Guilt go away

Old 10-07-2004, 10:01 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Gracey
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Guilt go away

I want to try it on my own......I want to put him on shelf for awhile, and if I dont like It I want to take him back down........I keep hearing I ruined his life, I cant live without my daughter....I have ruined him financialy, I will have to pay child support....I wont be able to make it without you........I need you......if it wasnt for you I would probably be in jail somewhere.......how do you let go of the guilt......

Taking care of him, is no longer taking care of me or my children.......It is really hard to let someone down isnt it.....even though I have been let down for so many years........
 
Old 10-07-2004, 10:39 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
Sounds like a good bit of quacking....

Just do what you think you should do. Maybe it would be best to take a break from him for a while. The chaos is not good.
sdp is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 11:09 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Javatown
Posts: 92
Is including him with your life today count as a partner or additional child?


CrazyRed is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 11:10 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
lilly54's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 33
he is playing on your guilt so you will stay..maybe you should go away for the weekend and see how you feel then.
lilly54 is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 11:13 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Gracey
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
A child
 
Old 10-07-2004, 11:33 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
 
Petunia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Gracey,

You're exactly where you need to be today. There is a reason that a baby first learns to situp, then crawl, then walk, then run. We need the time for our mind and our bodies to catch up with each other. At some point they do and then we're making progress.

You're exactly where you need to be for today. I try to look at it as "what is the next best thing that I can do right now?" Patience by dear. You're on the road with many other travelers.

Peace,
Petunia
Petunia is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 01:28 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lorelai's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
Gracey,
People told me this many times and I never really understood it:

When it's time to leave, you'll know it.

It was hard to be patient and I wasn't really sure I'd ever get to that point. I just had to trust what they were saying and keep on working on me.

Now, I can say with absolute certainty - When it's time to leave, you'll know it.

I wish that I had taken all of that energy I used trying to figure out whether to stay with him or not and used it to work on myself and work my program.

There is no reason to feel guilty about doing what is right for you.
Hugs - L
Lorelai is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 01:57 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Javatown
Posts: 92
Gracey!

We are all here for you.

~Red
CrazyRed is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 01:58 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: MN
Posts: 103
OH WOW.....are we living the same life...just when I think "ok things are good" all H___ breaks loose! I want to get off the roller coaster but I don't know how....the manipulation hurts me when I try to take care of just me!! becasue he makes me feel like crap because I refuse to "take care of him " (ie go to the liquor store, hang out at the bar etc.) then becasue I do something for myself I am neglecting him ...and the biggest is my money is OUR money but his is his!!??? I want a partner not another child!!! (sorry had to vent)
Shel is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 02:19 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
jojo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Gracey -

I just read your other post too. You have become so overwhelmed with your situation that you don't seem capable of making any decisions. If your kids don't do as you ask them to - punish them. Take something away from them - tv, allowance, etc. Make there be consequences for their actions or lack thereof. You are not responsible for your husband. He is a big boy capable of taking care of himself if he wants to. Trying to put the guilt on you is a load of crap. Don't listen to him. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. Once you make the decision that your well being and that of your kids is more important than taking the constant abuse of your husband, you will find it much easier to make the moves you need to improve all of your lives.

You will know when and if it is time to go but in the meantime, start taking the steps you need to make so that you will be ready.

Hugs, Jo
jojo is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 04:02 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
JT
Supply Manager
 
JT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
You would not be letting him down. You would be letting yourself down if you did not live the best life that you could. With him or without him.

And it is not up to you what kind of life he has. He seems to be making that choice just fine all by himself.

Hugs,
JT
JT is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 04:17 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Learning to smile again...
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 5
I'm new here and I just wanted to say that you sound like you're talking about my life. I'm am so exhausted of taking care of him and his needs.
Sad&Tired is offline  
Old 10-07-2004, 04:37 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
DenYES's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: MA
Posts: 9
I'm learning that it does absolutely no service to those I love if I take care of their needs and ignore my own. I'm just learning this and sometimes I still struggle with living it. If you're feeling guilty, try to think of it this way .. if you continue on in the same old pattern, it is then that you truly let him down .. and, most of all, yourself. You don't do you, your children, or even him any good by continuing on in the same routine. You have to break the cycle.

Don't let his emotional accusatory rantings manipulate you into unjust feelings .... you don't deserve it .. you've nothing to feel guilty about .. guilt is a deadly, self-destructive emotion. Guilt be damned. Yes, it's another of the God given emotions we're blessed with .. yes, blessed ... as we need all of these to learn life's lessons. Break free from the paralysis and grow as the beautiful person you are.
DenYES is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:09 AM.