I hid my drinking well...
The road goes on forever
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
I hid my drinking well...
Since quitting... I have told only a few people about quitting.
Basically have told my wife and couple close family members and recently... I have told 2 "friends" on separate occasions.
Each time I told someone (other than my wife)
.... They couldn't believe it.
"You're quitting?
For good? Why?"
"But you can still have a glass of wine with dinner .. right?"
"That's crazy, you hardly drink at all"
"What? You don't drink that much?"
They never knew.... I'd go out for a beer or 2... Then go home and drink a half a bottle of booze. Or drink a 1500ml of Vodka on a weekend.
SO now... with lots of Holiday get togethers coming up and Thanksgiving ... I'm afraid I will be confronted some more.
Not sure if I want to continue to "tell people"...
So maybe I'll just say "I don't feel like drinking today"..
Basically have told my wife and couple close family members and recently... I have told 2 "friends" on separate occasions.
Each time I told someone (other than my wife)
.... They couldn't believe it.
"You're quitting?
For good? Why?"
"But you can still have a glass of wine with dinner .. right?"
"That's crazy, you hardly drink at all"
"What? You don't drink that much?"
They never knew.... I'd go out for a beer or 2... Then go home and drink a half a bottle of booze. Or drink a 1500ml of Vodka on a weekend.
SO now... with lots of Holiday get togethers coming up and Thanksgiving ... I'm afraid I will be confronted some more.
Not sure if I want to continue to "tell people"...
So maybe I'll just say "I don't feel like drinking today"..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
I hid my drinking quite well. My kids and exhusband know otherwise. My close family and friends must know that at some point I was a dysfunctional drinker. But over the last year I did my heavy drinking completely alone. They've seen me have one drink, maybe two whenever I visit. To them it probably looks like I've learned to control it. So I'm anticipating similar responses over the next few weeks, especially around Christmas.
I plan to just say 'I don't drink anymore. I don't like the effect it has on me' and leave it at that.
I plan to just say 'I don't drink anymore. I don't like the effect it has on me' and leave it at that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hey, MR. There are lots of ways of getting around why you are not drinking without going into detail. I was very ashamed when I first stopped drinking. I felt like a failure at life, and I really didn't want to get into it. I learned, though, that people weren't really as interested in me as I thought they would be. Most people at gatherings or events didn't even notice WHAT I was drinking. Anyway, the easiest thing for me was to always have a glass of soda in my hand. Ginger ale was my beverage of choice. Looks like it could be an alcoholic drink, but it's not. Or I would smile and say, "No thanks. Not drinking today" or "can't drink. Meds." Once when someone was being a tad pushy about it (that was extremely rare) I just smiled and said, "The entire biker gang went on the wagon. Can you imagine?" (I'm 65 and a granny.) peace.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
I hope that you can get through the Holidays without drinking.
I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking because I was really vulnerable and didn't want to hear anyone's comments. I stayed away from situations involving alcohol for many months. That was what worked for me. And, I haven't allowed anyone to confront me about saying 'No, thanks'. I have worked too darn hard to be where I am to have to justify my decisions to someone who doesn't get it.
I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking because I was really vulnerable and didn't want to hear anyone's comments. I stayed away from situations involving alcohol for many months. That was what worked for me. And, I haven't allowed anyone to confront me about saying 'No, thanks'. I have worked too darn hard to be where I am to have to justify my decisions to someone who doesn't get it.
The road goes on forever
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Originally Posted by Anna 
And, I haven't allowed anyone to confront me about saying 'No, thanks'. I have worked too darn hard to be where I am to have to justify my decisions to someone who doesn't get it.
I will not allow anyone to confront me.... Nor do I have to justify my decisions to someone that doesn't get it
Nice Anna ..thanks
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Be strong in your resolve. With reasons for not drinking I find that a simple answer said with a certain firmness is sufficient.
People don't have to hear the entire gory tale. With friends who have asked more questions than mere acquaintances or strangers, I have said things like:
- I thought I was overdoing it and just didn't like how that was going
- I stopped and found I felt so good I am going to keep going
- We have such an alcoholic society it's easy to overdo it and I just didn't want to do that anymore
- My father is an alcoholic and I thought I should protect myself and my health.
That last one was for people whom I regard as pretty close friends, and I have only said that twice.
Those sorts of things when said with a look straight in the eye of the person asking - I have found to be enough.
Edit: Reflecting on this, I think why it works is that the message conveyed is that I saw there was an issue and I did something about it. When the other person was also a drinker, I sensed they had something like respect for my decision. That's the thing we don't give ourselves enough credit for when we tell people we don't drink. That it was not an easy thing to do. We should be proud of it - not ashamed at all!
People don't have to hear the entire gory tale. With friends who have asked more questions than mere acquaintances or strangers, I have said things like:
- I thought I was overdoing it and just didn't like how that was going
- I stopped and found I felt so good I am going to keep going
- We have such an alcoholic society it's easy to overdo it and I just didn't want to do that anymore
- My father is an alcoholic and I thought I should protect myself and my health.
That last one was for people whom I regard as pretty close friends, and I have only said that twice.
Those sorts of things when said with a look straight in the eye of the person asking - I have found to be enough.
Edit: Reflecting on this, I think why it works is that the message conveyed is that I saw there was an issue and I did something about it. When the other person was also a drinker, I sensed they had something like respect for my decision. That's the thing we don't give ourselves enough credit for when we tell people we don't drink. That it was not an easy thing to do. We should be proud of it - not ashamed at all!
The road goes on forever
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
Edit: Reflecting on this, I think why it works is that the message conveyed is that I saw there was an issue and I did something about it. When the other person was also a drinker, I sensed they had something like respect for my decision. That's the thing we don't give ourselves enough credit for when we tell people we don't drink. That it was not an easy thing to do. We should be proud of it - not ashamed at all!
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