DontRemember

In the past year I've lost A LOT to the drink! Broke up with my gf because she was a 'mean drunk' and only wanted to go to the bar every night(not the only reason I ended it..).. I have cut out most of my 'drug buddies'..minus weed..I don't consider that to be a drug and don't really smoke(once a month..maybe).. Just curious how your friend/family "circle" changed while getting sober..

Delilah1

Most of my drinking was at home on my couch. I did stop going to work functions where there was alcohol the first few months.

Dee74

I had to cut out all my mates because, by the end, they were all alcoholics too.

My whole life revolved around drinking. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones.

On the weed (you knew someone would pull you up on this right?) cross-addiction - getting addicted to something else - is very real.

I stopped smoking pot daily and started drinking more heavily so I'm guessing it can go the other way pretty quick.

The second thing is - smoking pot can make really dumb ideas...like 'just having one drink' or 'going back to not drinking tomorrow' seem like magnificent genius.

The third thing is - you're working so hard to stop drinking, be free of your alcohol addiction and turn your life around,...why not be *totally* free?

D

courage2

I cut people. I was pretty isolated anyway, but there are people I'll never talk to again, and they'll never understand why. I don't really have anything against them -- I just can't see them. I'm not the same person and the old things don't mean to me what they used to.

thomas11

I would go so far as to say that changing or modifying your social circle is a requirement when committing to sobriety.

kellyrally

I'm having a year where I'm consciously making the choice to cut ties with those who were either not invested in our friendship or those whom I don't feel great about as in they don't really give a **** about me or it's just a fake friendship based on drunken times. Though I'm definitely finding this more of a positive thing and I know am more focused on meeting new people who are good for me and make me feel good!

Mick75

I lost a lot of what I thought were friends, turns out only thing we had in common was getting drunk. The people who have stayed with me and are willing to not drink around me or invite me to bars, well they stayed and I thank them for being true friends.
When I got married, my brother made a toast he said, "my little brother is my best friend, you all know what a best friend is? Well a friend will help you move a best friend will help you move a body." The body movers have stayed with me.
Love ya all,
Mick

entropy1964

Since when isn't weed a drug?

August252015

I will tell you that I am ruthless about who gets a seat at my table. I simply don't allow anyone who isn't supportive of my sobriety, and who isn't working on their best life as they can do it, space in my life. This has mostly meant re-finding friends I drove away or let slip away while I was drinking heavily. Some I've reached out to have not wanted back in, for whatever reason; that has to be ok. In one instance, I have to love with detachment because the friend is struggling with his own demons with alcoholism.

Everyone in my world, personally speaking, is an adder not a detractor, because that is the kind of person I want to be, seek and deserve - now.

LadyBlue0527

I didn't have to cut anyone out of my life but I also don't see them anymore either. I stay in contact and someday, when the situation isn't all about drinking, I will see them again. Not until I'm ready and not unless it's under that condition.

aasharon90

I got so tired of trying to explain why I
don't do things I used to do back in the
day when under the influence of alcohol
or in my addiction to family and friends
that in order to remain content, sober,
at peace in life, I took steps to distance
myself from them.

Folks that are not educated about
addiction, no need for it, no concern
for it, will not understand it unless
they are sick with it themselves. If
they have not experienced addiction
and recovery themselves then they
wont know it. imo.

Family and friends saw me one way
before recovery, then when I went
thru the course learning about addiction
and its affects on my own mind, body
and soul, then received a program of recovery
to incorporate in all areas of my life, I began
to heal and grow and mature from it and
they didn't understand that change in me.

It became so frustrating to constantly explain
this change to them without understanding
and healthy communication with them, that
I made a decision to place them into my HP's
hands, let them go, moved on to live a healthier,
peaceful, sober life for many one days down
the road.

People, places and things out of my control
are handed over into a Power greater than I
to allow me time to focus on what life has
in store for me this very day.

StormiNormi

I guess, for me, it has been an evolution of sorts. It has taken considerable time to distance myself from my drinking friends to 99% Sober friends.
The only drinking person left in my inner circle is my sister. I am not ready to drop her yet; she is still my BFF. We have occassional alchohol talks, and over the years, i have given her books and opportunities to be candid; but ultimately it has to be her choice.
We have a open door policy at our house; always great fun and lots of support.
The only requirement is no alchohol on site.
It has been awesome for ppl in transition as we hold no judgement here so long as everyone comes sober.

RedAndy

^^^^ THIS ^^^ THIS ^^^ AND THIS AGAIN ^^^

No doubt at all in my mind that it really is everything to be totally clean and free - if it's only once a month then why bother at all ? you're keeping the door slightly open - shut it firmly and don't open it again.

With regards to cutting people from your life then this was also a definite yes for me, if all you did was drink and drug with them then what reason do you have to be in their company in bars or round someone's house where everything is in full flow, it's an unnecessary pressure that you really don't need, not now and in all honesty not ever imo, give it a chance and find new things to do with your time, there's plenty out there and in a few months time you won't even want to be a part of that social circle anyway - they are still going to continue doing that and that's their choice of course, it's not causing them the issues it is for you and unfortunately you need to realise it's unlikely that most will understand or more to the point care, if you really want to make this work you need to move on and do what's best for you.

Only exception to the rule for myself are work colleagues some of whom are also good friends and long term drinking & drugging buddies - they know the issues and encourage where I am right now so its cool with them and we still have a laugh but I'm never likely to be going sitting in bars with them watching them drink - it's just not my scene anymore - I've moved on.

a famous line from a good friend that is oh so true "NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES"

MLD51

I didn't really cut anyone out, But there are people I'd just rather not spend a bunch of time with anymore. We keep in touch. Most of my closest friends do still drink, but they are 100% supportive, and understand if I don't want to hang out with them while they are drinking. Sometimes I'm ok with spending time with them while they are drinking, and sometimes I'm not. Bottom line for me is, if you are a friend who can support and respect my decision and understand even a little what I'm going through and what my journey is about, I'll spend time with you. If you are not that kind of friend, I've got other stuff to do, and we can remain acquaintances.

lovespell

I am rather new to this but slowly finding out who my true blue friends are. The true ones come to see me. The others want me to go to the bar because they absolutely can't miss it for one night. I'm holding strong. I have a feeling with my situation that many of them will dwindle slowly away. That's ok. Not that I will reject them in any way I just have s feeling that drinking is more important to them and if I can't partake then we will have nothing in common.

OpioPhobe

My experience is rather extreme, but I basically started a whole new life. This involved cutting everyone out except for my children. I have no contact with any old friends or my X. It was liberating to completely start over in one fell swoop. I will probably have to contact some people for my 9th step amends, but I will not keep in contact with any of them afterwards. Those people remind me of my old self, and I don't want anything to do with who I used to be.

KiKi0615

I cut all drinkers out, all toxic people and all people who don't support my sobriety. I added sober people (from my recovery program and some friends that don't drink) and am only around alcohol when I absolutely have to....like a family wedding etc. hang in there!

Delfin

What Courage said is true for me too. I didn't cut people abruptly, just sort of drifted away. I don't miss them.

Delfin

Dustmeoff

At just a few days shy of one year sober, my only disappointment is my relationship with my best friend and drinking buddy of 20 years. Instead of cutting him out I'm actively trying to maintain the friendship, but the dynamic has changed, and now that it's not centered around drinking or planning binges, just seems kind of forced. Thankfully, although he continues to drink, he does support my sobriety.

Mountainmanbob

Did you 'cut' people from your life?

Yes, a few of my old drinking only friends.
It actually got boring hanging out with them
as they drank and acted foolish.

If I wish, I can easily today hang out with ones drinking.
But, usually I have good reason to be there.
Family gatherings etc.

In the beginning of my sobriety.
I avoided any and all drinking around me situations.

M-Bob