Marissa41

I wanted to go to a meeting tonight. But thought I shouldn't drive. Don't have a friend to go with so what's the point? Having all those poor pathetic me feelings. I could go on & on but trust me, you don't want to hear it. I'm sure most of you have heard it all before. That AV is working OT in my head. I'm in a bad mood and don't want to talk to anyone. Why do we feel like this? I'm just mad!!!

PurpleKnight

Hey Marissa,

Sounds like your addiction has convinced you that this must be a group event, when in fact this is your life, your life decision, your Sobriety, do this for yourself.

Addiction is a real thing, it made me do crazy things, but we can loosen the chains and turn things around, don't let it feed you anymore lies.

There are many to talk to here on SR, you can do this!!

Marissa41

I really wanted to go to that meeting tonight. I've been trying to go for months now, I think. Excuses are like ***..... lol We all know the saying! But everytime I try to go I have an emotional or mental breakdown. Satan at his finest..

PurpleKnight

I know for me, I needed to push myself to do things I deep down didn't really want to do, there were loads of things, in fact I really just wanted to come home from work and drink myself to sleep, but something needed to change, so I tried to push myself each day to do something that would keep me Sober.

It's tough now but life has a weird way of making everything alright through time, the goal is to remain Sober, and it's gonna feel tough in the beginning, anything new always is, but in the longterm it will be worth it.

Sobriety for me became an emotional learning curve about myself, there was soo much more I discovered that I needed to work on other than not drinking, and so emotional realisations are not to be feared, they are part of the process of finding out who we really are, and what life we truly want to build.

You can do this!!

Fly N Buy

Consider calling AA hotline and see if they might help arrange a member to pick you up and take you to a meeting perhaps. Good job on not driving after drinking.

As PK stated - post on SR can elicit some good support.

Dee74

The point is you deserve better.

I'm with FlyNBuy. Call the local office tomorrow and organise a lift to a meeting - try hard to make tomorrow day one..

D

Marissa41

I've called our local office before.. Honestly, they weren't that friendly. It was a little sad and I was disappointed and not just for me! The meetings I have attended were not not that bad. I want to go back. I know it's just my attitude. We get what we put into it, right? Even when we drink..lol.. We get what we put into it.. So, if we put more into being sober and wanting better for ourselves it should have rewards.

SWTPEA61

You nailed on the head Satan. ... when we drink he has us by the b**** once you realize this it will make you angry enough to stop drinking. Stay out of the package stores and bars!!!! Give yourself a chance you deserveto feel good again.
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Dee74

I'm sorry you found them not that helpful. You could still aim for day one tomorrow tho - you might be able to get a bus, or a cab, Uber, or even drive yourself then, or the day after?

D

Ambuler

You said that you were going before and you enjoyed it...by any chance did you get a phone number or two of fellow attendees? The reason I ask is I did the same thing as you. I was going to meetings for a while and stopped going for almost two years. Satan gave me every excuse not to go. Then last Thursday, I was led to text someone that I knew went, and I just simply asked her to be the one that expected me there. She texted back that she would. I showed up at the next night's meeting. I'm still struggling, but I went. And I'm so glad I did. I sat in my car for like five minutes full of fear, but I went in. I'll be there again this Friday.

Sometimes we just have to think outside of what is comfortable. You will be welcomed with open arms when you go back, I'm sure.

Marissa41

I don't go to bars or liquor stores anymore.. It's beer or wine now. That's bad enough.

Delilah1

Hi Marissa,

There are lots of online podcasts and meetings, maybe you can try one out tonight.

Make tomorrow your day one, and get a head start by dumping out whatever alcohol you have left in the house right now. Switch to water, I will make tomorrow morning much easier as you start your day one.

Marissa41

Ambuler,
I did get numbers. And I'm so glad you mentioned this because I never throw anything away. I may have the phone number that saves my life and don't even know it. There were several ladies there who really made an impact. Thank you for reminding me.

Anna

Marissa, you can always come here to SR for support, anytime.

Marissa41

Delilah1,
I just talked to my mother in law. Water is the last thing I want right now unless I can pour it on her! After 25 years you'd think it would get better! lol I just keep peace.

Ambuler

As I said to the woman I texted (who I hadn't talked to or seen for almost two years) reaching out is super scary lol I never did it until then. Just do it. You have nothing to lose. (((Hugs)))

Marissa41

Now if I could just find those numbers! I think I put them in a drawer. But which one? I hid a beer from my husband a few months ago and still haven't found it! lol

I remember hiding it, just not where. Like my AA telephone numbers. Does anyone have a crystal ball?

Ambuler

Lol no crystal ball here. I do the same thing. I drink and then try to find things. I know the house is eating my stuff!!!! LOL

The thought to find those numbers will be there in the morning too...

Marissa41

I actually found my AA telephone numbers.. and $200 I hid from myself.. I guess my guardian Angel is working OT..

least

I hope you can muster the courage and go to a meeting. I think it might really help.