CaptainM

I learned today that AH's brother resents me for "bailing" on AH and that I have made him (let's call him "Bro") "run around for the last few months dealing with this situation." The blame and resentment were just dripping off his tone and words.

I want to tell Bro "well, would you want to be married to all that mess you had to 'deal' with over the past few months??!!" I haven't responded... and I don't intend to. Trying to take the high road.

He can resent me since I am detached and not enabling the AH any longer - but if we're going to be mad at anyone and cast blame... no way... it's not going to be at me!

We share a few friends and I'm worried Bro will bad-mouth me to others.

Ugh. How have others dealt with blame, shame, resentment from A's families? Trying to rise above, but that is easier said than done.

LexieCat

I took the low road once and cc'd his entire family on my response to an accusatory email from the alcoholic (at least one of them had taken out quite a bit of her anger/fear on me). I immediately regretted it and apologized--it's not their business (I cc'd them because he'd cc'd them on the nasty email in the first place). I received a kind email from another family member expressing her understanding and sympathy.

I think the best thing to do is just ignore it. Consider the source--he's someone who didn't have to live with what you did. If he does badmouth you to others, I'd just ignore that, too. If you need to, you can just tell them that you understand he's frustrated about the situation too, and you sympathize--it's the same mess you've been dealing with all this time. And then let it go.

Maudcat

I think that, in many cases, the person divorcing/leaving eventually ends up leaving the in-laws as well to preserve sanity and serenity. My first mil was toxic and addicted to family drama. After the divorce, I gradually stopped seeing her and talking to her. Things were much calmer in my life without her in it.

hearthealth

As my counselor stated they are on his team. MIL won't even allow *me* at parties and now I've accepted that I never will be. It's their life corrupted by unhealthy relationships.
I will take the high road. It proves them wrong and will not add to their mistaken ammunition. They have repeated proven where I stand in the family. I keep the focus off them. I learned who my friends and family are and they provide my serenity. It's not easy but time lessens the pain of loss when we know we did not do anything wrong. If you did nothing wrong you have nothing to apologize for. I could list a whole bunch of lies from them to justify their beliefs in what a bad person I was/am. My standard will always be important to me and angry mistaken in laws won't change my standards.

maia1234

I am 2 years post divorce after 34 years together. My x mil is currently not speaking to me also, never acknowledged my birthday as she has forever. She is mad that I have cut contact with axh as she feels x's need to be cordual. She also is a typical codie, as her husband was an a. She never saught support and just "survives" having an addict son. Oh well.

The only people we have control over is ourselves. One day your friends and family will hear your "truths" and understand how you survived. My family still does not know my true story, and that's ok , one day. Stay true to your self and you will be ok, my friend. That's all we can do. Hugs!!!!