Class of October 2015 Part 9
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Class of October 2015 Part 9
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Thanks, Dee. Winslow, I got a laugh out of your MySpace story. We have to laugh at ourselves sometimes, right? My daughter has done many things wrong in her teen years, but this time it was all me fabricating it 
So I have a heavy heart today. My Mom got some bad news on her biopsy report. It's related to the melanoma she had a couple of years ago. I feel sort of sick and awful and sad today. I don't have any more info that that right now. More testing needs to be done before we can figure out where to go from here. But it wasn't what we were hoping to hear. My Mom told me that she has decided to "be strong" so I will try to be strong as well. I can't go to dark places in my head right now.
The irony is that I woke up in a positive mood for the first time in a long time, with a spring in my step, ready to put the election behind me and stay positive. And then this. Man, life sucks sometimes. I just wish.... wish, things were easier.
I am not drinking over this. Not at all. I tend to not want to drink when I'm sad because it just makes me sadder. I tend to drink when I'm stressed. Or even happy and feeling like celebrating something. But when I'm sad, I feel like curling up and crying. But drinking is not a good option whether we are happy, sad, angry, stressed or celebrating. We know that now.
Congrats on the shotgun, Winslow. That made my day
So I have a heavy heart today. My Mom got some bad news on her biopsy report. It's related to the melanoma she had a couple of years ago. I feel sort of sick and awful and sad today. I don't have any more info that that right now. More testing needs to be done before we can figure out where to go from here. But it wasn't what we were hoping to hear. My Mom told me that she has decided to "be strong" so I will try to be strong as well. I can't go to dark places in my head right now.
The irony is that I woke up in a positive mood for the first time in a long time, with a spring in my step, ready to put the election behind me and stay positive. And then this. Man, life sucks sometimes. I just wish.... wish, things were easier.
I am not drinking over this. Not at all. I tend to not want to drink when I'm sad because it just makes me sadder. I tend to drink when I'm stressed. Or even happy and feeling like celebrating something. But when I'm sad, I feel like curling up and crying. But drinking is not a good option whether we are happy, sad, angry, stressed or celebrating. We know that now.
Congrats on the shotgun, Winslow. That made my day
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Cold here in Vegas, well cold for us anyways, feel tired this morning, daughter and g-son are both sick
hope I don't get it,Juno,hope everything is ok with you, wish Midton would get his buns back here! Do you have any contact with him Juno? Sydney went on vacay and decided to stay in the Maldives I guess, don't blame him it's paradise,hope we have an excellent Friday
hope I don't get it,Juno,hope everything is ok with you, wish Midton would get his buns back here! Do you have any contact with him Juno? Sydney went on vacay and decided to stay in the Maldives I guess, don't blame him it's paradise,hope we have an excellent Friday Member
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Winslow, I deleted that entire Facebook account where I was friends with Midton. However, I see him now and again on Periscope. He seems to be okay though I would love for him to check in and tell us how he's doing. I'm sure he'll be back when he's ready.
Today is Day 1 again. Yesterday, Nov. 17th was just about the worst day of my life. I was sad and miserable all day facing the idea of losing my Mom. It was awful. I ended up getting wine hoping I would get some relief from the sad sad feelings I was having. I did get relief but it was short lived. My parents actually called me while I was drinking and figured out that I was drinking from the way I sounded. I admitted it and did not deny it and we had a good conversation about everything - life, death, illness. alcoholism, etc. As bad as it was, it got us all talking about our feelings and it was somehow cathartic. My Mom pointed out how toxic alcohol is to me, suggesting that it affects me way worse than just about everyone she knows (in terms of being sick). People here on this thread have pointed that out as well. My Dad reminded me that he is an alcoholic (he stopped drinking on his own without any programs, etc.) He understood why I wanted to drink last night but told me to accept this relapse, that it would not make anything better, and to remain strong for the family going forward.
I feel better today, emotionally, in spite of a gnarly hangover. I just ate something for the first time all day and it's dinner time. But it's going to be a better night and better day tomorrow. I went to the darkest places of my mind yesterday and was beyond sad, really really sad, and now I'm going to try to hang onto the positive things. There is hope that she will be treated and get better - there is hope. So day 1 for me. I have the support of my parents now and I don't want to relapse again. The election feelings were bad and still are, but this is way way worse - but I know it's time for me to be strong and stay sober. Whatever time I have left with my parents I want to cherish and enjoy and not be drunk or hungover.
How are you doing, Winslow?
Today is Day 1 again. Yesterday, Nov. 17th was just about the worst day of my life. I was sad and miserable all day facing the idea of losing my Mom. It was awful. I ended up getting wine hoping I would get some relief from the sad sad feelings I was having. I did get relief but it was short lived. My parents actually called me while I was drinking and figured out that I was drinking from the way I sounded. I admitted it and did not deny it and we had a good conversation about everything - life, death, illness. alcoholism, etc. As bad as it was, it got us all talking about our feelings and it was somehow cathartic. My Mom pointed out how toxic alcohol is to me, suggesting that it affects me way worse than just about everyone she knows (in terms of being sick). People here on this thread have pointed that out as well. My Dad reminded me that he is an alcoholic (he stopped drinking on his own without any programs, etc.) He understood why I wanted to drink last night but told me to accept this relapse, that it would not make anything better, and to remain strong for the family going forward.
I feel better today, emotionally, in spite of a gnarly hangover. I just ate something for the first time all day and it's dinner time. But it's going to be a better night and better day tomorrow. I went to the darkest places of my mind yesterday and was beyond sad, really really sad, and now I'm going to try to hang onto the positive things. There is hope that she will be treated and get better - there is hope. So day 1 for me. I have the support of my parents now and I don't want to relapse again. The election feelings were bad and still are, but this is way way worse - but I know it's time for me to be strong and stay sober. Whatever time I have left with my parents I want to cherish and enjoy and not be drunk or hungover.
How are you doing, Winslow?
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I'm ok Juno,thanks sorry about the wine but it is great you and your parents talked it all out,you mentioned your dads past drinking and most of the people who I know that were heavy drinkers just quit themselves too,no AA ,no program nothing, just done with it,I think regardless of what someone is using to quit, it just comes down to us truly wanting to be done ya know? Good that Midton is ok,I think he'll check in eventually that's why I'm glad we kept the thread going, glad you got some food in you and tomorrow will be a better day
sorry about the wine but it is great you and your parents talked it all out,you mentioned your dads past drinking and most of the people who I know that were heavy drinkers just quit themselves too,no AA ,no program nothing, just done with it,I think regardless of what someone is using to quit, it just comes down to us truly wanting to be done ya know? Good that Midton is ok,I think he'll check in eventually that's why I'm glad we kept the thread going, glad you got some food in you and tomorrow will be a better day Member
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Thanks for the prayers, Dee. I appreciate it very much.
Winslow, you are right - some people just stop drinking and don't need all the programs and meetings, etc. I remember the day my Dad announced he was stopping drinking and I have never seen him drink since that day. That was decades ago. At that time I was fully a normal social drinker and there was no question of me being an alcoholic. Well, we know that I am no longer a normal social drinker. I will remember my Mom's words well, "alcohol is toxic to you." Perhaps I can also channel my Dad's determination and resolve to not drink. He can understand what I'm going through because he probably went through things like this himself. I wonder if he got hangovers as badly as I do? So my Dad's brother was also a functional type of alcoholic and he died at age 62. He was a wonderful man. I remember spending time with him and seeing how much he drank in the evenings with his wife and they would also get into fighting with each other. The next day they would get up and everything would be fine and they would carry on again the next night. I was really really sad when he passed away. His wife, my aunt, went on to live by herself and just died in the past year or two. My cousins have already lost both of their parents. That must be so painful.
So we had a peaceful night here - me and my boys. I watched a movie with my son and will read in bed now. Peaceful is good. Night all!
Winslow, you are right - some people just stop drinking and don't need all the programs and meetings, etc. I remember the day my Dad announced he was stopping drinking and I have never seen him drink since that day. That was decades ago. At that time I was fully a normal social drinker and there was no question of me being an alcoholic. Well, we know that I am no longer a normal social drinker. I will remember my Mom's words well, "alcohol is toxic to you." Perhaps I can also channel my Dad's determination and resolve to not drink. He can understand what I'm going through because he probably went through things like this himself. I wonder if he got hangovers as badly as I do? So my Dad's brother was also a functional type of alcoholic and he died at age 62. He was a wonderful man. I remember spending time with him and seeing how much he drank in the evenings with his wife and they would also get into fighting with each other. The next day they would get up and everything would be fine and they would carry on again the next night. I was really really sad when he passed away. His wife, my aunt, went on to live by herself and just died in the past year or two. My cousins have already lost both of their parents. That must be so painful.
So we had a peaceful night here - me and my boys. I watched a movie with my son and will read in bed now. Peaceful is good. Night all!
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Juno,glad you had a peaceful night I wrapped Christmas presents and it took me an hour! That was only a few too,I like to spoil the kids on Christmas, I wonder if FL daughter will be back by then, she says she doesn't know when they're coming back, damn kids! Hope we have a great day
I wrapped Christmas presents and it took me an hour! That was only a few too,I like to spoil the kids on Christmas, I wonder if FL daughter will be back by then, she says she doesn't know when they're coming back, damn kids! Hope we have a great day Member
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I love Christmas, too, Winslow. It is calming and soothing to me. I plan to put up the Christmas tree on the day after Thanksgiving. That is our tradition and it's very comforting to me. I like to play Christmas music and enjoy all the ornaments.
I hope your daughter is okay, Winslow! My daughter is away in Boston with her boyfriend. I'm trying not to worry about her - she is being taken care of and the mother seems nice. She will be home late late Tuesday night.
I woke up with color in my cheeks today. So nice to see. I made a point of looking at myself in the mirror yesterday on Day 1 and was kind of shocked at the color of my skin. Was it pale yellow? Gray? I'm not even sure. Today I had rosey cheeks again. Healing...
I hope your daughter is okay, Winslow! My daughter is away in Boston with her boyfriend. I'm trying not to worry about her - she is being taken care of and the mother seems nice. She will be home late late Tuesday night.
I woke up with color in my cheeks today. So nice to see. I made a point of looking at myself in the mirror yesterday on Day 1 and was kind of shocked at the color of my skin. Was it pale yellow? Gray? I'm not even sure. Today I had rosey cheeks again. Healing...
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Ugh,I don't even want to talk about my last drunk face Juno,my mom was here and she's gonna be 66 Nov 25,I just turned 43(bleh) anyways we looked practically the SAME age!! My eyes were swollen, my skin was dry but greasy, so disgusting, I never want to see that ugly drunk face again! Ordered more stuff for Christmas last night, even though my kids are big and hubs is too,I just love the season, hope you have a wonderful day today with your family
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Hey Winslow, so glad you're enjoying Christmas shopping. I love it too, but do tend to get stressed out over it so this year I'm telling the kids we are simplifying and streamlining since they are getting older and so am I and we have all this other stuff to deal with. I think they will be able to handle it. Still, there are things about the season that I love.
I'm having a pretty good day for a Sunday - got caught up on my work that I missed due to be being hungover on Friday, thank goodness. Hoping for a nice easy short work week given that it's Thanksgiving!
I'm actually glad I looked at myself in the mirror on Day 1, Winslow, because I never really stopped to examine my skin and say, "What do I look like?" I looked pale and deathly. I noticed immediately the next day when I woke up and I had rosey cheeks again. What an eye opening experience.
My son wants to go to Taco Bell tonight for dinnner (nothing like gourmet, right?) but it sounds fine to me. Anything but wine. Happy Sunday
I'm having a pretty good day for a Sunday - got caught up on my work that I missed due to be being hungover on Friday, thank goodness. Hoping for a nice easy short work week given that it's Thanksgiving!
I'm actually glad I looked at myself in the mirror on Day 1, Winslow, because I never really stopped to examine my skin and say, "What do I look like?" I looked pale and deathly. I noticed immediately the next day when I woke up and I had rosey cheeks again. What an eye opening experience.
My son wants to go to Taco Bell tonight for dinnner (nothing like gourmet, right?) but it sounds fine to me. Anything but wine. Happy Sunday
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Time for a check in and apologies for being selfish about not checking in.
I'm in a strange position. I guess I'm drinking but don't have any desire to drink. I've drank the last three of the last four or five Saturdays. I drank basically because my broadcasts from bars are popular. So on a Saturday I go to a bar and broadcast for an hour. I talk more than I eat or drink then go home. I'm not even drinking my beloved wine, for some reason the thought of wine makes me nauseous. At present I can't see myself ever drinking wine again.
So far I've had no desire to drink during the week and I don't feel the need to get blasted. This is all new for me and I've no idea where this mindset has come from.
I have lost a bit of weight recently and feel pretty good in the gym so that is a motivating factor.
I didn't drink the weekend there as I was kind of sick but never remotely missed it. I feel like I've has a St. Paul on the road to Damascus convention. Maybe I've eventually just outgrown the Ned to drink to oblivion and escape into myself.
I'm in a strange position. I guess I'm drinking but don't have any desire to drink. I've drank the last three of the last four or five Saturdays. I drank basically because my broadcasts from bars are popular. So on a Saturday I go to a bar and broadcast for an hour. I talk more than I eat or drink then go home. I'm not even drinking my beloved wine, for some reason the thought of wine makes me nauseous. At present I can't see myself ever drinking wine again.
So far I've had no desire to drink during the week and I don't feel the need to get blasted. This is all new for me and I've no idea where this mindset has come from.
I have lost a bit of weight recently and feel pretty good in the gym so that is a motivating factor.
I didn't drink the weekend there as I was kind of sick but never remotely missed it. I feel like I've has a St. Paul on the road to Damascus convention. Maybe I've eventually just outgrown the Ned to drink to oblivion and escape into myself.
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Dee, you're probably right. There is something more complicated going on as not only have I lost my appetite for drinking I've also lost it for eating. Hence the weight loss and probable reason why I was sick over the weekend.
I've lost a bit of my spark and feel flat to be honest. But I'm not abusing alcohol or rebounding back into drinking like before.
I've lost a bit of my spark and feel flat to be honest. But I'm not abusing alcohol or rebounding back into drinking like before.
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Midton, so glad you posted. I can relate to the feeling of losing your spark and feeling flat. With the election not going the way I had hoped, and then my Mom having some serious health issues I feel I'm slipping into a depression, at best feeling flat and not excited about life. However, I'm determined to stay positive as best I can and sober, as that is my only hope at this point. If I descend into drinking again, I am toast and no good to anyone around me.
I have had that feeling several times - that I can handle a an odd drink or two, that I'm not really an alcoholic (still not sure about that) and that I have outgrown the need for excessive drinking. Often that lasts a while, and then inevitably when the situation and time is right I give myself permission to grab a bottle of wine (why not, right? It's perfectly legal. Not breaking any laws here. And other adults do this - nothing wrong with it, right?) and then I retreat to my cozy house with the bottle of wine and drink as much as I feel like, which is inevitably too much and feel sick the next day. I have come to the conclusion, as my Mom said so succinctly, that alcohol is toxic to me. That is my new mantra - it doesn't matter whether I think I can handle a drink or two or even if I label myself as an alcoholic, the truth is that alcohol is toxic to me.
Midton, I hope you keep posting. We missed you around here. That also goes for Sydneyman and Grizzly.
I'm off to work very soon - I'm late because I didn't set my alarm and slept until 8:00!! Fortunately my son's bus comes at 8:40 so we were on time with that. Take care, all.
I have had that feeling several times - that I can handle a an odd drink or two, that I'm not really an alcoholic (still not sure about that) and that I have outgrown the need for excessive drinking. Often that lasts a while, and then inevitably when the situation and time is right I give myself permission to grab a bottle of wine (why not, right? It's perfectly legal. Not breaking any laws here. And other adults do this - nothing wrong with it, right?) and then I retreat to my cozy house with the bottle of wine and drink as much as I feel like, which is inevitably too much and feel sick the next day. I have come to the conclusion, as my Mom said so succinctly, that alcohol is toxic to me. That is my new mantra - it doesn't matter whether I think I can handle a drink or two or even if I label myself as an alcoholic, the truth is that alcohol is toxic to me.
Midton, I hope you keep posting. We missed you around here. That also goes for Sydneyman and Grizzly.
I'm off to work very soon - I'm late because I didn't set my alarm and slept until 8:00!! Fortunately my son's bus comes at 8:40 so we were on time with that. Take care, all.
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Hey all, Midton!! Great to see you friend I really hope you stick around regardless, how did your physical go that you were getting this month? Juno,I feel in a funk a bit too,I hate it but mine just comes and goes thank goodness, hope everyone has a lovely day
I really hope you stick around regardless, how did your physical go that you were getting this month? Juno,I feel in a funk a bit too,I hate it but mine just comes and goes thank goodness, hope everyone has a lovely day Member
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Midton, I thought you were excited to get the physical done,glad you feel great though, Juno,FL daughter is freaking stranded there! Wants to come home but that boyfriend has her ID,I dunno if he's playing mind games or is a real crazy person! I'm so irritated but I know how wishy washy she is too,fighting one day,then the next all made up, I was so panicky last night, thank goodness for my magnesium glycinate,stopped my racing heart about an hour after I took it,will keep everyone posted, I knew this was a terrible idea,have a great day all
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