, more gratefully, more fully, more inspired, more responsibly, more intelligently..... it can take many forms and can manifest in many different ways but it all comes down to; Am I taking daily ACTIONS to honor my choice of sobriety and to enrich my life and the lives of those around me.
When I continue to do those things, sobriety follows naturally and goodness grows.
I have found that sobriety is a verb that aligns to all the various actions I can take to live my life more deeply, more abundant, more healthfully, more gratefully, more fully, more inspired, more responsibly, more intelligently..... it can take many forms and can manifest in many different ways but it all comes down to; Am I taking daily ACTIONS to honor my choice of sobriety and to enrich my life and the lives of those around me.
When I continue to do those things, sobriety follows naturally and goodness grows.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Very thought-provoking thread, bexxed.
Thank you,
If sobriety is a verb, it would be an action verb for me.
But it is also a state of being, dependent on my action.
As a verb it would be imperative.
And, at the same time, indicative.
Definitely a 'must' word in my book.
Thank you,
If sobriety is a verb, it would be an action verb for me.
But it is also a state of being, dependent on my action.
As a verb it would be imperative.
And, at the same time, indicative.
Definitely a 'must' word in my book.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
