Wolfbane

I don't surprise myself very often with my addiction. It has followed the same pattern for years. I binge once a week and I tell myself that's good. That it's destructive yet manageable. I have all of this week off so that dark part of me was downright giddy at the prospect of more drinking. I got good and drunk on a twelve pack last night so I went out and bought a second one thinking I would have a couple from it and have more beer for today, right? Wrong. Instead, cut to the sun coming up and me polishing off that second twelve pack. That's a case of beer in a single night. I never imagined I was even capable of such drinking and sinking to such depths. The shame is unimaginable. I don't know why I am writing this. Wanted to get it off my chest I guess. I relate to my Wolfman avatar sometimes . That is how I feel. Like a man with a curse. Like a man with a beast lurking inside himself. Thank you for letting me vent. Maybe some of you are nodding your head as you read this and can relate. Please don't be too harsh. Writing this was incredibly painful.

SWTPEA61

Wolfbane
Its good to vent and to know that someone is listening anytime you need an ear I'll be here 😊don't beat yourself up just try to stop again you have done it before.

DontRemember

I've woken up to grab a beer from the case I bought on a friday after work and there was only 2 left plenty of times. I would always have some vodka around too, that i would be shocked when I went to make one the next day the bottle was in the trash from the night before.

doggonecarl

I'll try not to be harsh, but I have to ask, what are you doing to stay sober, if that is indeed your goal?

I've woken up many a morning after losing control and saying, "That's it!!!!" but never doing anything to support that decision to quit. Probably because I never had any intention of quitting. I just didn't want to wake up feeling miserable because of my drinking. I wanted to drink, just without the consequences of drinking.

That is, until I figured out that the two were inseparable. Drinking and the consequences of drinking were part and parcel. Something had to give. So I quit and I'm blessed to have stayed quit.

Put the elements in place where you too can benefit from sobriety. This can be the last time you wake up full of shame because of alcohol.

Ariesagain

Look at it this way....this is a great time to quit entirely!

1) You feel horrible.
2) You've drunk a week's worth already.
3) You have the week off to rest, exercise, hang around here, and work through the initial OMG phase of quitting.

Not to nitpick...but your one-binge-day-a week plan has now turned into a two-day binge plan...just maybe this problem is escalating, yes?

Try it?

tomsteve

you may feel like you have a curse, but you don't.
what you have is alcoholism and its progressing.

the great news is there is a solution if you want it.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Wolfbane!!

For me continuing to do the same things and expecting different results never seemed to work, I went round and round that alcohol merry-go-round for years, hungover on a Monday, had good intentions every day of the week, but by the weekend I was still going round and round in circles.

We have to try something different, break the cycle, the long term default habit of drinking, but it's not going to happen through hoping, wishing or all the good intentions we can muster, we need to make it happen with some actions.

Get a plan together, plenty of support, plenty of resources, change up your actions, the activities you get involved in and the people you hang out with, whatever it takes to get over the hurdle of finally having a weekend Sober, and go from there.

You can do this!!

Wolfbane

I was able to put together a month of total sobriety over the summer by getting all of the alcohol out of my apartment and flushing my stash of marijuana down the toilet. I would go to the gym or distract myself with some other activity on the night I was most likely to binge. I felt a lot better. No idea why I went back to my old ways. I am going to try that again.

Anna

Wolfbane, I'm glad you're going to get back to working on being sober. I think you are on the right track with planning to get rid of all alcohol and to work on doing other things when you would have been drinking. I think it's important to remember that lifestyle changes are often needed for us to live happily in recovery. When I stopped drinking, I had a lot of work to do on myself in order to recover.

least

This can be the start of a much better life, if you want it. But you must want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Mountainmanbob

Well, from what I've seen from my drinking days, as long as I'm still breathing there are even lower lows just a waiting for me.

If alcoholic ?
Best we don't drink today.

Good luck,
M-Bob

entropy1964

Manageable and destructive in the same sentence. Do you think you're an alcoholic?

EndGameNYC

This is not just for you, so please take it as information rather than criticism.

Don't confuse being harsh with offering a truth that may save your life. At the very least, it's unfair to people who make the effort to help.

You've set things up so that you're okay with weekly binging, which only amounts to the same thing and invites the same consequences of daily drinking.

Telling yourself that you have a curse like the Wolfman may lead you to also believe that there's nothing you can do about it, and that's not good for anyone. The difference is that you're fully aware of what you need to do to get sober. What are you waiting for?

Mattq2

you have to want sobriety more then anything else in the world. You need to know that a single drink will put you quickly back to where you started and it will always be that way. I drank beer everyday for decades at a pace I'm not proud of. Sort of wonder why I'm not dead yet. I'm sober now and cherish every single minute of it. If I can do it I know you can. Make a plan and let it all start with day one. You can do it

Wolfbane

At the very least I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. For some reason I am not interested during the week but once Friday rolls around, it's off to the races. It is never a drink or two. It is always to excess. I do not think moderation is for me. I think just steering clear of it altogether is better.

Dee74

Welcome back wolfbane

If we want change we need to make change...I dunno what you did to get your month, but I'd do that...and probably a little more to make sure you go on past the month into a new way of life

any ideas on what you could add to your recovery plan?

D

Wolfbane

I have gotten all of the drugs and alcohol out of my apartment. I am going to try to immerse myself in things to take me away from the booze on those high risk nights like Friday and Saturday. I have an appointment with the doctor who manages my medication for depression in a couple of weeks. I am going to see if he knows any substance abuse counselors. I am going to see if I can find some online as well. I am going to be reading this site a lot more. When I did that I found it helpful.

PhoenixJ

Good for you. Is gambling a problem? Could be a trigger. "Unhealthy relationship with alcohol?"

Wolfbane

Nah. I do not gamble. I did not mean "off to the races" literally. I just meant that when Friday and Saturday rolls around, I drink to excess. I really think abstinence is the way to go for me. I am not interested in attempting moderation. I do not want to moderate. I do not one or two drinks. I want twelve of them and since that hasn't been working out so hot I have to stick with zero.

Hevyn

Wolfbane - Most of us have had similar situations. That's why I had to give up the idea that there could ever be 'just a few'. I've polished off a 30 pack of beer in a day. I'm only a 5'2" woman. I was angry when I had to admit I could never trust myself to allow it in my system - but it was actually a relief. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together - forever. You can do it. Wolf.