Can't be normal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 37
Can't be normal
I would love to be normal. I stop drinking for a couple of weeks, say I will never drink again. Feel good, go to the gym and work hard. So this weekend I didn't drink Friday or Saturday. Met friends for Sunday brunch, said to myself I'll just have one beer to be social. Well one beer became several, 3 bars and a bottle of whiskey later. I missed work and just feel so ashamed. Here I am again.
F*** the Zero
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 410
Hi J, youre not alone, your story is very common.
the best advice I can give, is to not listen to that voice that says you can have one. the first is the problem drink, without it there aren't the ones you think are the problem.
the best advice I can give, is to not listen to that voice that says you can have one. the first is the problem drink, without it there aren't the ones you think are the problem.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back CapitalJ. That's the age old conundrum...we wish we weren't alcoholics, but we continue to prove ourselves wrong. Accepting the reality that we are is a big part of the battle...once you do that you can start working on ways to get off the rollercoaster. Are you ready to join us?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 37
I am such a mess and failure. I documented my bender on FB too so everyone at works knows why I wasn't in today. Not looking forward to tomorrow and what's waiting for me. The only positive thing from today was a poured a glass of whisky, put it to my lips, then said to myself I cant do this again and poured it all down the drain. I inflicted the pain so I have to feel it and get through it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 37
I wish I didn't make a fool of myself once again, I wish the ground would just swallow me up. I always think I'm ready but clearly I never am. My sister has just started recovery after 25 years of alcoholism. I want to take encouragement from that. If she can take her life back then I hope I can too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 483
Good to see you back capital j! Good call pouring the whisky out. You can do this my friend. Do not listen to that voice that says you have to drink. You don't have to. And the longer you go without a drink the quiter the voice gets. If it helps view getting sober as walking into the fight of your life. Your worth more than a bottle. Keep your head up. The fact that your posting and not drinking right now is a huge step!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back CapitalJ!! 
For me when I finally stopped trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole things got a whole lot simpler, accepting that I couldn't be a normal drinker and that alcohol needed to be off the table, no more 1 drinks.
Life has been looking up ever since, you can do this!!
For me when I finally stopped trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole things got a whole lot simpler, accepting that I couldn't be a normal drinker and that alcohol needed to be off the table, no more 1 drinks.
Life has been looking up ever since, you can do this!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 37
Thanks everyone. Everything is pretty bleak at the moment but I know the clouds will lift in time. Drink just keeps taking from me and the only thing it leaves is shame, regret, guilt and depression.
When I'm sober I enjoy life. Now though i wish it was all over. All self inflicted wounds but wounds nonetheless.
Hoping for a brighter tomorrow.
When I'm sober I enjoy life. Now though i wish it was all over. All self inflicted wounds but wounds nonetheless.
Hoping for a brighter tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 71
I felt the guilt, depression, shame, etc. 50 days ago. I know how you feel. I had to just suck it up, show my face the next day and go on. It will get better, but for me I have to pull up that terrible shame of Day1 every time I think I can maybe drink like a normal person . I have had way too many incidents over my 28 years of drinking, but this time it's clicking. I hope it clicks for you too. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I think many of us have been in your shoes at one point or another. May I suggest you save this thread, and the next time you feel the urge, read your first couple of posts. Missing work--and documenting it on facebook....so everyone knows. Hopefully that will be a bit of a deterrent. Join your sister in recovery. Heck, join us in recovery.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I still hate seeing anyone go through all of this.
No matter how you package it, this isn't about motivation, being "ready" or having had "enough." It's about doing whatever is necessary to get sober. There is simply no other explanation.
And I agree with Scott and everyone else who's said the same thing: You can't get sober and you can't stay sober unless and until you accept the fact that you just can't drink safely. Not gonna happen.
Make this your moment to look back on with both gratitude and pride.
No matter how you package it, this isn't about motivation, being "ready" or having had "enough." It's about doing whatever is necessary to get sober. There is simply no other explanation.
And I agree with Scott and everyone else who's said the same thing: You can't get sober and you can't stay sober unless and until you accept the fact that you just can't drink safely. Not gonna happen.
Make this your moment to look back on with both gratitude and pride.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by CapitalJ 
I documented my bender on FB too so everyone at works knows why I wasn't in today. Not looking forward to tomorrow and what's waiting for me.
Also drunk emails to my bosses/adviser. That feeling when you realize what you did is the worst. Sounds like you're making the right choices in the aftermath. All the best for your recovery.
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