Holidays are coming--ugh
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Holidays are coming--ugh
So, I've got six months under my belt. I don't really think about it anymore and I've been through my share of "firsts". First big fight with the husband, first fight with the kids, first party, BBQs, Fourth of July, and even football games. I used to licker up for all of these events and honestly, they were more fun that way. I'm not going lie. Yes, I had fun at them still, but wished I could drink just on those days and go back to sobriety. I know from two times in the hospital it ain't happening. But what to do about the holiday season. Ugh.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
When I rhink forward to the Christmas period and all of the opportunities to drink coming up, I feel a bit panicky. So I'm just taking this one day at a time. I will get through today and live well today and deal with tomorrow when it comes.
hi notgonnastoptry
6 months = great !!!
some aa fellowships have alcathons during the holidays
24 hour meetings
in my first year i went to a 3am meeting just for fun
youth is wasted on the young
6 months = great !!!
some aa fellowships have alcathons during the holidays
24 hour meetings
in my first year i went to a 3am meeting just for fun
youth is wasted on the young
I think it is smart to be prepared for the holidays. Bring your own drinks, have an escape route.. Dee posted a list of how to survive Thanksgiving. It is a good one. I am sure someone will be by with the link.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
One thing that has already surprised me about the holidays is crashing grief that just floored me last weekend, when we were going to put up my tree. I had been thinking along the lines of "I am sober this year, it is going to be great, I LOVE Christmas, I am in such a better place, and family things are much better and I have a wonderful partner and...."
Yeah. I have needed to bring it back into the 40mph lane, as my sponsor says. I am going to have to celebrate in some different ways (literally- putting up my own tree at home just won't work this year as it just brought the past few Christmases of solitude, drinking, pain, etc crashing back) and to pace myself emotionally. If there is one thing I have learned in this program, it's that the good stuff- the progress, the happiness, the positive emotions- can be overwhelming just like the bad stuff.
Not too high, not too low. And giving myself breathing room, taking care of myself, and not getting overstimulated- all are going to be key.
I'm taking this holiday stuff one day, one dinner plan, one AA meeting....one everything at a time. It will be OK if I just focus on keeping my focus on my recovery - each of these "big days of celebration" are simply one more day in my recovery.
Yeah. I have needed to bring it back into the 40mph lane, as my sponsor says. I am going to have to celebrate in some different ways (literally- putting up my own tree at home just won't work this year as it just brought the past few Christmases of solitude, drinking, pain, etc crashing back) and to pace myself emotionally. If there is one thing I have learned in this program, it's that the good stuff- the progress, the happiness, the positive emotions- can be overwhelming just like the bad stuff.
Not too high, not too low. And giving myself breathing room, taking care of myself, and not getting overstimulated- all are going to be key.
I'm taking this holiday stuff one day, one dinner plan, one AA meeting....one everything at a time. It will be OK if I just focus on keeping my focus on my recovery - each of these "big days of celebration" are simply one more day in my recovery.
I know the feeling! For my first Christmas/New Years sober I had a quiet time at home with no visitors :-) I recommend it for the first year of sobriety while still adjusting. Congratulations on your achievement!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
I never thought I'd be able to enjoy a social occasion without wanting to drink...
yet here I am not waiting to drink, honestly preferring not to drink...and enjoying life far more than I ever did as a drinker.
Change is a process - it can take a little time - but have faith notgonnastoptry
D
I completely get it notgonnastoptry. The holidays are tough because in most cases, everyone is drinking. That's something that's never going to change. Six months is good work! I'm a little over that threshold myself.
It sounds a little like you're still seeing alcohol as a positive, equating it with fun. Whenever I find my mind starting to do that I allow the negative consequences of my actions to flood my head. Just for a few moments. I don't dwell, I just use it as a reminder as to why others can drink and I can't.
I no longer allow myself to entertain thoughts of drinking as being fun. It sounds like you still occasionally do that. I don't diminish the fact that I did have some fun when I drank but I found that focusing on those times was the worst thing I could do to support sobriety. When I taught myself to let go of that and retrained myself to look at the negative aspects of alcohol it made sober life that much easier.
A good question is, if you compare an event with alcohol and the same event without alcohol and say that the alcohol makes it more fun is the event really fun at all? Or, is it just because there's alcohol present? I actually enjoy things far more now that there's no alcohol present. Not saying this is easy but your mind will accept whatever you tell it.
Try to think of the positive outcome of enjoying the holidays without alcohol rather than the negativity of not having it. Not saying it's easy and that your statements aren't valid but there's a deep seated reason for my signature. When you fully accept sobriety with no excuses (really accept it) life gets a whole lot better.
It sounds a little like you're still seeing alcohol as a positive, equating it with fun. Whenever I find my mind starting to do that I allow the negative consequences of my actions to flood my head. Just for a few moments. I don't dwell, I just use it as a reminder as to why others can drink and I can't.
I no longer allow myself to entertain thoughts of drinking as being fun. It sounds like you still occasionally do that. I don't diminish the fact that I did have some fun when I drank but I found that focusing on those times was the worst thing I could do to support sobriety. When I taught myself to let go of that and retrained myself to look at the negative aspects of alcohol it made sober life that much easier.
A good question is, if you compare an event with alcohol and the same event without alcohol and say that the alcohol makes it more fun is the event really fun at all? Or, is it just because there's alcohol present? I actually enjoy things far more now that there's no alcohol present. Not saying this is easy but your mind will accept whatever you tell it.
Try to think of the positive outcome of enjoying the holidays without alcohol rather than the negativity of not having it. Not saying it's easy and that your statements aren't valid but there's a deep seated reason for my signature. When you fully accept sobriety with no excuses (really accept it) life gets a whole lot better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 114
at 17 months sober I now get a warm fuzzy feeling when I think of the coming holidays. it wasn't that way a year ago back then I felt I was missing out on the festivities by not drinking. You'll get there soon congrats on the 6 months!
Hiya.... I copied and pasted the following from my own thread about Christmas that I started back on Oct 24th...
...one of the things I learnt over my last 2 sober Christmas periods was that planning ahead makes a big difference. And yesterday as I walked to church at 8.30am the local volunteers were out in my high street putting up strings of lights ready for the switch on in a few weeks. I suppose they have to do it over a few weeks and get everything tested in good time. Anyway, it got me thinking about my plans for this (and past ) years celebrations.*
My first sober Christmas involved, to be honest, me sitting around sulking and full of self pity that everyone else could have a 'Christmas' drink (who was I kidding??!!) And I could not. Poor me, poor me. I made no plans other than to ignore it, eat lots and be a martyr.*
Last year (sober Xmas 2) I got more organised. I noted dates on my calender of when Christmassy things were happening locally, and went along of I could. I put my name down on church volunteer lists to help with services. I took part in the church Christmas Carol service in the choir. I bought panto tickets. I contacted family members I'd long neglected and went to visit them. I had fun. Sober fun. More fun than I'd ever had as an adult at Christmas.*
So this year, I hope that Christmas will be like last year's. But I need to take responsibility for that. So far on my list...
Have volunteered to help with the camels at the Xmas light switch on (note to self: find out about how to care for camels)
Am on the rota for Christmas Tree festival at local church
Have bought a panto ticket for the first day after work finishes for Xmas hols.
Have volunteered to help at Christmas day lunch for homeless at local Cathedral
Have confirmed with my AA home group that we will have a meeting in the evening of Christmas day, and will unlock and be secretary as usual.
Now I just need to....
Find out what now-less-neglected family have got planned for the general Xmas period
Get other church special Christmas services and celebrations in my diary and put my name on the list of people who can help out if required
Oh, and I suppose some little gifts will be in order, but not SO important in the big scheme of things
Make sure that other local and regional AAers know about the meeting so they can travel there if they need or want to.
Keep noting fun Xmassy things in my diary and encourage sober friends to come along (esp newly sober ones or people who might be on their own and like some company)
I'm looking forward to December!!
I hope you find some things to enjoy, booze free, over the holiday season. Just remember, Christmas isn't about alcohol. We just made it that way, just like me made pretty much everything that way. And I can't think of a single better gift that we can give to ourselves and those who care about us (or have to put us with us) than sobriety and recovery.
...one of the things I learnt over my last 2 sober Christmas periods was that planning ahead makes a big difference. And yesterday as I walked to church at 8.30am the local volunteers were out in my high street putting up strings of lights ready for the switch on in a few weeks. I suppose they have to do it over a few weeks and get everything tested in good time. Anyway, it got me thinking about my plans for this (and past ) years celebrations.*
My first sober Christmas involved, to be honest, me sitting around sulking and full of self pity that everyone else could have a 'Christmas' drink (who was I kidding??!!) And I could not. Poor me, poor me. I made no plans other than to ignore it, eat lots and be a martyr.*
Last year (sober Xmas 2) I got more organised. I noted dates on my calender of when Christmassy things were happening locally, and went along of I could. I put my name down on church volunteer lists to help with services. I took part in the church Christmas Carol service in the choir. I bought panto tickets. I contacted family members I'd long neglected and went to visit them. I had fun. Sober fun. More fun than I'd ever had as an adult at Christmas.*
So this year, I hope that Christmas will be like last year's. But I need to take responsibility for that. So far on my list...
Have volunteered to help with the camels at the Xmas light switch on (note to self: find out about how to care for camels)
Am on the rota for Christmas Tree festival at local church
Have bought a panto ticket for the first day after work finishes for Xmas hols.
Have volunteered to help at Christmas day lunch for homeless at local Cathedral
Have confirmed with my AA home group that we will have a meeting in the evening of Christmas day, and will unlock and be secretary as usual.
Now I just need to....
Find out what now-less-neglected family have got planned for the general Xmas period
Get other church special Christmas services and celebrations in my diary and put my name on the list of people who can help out if required
Oh, and I suppose some little gifts will be in order, but not SO important in the big scheme of things
Make sure that other local and regional AAers know about the meeting so they can travel there if they need or want to.
Keep noting fun Xmassy things in my diary and encourage sober friends to come along (esp newly sober ones or people who might be on their own and like some company)
I'm looking forward to December!!
I hope you find some things to enjoy, booze free, over the holiday season. Just remember, Christmas isn't about alcohol. We just made it that way, just like me made pretty much everything that way. And I can't think of a single better gift that we can give to ourselves and those who care about us (or have to put us with us) than sobriety and recovery.
There is always the typical Christmas party season to deal with as well as the dinners and family time, but as it turns out there are also a lot of alternatives. I am already trying to line up a few festive but non alcoholic events.
I am avoiding all of the typical drinking parties and searching out alternative ways to feel festive, share some time with other people, eat holiday food and hear holiday music.
For example, I am taking my kids to a Christmas party at the local library where they will be reading Christmas stories, playing Christmas music and then Santa will come. There will be cookies and other food and it will feel very festive.
My hair salon is having a Christmas party this year where a limited number of customers can sign up for a FREE treatment, then wash and style by specialists they have coming in from Milan. The atmosphere will be festive with Christmas music, a lot of regular customers mingling. Yes, there will be a buffet and alcohol served, but as I was on top of reserving a spot for the free treatment, I will be in the salon chair and not near the alcohol. They then have specialists you can speak to about products and services and they will give away gifts and offer discounts on products.
Another activity I am looking forward to is attending several classical music concerts in the area. Can you find a production of The Nutcracker where you are? Even if you are not a fan of classical music or ballet, it is really a special, special thing to see. I promise you it would be a wasted few hours.
I think there will only be one that I can make, but almost every weekend there are Christmas markets in nearby towns. They start early in the day and go into the night. There are various booths with people offering home made items for sale- good for gift shopping or just "window sopping" and often there are local food items. Last year I had a delicious lunch of local prosciutto, homemade bread, local cheeses and honey.
My village has a Christmas parade that I plan on going to. This will be a family event, the kids can see Santa.
Speaking of gifts for sale, I will go on a secret santa shop and find gifts for the Nigerian family I help out. Myself and the other woman who help this family have already planned a dinner and movie night at her home with the woman of the group who just gave birth. We will watch a Christmas movies, oogle over the baby, eat dinner and give her gifts for herself and the baby. I am currently making a sack of useful gifts to keep in may car- wrapped packages of warm socks, hats for men, purses for women with tampons, a lipstick, warm gloves, lotion and hand them out when I am approached by the needy for money.
Check out what other food festivals might be going on this time of year. It is chestnut season so now we have a lot of chestnut festivals where the focus is definitely the food, not alcohol. You can order various food items, but there is a big part of the menu that focusses on chesnuts- roasted chestnuts, chestnut crepes stuffed with fresh ricotta or nutella, chestnut cake......
So, in short, I have found the best alternatives to "Christmas parties" in bars or restaurants, that still have a "Christmassy feel" are:
-Food festivals
-Christmas markets
-Events at the library
-Volunteering
-Christmas concerts or The Nutcracker
-Random parties at non bar locales such as shops, salons, museums
I am avoiding all of the typical drinking parties and searching out alternative ways to feel festive, share some time with other people, eat holiday food and hear holiday music.
For example, I am taking my kids to a Christmas party at the local library where they will be reading Christmas stories, playing Christmas music and then Santa will come. There will be cookies and other food and it will feel very festive.
My hair salon is having a Christmas party this year where a limited number of customers can sign up for a FREE treatment, then wash and style by specialists they have coming in from Milan. The atmosphere will be festive with Christmas music, a lot of regular customers mingling. Yes, there will be a buffet and alcohol served, but as I was on top of reserving a spot for the free treatment, I will be in the salon chair and not near the alcohol. They then have specialists you can speak to about products and services and they will give away gifts and offer discounts on products.
Another activity I am looking forward to is attending several classical music concerts in the area. Can you find a production of The Nutcracker where you are? Even if you are not a fan of classical music or ballet, it is really a special, special thing to see. I promise you it would be a wasted few hours.
I think there will only be one that I can make, but almost every weekend there are Christmas markets in nearby towns. They start early in the day and go into the night. There are various booths with people offering home made items for sale- good for gift shopping or just "window sopping" and often there are local food items. Last year I had a delicious lunch of local prosciutto, homemade bread, local cheeses and honey.
My village has a Christmas parade that I plan on going to. This will be a family event, the kids can see Santa.
Speaking of gifts for sale, I will go on a secret santa shop and find gifts for the Nigerian family I help out. Myself and the other woman who help this family have already planned a dinner and movie night at her home with the woman of the group who just gave birth. We will watch a Christmas movies, oogle over the baby, eat dinner and give her gifts for herself and the baby. I am currently making a sack of useful gifts to keep in may car- wrapped packages of warm socks, hats for men, purses for women with tampons, a lipstick, warm gloves, lotion and hand them out when I am approached by the needy for money.
Check out what other food festivals might be going on this time of year. It is chestnut season so now we have a lot of chestnut festivals where the focus is definitely the food, not alcohol. You can order various food items, but there is a big part of the menu that focusses on chesnuts- roasted chestnuts, chestnut crepes stuffed with fresh ricotta or nutella, chestnut cake......
So, in short, I have found the best alternatives to "Christmas parties" in bars or restaurants, that still have a "Christmassy feel" are:
-Food festivals
-Christmas markets
-Events at the library
-Volunteering
-Christmas concerts or The Nutcracker
-Random parties at non bar locales such as shops, salons, museums
Berrybean and Meraviglioso, what great posts! I feel inspired.
I LOVE this idea! ^
I LOVE this idea! ^
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 157
I hear ya, the company I work for has a big winter party, it starts at 2pm and attendance is mandatory until 5pm as this is paid work time. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how not to attend. The upper management are all party guys, and the booze will flow.
I don't know how I'm going to skip it but I will figure something out.
Thanksgiving for me is going to be great, I have a big family, and I love to cook, we should have a crowd of about 30 for dinner, I'm doing turkey, smoked brisket, spicy sausages, and smoked oysters. Everyone brings side dishes, only difference this year is I told everyone, no booze in my house, not a drop. I got some flak, from a couple of relatives but my house my rules.
Now I juat have to get out of the company party, I've got three weeks to figure something out.
TGIF folks.
I don't know how I'm going to skip it but I will figure something out.
Thanksgiving for me is going to be great, I have a big family, and I love to cook, we should have a crowd of about 30 for dinner, I'm doing turkey, smoked brisket, spicy sausages, and smoked oysters. Everyone brings side dishes, only difference this year is I told everyone, no booze in my house, not a drop. I got some flak, from a couple of relatives but my house my rules.
Now I juat have to get out of the company party, I've got three weeks to figure something out.
TGIF folks.
I hear ya, the company I work for has a big winter party, it starts at 2pm and attendance is mandatory until 5pm as this is paid work time. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how not to attend. The upper management are all party guys, and the booze will flow.
I don't know how I'm going to skip it but I will figure something out.
Thanksgiving for me is going to be great, I have a big family, and I love to cook, we should have a crowd of about 30 for dinner, I'm doing turkey, smoked brisket, spicy sausages, and smoked oysters. Everyone brings side dishes, only difference this year is I told everyone, no booze in my house, not a drop. I got some flak, from a couple of relatives but my house my rules.
Now I juat have to get out of the company party, I've got three weeks to figure something out.
TGIF folks.
I don't know how I'm going to skip it but I will figure something out.
Thanksgiving for me is going to be great, I have a big family, and I love to cook, we should have a crowd of about 30 for dinner, I'm doing turkey, smoked brisket, spicy sausages, and smoked oysters. Everyone brings side dishes, only difference this year is I told everyone, no booze in my house, not a drop. I got some flak, from a couple of relatives but my house my rules.
Now I juat have to get out of the company party, I've got three weeks to figure something out.
TGIF folks.
Even if you don't get paid, it wouldn't be a good idea to attend this drunk-fest! In the long run you will SAVE money by quitting the alcohol and a day's pay doesn't matter in the scheme of things...
Being around a bunch of drunks that are partying is NOT a good thing early in sobriety.....or anytime in sobriety, really.....once you are at work they may make leaving very difficult, and you really don't need this!!!
On the other hand, your Thanksgiving plans sound spectacular!
Good luck!
As I was reading I was starting to wonder why you don't drink since it sounded to be fun.
But, then the line above was reveled -- that's no fun.
I have also been to the hospital many times due to my drinking.
Remembering those times is a good motivator.
Too many of my friends have died behind this.
Drugs took out one of our young family members just the other day.
A couple of my friends in AA died with a bottle of booze in hand.
Hey, our families and friends love and need us.
M-Bob
But, then the line above was reveled -- that's no fun.
I have also been to the hospital many times due to my drinking.
Remembering those times is a good motivator.
Too many of my friends have died behind this.
Drugs took out one of our young family members just the other day.
A couple of my friends in AA died with a bottle of booze in hand.
Hey, our families and friends love and need us.
M-Bob
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
What you do, and what anyone whose panic suggests that they're open to drinking on the holidays, and that, I believe, is what the panic is all about, is to abandon any possibility that you'll drink. Right now. Not on Thanksgiving Day, not on Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve, but today.
For people like us, the holidays present the perfect opportunity and the perfect excuse to drink. It's a universal alibi, just as is the death of my favorite aunt who I spoke to once in my life, and who has somehow passed away several times in the past year or two.
Inviting destruction back into our lives isn't any prettier, isn't less painful, and isn't a smarter choice, just because it's the holidays. There is nothing more to be learned by drinking; it's not a "learning moment." That ship sailed the first time we finally came around to admitting that it isn't only ourselves who we hurt when we're drinking, even though we knew it all along.
There is never a good day to drink, and there is never a good reason to drink on the day that is never a good day to drink. No matter what else is happening in our lives, when we choose to drink we also choose to hurt ourselves and other people, just as we did and, as we know we always do, when we drink. And that just isn't right.
For people like us, the holidays present the perfect opportunity and the perfect excuse to drink. It's a universal alibi, just as is the death of my favorite aunt who I spoke to once in my life, and who has somehow passed away several times in the past year or two.
Inviting destruction back into our lives isn't any prettier, isn't less painful, and isn't a smarter choice, just because it's the holidays. There is nothing more to be learned by drinking; it's not a "learning moment." That ship sailed the first time we finally came around to admitting that it isn't only ourselves who we hurt when we're drinking, even though we knew it all along.
There is never a good day to drink, and there is never a good reason to drink on the day that is never a good day to drink. No matter what else is happening in our lives, when we choose to drink we also choose to hurt ourselves and other people, just as we did and, as we know we always do, when we drink. And that just isn't right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 2
Doing the holidays sober for the first time is tough for sure! Like you mentioned, I too always believed drinking at the different events made everything more fun (I realize now how unhappy I was). I was always so plastered at my husband's holiday party (and my husband happens to be the boss). Last year was my first holiday season being sober and it was very awkward to go, but I did it!
My suggestion is to plan ahead what you will drink if you will be in a social environment. For me tea became my best friend. If people are unaware of what you are going through I would also be prepared as to how you will choose to answer questions if people should ask why you are not drinking. Also since this will be your first holiday season sober, I would encourage you to limit or get rid of social gatherings all together. Getting sober is exhausting and especially around the holidays. By New Years Eve I was so worn out & had so much anxiety from resisting the urge to drink that I had to cancel my plans! I truly believe that solitude is important during our healing time.
Good luck & congrats on six months!!
My suggestion is to plan ahead what you will drink if you will be in a social environment. For me tea became my best friend. If people are unaware of what you are going through I would also be prepared as to how you will choose to answer questions if people should ask why you are not drinking. Also since this will be your first holiday season sober, I would encourage you to limit or get rid of social gatherings all together. Getting sober is exhausting and especially around the holidays. By New Years Eve I was so worn out & had so much anxiety from resisting the urge to drink that I had to cancel my plans! I truly believe that solitude is important during our healing time.
Good luck & congrats on six months!!
I hear ya, the company I work for has a big winter party, it starts at 2pm and attendance is mandatory until 5pm as this is paid work time. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how not to attend. The upper management are all party guys, and the booze will flow.
I don't know how I'm going to skip it but I will figure something out.
Thanksgiving for me is going to be great, I have a big family, and I love to cook, we should have a crowd of about 30 for dinner, I'm doing turkey, smoked brisket, spicy sausages, and smoked oysters. Everyone brings side dishes, only difference this year is I told everyone, no booze in my house, not a drop. I got some flak, from a couple of relatives but my house my rules.
Now I juat have to get out of the company party, I've got three weeks to figure something out.
TGIF folks.
I don't know how I'm going to skip it but I will figure something out.
Thanksgiving for me is going to be great, I have a big family, and I love to cook, we should have a crowd of about 30 for dinner, I'm doing turkey, smoked brisket, spicy sausages, and smoked oysters. Everyone brings side dishes, only difference this year is I told everyone, no booze in my house, not a drop. I got some flak, from a couple of relatives but my house my rules.
Now I juat have to get out of the company party, I've got three weeks to figure something out.
TGIF folks.
The work party is a tricky one. I'd call in sick as suggested if you really feel like i is going to be a bad place to be. Otherwise, can you speak honestly to one of your bosses and ask for special permission to not attend? I am sure they will be willing to work with you on this if you are open and honest about how this could really be troublesome for you. You could could come up with a reason you are leaving before the party if anyone asks you or your bosses during the party (your kid had a program at school, a relative needed last minute transportation to the hospital) Best of luck with that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 157
Mick, If I were you I would probably use a sick day for this occasion....take the whole day off.....The flu is very common around Holiday and stomach flu can come on very quickly!!!!
Even if you don't get paid, it wouldn't be a good idea to attend this drunk-fest! In the long run you will SAVE money by quitting the alcohol and a day's pay doesn't matter in the scheme of things...
Being around a bunch of drunks that are partying is NOT a good thing early in sobriety.....or anytime in sobriety, really.....once you are at work they may make leaving very difficult, and you really don't need this!!!
On the other hand, your Thanksgiving plans sound spectacular!
Good luck!
Even if you don't get paid, it wouldn't be a good idea to attend this drunk-fest! In the long run you will SAVE money by quitting the alcohol and a day's pay doesn't matter in the scheme of things...
Being around a bunch of drunks that are partying is NOT a good thing early in sobriety.....or anytime in sobriety, really.....once you are at work they may make leaving very difficult, and you really don't need this!!!
On the other hand, your Thanksgiving plans sound spectacular!
Good luck!
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