Needachangenow

I came here not to post but to read a bit and get encouraged, but felt the need to post. A few years ago I was able to stop drinking for about four months. Last year I went about three weeks without drinking, but went right back to it. I had been doing my regular nighttime binge drinking, every day. But recently, withing the last few months, that has been extended to the day. Then to the morning. As I am sitting here having my morning pick me up, I realized I should really post.
I am a mom of three school age children ( high school and middle school), wife, caretaker to my mother in law with dementia. I also teach many college level classes.
I am also a professional actor, and something that has happened with that has left me particularly alarmed. Knowing your lines is the basic need for an actor, and not something I ever generally worried about. In the past few productions I have done, I had two instances of completely blanking out in terms of knowing what word came next. In front of an audience. Of course we were able to get back on track, but it was terrifying. This has never happened to me in such a big way. Now, I had not been drinking before these performances, but I can only guess that the frequency and regularity of my drinking has had an effect on my ability for recall, even in "sober" times. And this is really, REALLY alarming to me.
So, I guess I am just reaching out here. I am not sure what my plan of action is going to be. I just wanted to take a first step by posting. I know last year this forum was a big help to me. I am scared and anxious about the future. Thank you all for taking the time to read.
NACN

HelenofTroy

Welcome back Needachangenow

Thank you so much for sharing. You are reaching out for help but your post helps me to believe that there is no "normal drinking" to go back to.

I am on day 27 and have found so much support and camraderie in my September group. Why not post in the November group? They will be at the same stage you are and provide lots of support to get you back on track.

And keep posting

Fly N Buy

LIfe opened up for me like a budding flowering when removing alcohol from my life and lives of my family. A plethora of sober opportunities are within reach today. It's was really about the desire and commitment for me. It all starts with those things.

Sound like you have a lot to live for

entropy1964

Alcoholism is progressive so your experience with your condition worsening is normal. And its been my experience that once I admitted alcohol was a problem drinking was never the same again. Surrender didn't keep me sober right away but it did ruin my drinking!

Nonsensical

Been there, done that.

This progression continues until YOU stop it or you die.

Welcome to the fight of your life.

You can do this.

january161992

hi nacn

my testimony is that i had to get into enough pain to become willing to go to aa and follow direction

God bless

Dee74

Hi needachangenow - welcome back

From my experience, I can guarantee you two things - keep drinking and you'll have more and maybe worse cognitive difficulties.

If you quit tho you have every chance of regaining every bit of mental sharpness you once had...and more besides

There's a whole mess of other benefits too...why not face the fear and take the plunge into full time recovery...what have you got to lose?

D

Anna

Welcome back!

It's alarming to note the physical problems that alcohol causes in our lives. And, it's alarming that alcoholism always gets worse, unless we stop. I'm glad you are ready to stop drinking. Reading here and posting is always an inspiration for me.

Needachangenow

Yes, It is certainly not getting better I had never ever in my life before recently had drink in the morning. So, that is new.
I have also been having a lot of anxiety, so I am in a spiral...I take a drink to help with the anxiety, but then the drinking makes me have more anxiety.
My connection with this site helped in the past. I am wondering now if I need to think about something like AA. I have never been to a meeting, and it makes me so nervous.

Delilah1

Hello,

Glad you are here and posting. I have ten and a half months sober now, and this site has been my biggest support.

Anxiety gets better with sobriety, you can do this.

Nonsensical

+1

Search this forum for posts about people being anxious about going to their first AA meeting. I've seen dozens of them. A very high percentage report back they are very happy they went and they don't know why they were so scared to go in the first place.

I'm not an AAer. Their methods aren't the path to success for everyone, but there is no reason not to go and check it out for yourself.

Yogini1603

My goodness the progression, yes I absolutely relate. I started as a Friday - Sunday drinker with friends, then brought alcohol into my home and drank every night, then all of a sudden I was getting up at 8am, drinking alcohol and itching for the off license to open at 11am so I could get a top up.

I think it's great you are here. There is so much support!

I'm doing 90 meetings in 90 days in AA. There are a lot of other options but I'm just going to put it out there that support has been absolutely key for me. Reach out whenever you need to!

PhoenixJ

I listened to an AA speaker that described not remembering conversations with his wife. He was awake- just no memory. He actually said he had a blackout. Perhaps you need to see a doctor and get a complete physical?