MarkM1

Time and time again, my brother brings up our hopes up, he has been drinking non stop for the last 3 months, however we as a family always relied on him getting detoxed. One of our family members is a nurse and she speeded up the process, however I never thought he was ready. He has now finished his detox and is back to drinking. Its hard for me to see my mum and dad so distraught, but I can't handle it and starting to think it would be easier to just accept the worst and disown him completely? We have been running around daft after him for the last 3 months and I think he has been too comfortable with that to be honest.. I always feel guilty at the prospect of not speaking to him again in case he dies, which seems to be more likely as each day passes, I'm finding it really hard to accept this reality hence why its hard for me to just abandon him :\ , any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks! Mark.

dandylion

Mark...you don't have to disown him. clearly, you love him....
The alcoholic can hurt the ones that love them so badly.....that we have to continue to love them from a distance......

Maudcat

Hey, Mark. Welcome. I, too, have a brother who has been known to behave badly. Al-Anon has been a great source of support with regard to managing my anger and resentment. You don't have to disown your brother, but you can stop responding to his craziness. Just stop. Don't answer the texts, phone when the next crisis comes. Your brother will find his way clear. Alcoholics always do. What is harder is how your parents react. It is the hardest thing in the world, I believe, for a parent to turn his/her back on a struggling child. Even when they know that they are not helping, but enabling. I hope you will keep coming back to this site and this forum. There is lots of support here. Good luck.

DoubleDragons

Hi Mark. I went no contact with my alcoholic mother and enabling father about 8-9 months ago. For me, it is the right choice for me for right now. One day at a time. I have made it very clear to them that I love them, that I will be there for them if they work on sincere recovery or in the case of a dire emergency. However, it is no longer good for me to have them as a regular part of my life while the alcoholism is still active. I have not "disowned" them. They are my parents and I love them. You might want to give yourself a time limit to take "a break" from your brother and his drama to clear your head. You'll better know where you stand after a break.

totfit

I agree with the "not dis-owning". You just don't have to own or play into the BS. Step back and let the chips fall where they will. He will sober up or he won't, but let him be. Hopefully, he will come to the realization for himself at some point and get better.

atalose

Instead of thinking of distance as abandoning him try thinking of it as allowing a full grown man to make his own choices in life, good or bad.

See I learned here on SR that we can abandon kitties, puppies and babies but not full grown adults.

Distance is not abandoning, its self- care from the effects of someone else’s drinking.

How about al-anon? Have you and your parents thought about seeking help for yourselves in dealing with this?

It’s so hard, we reach that point that we feel we have no other choice then to throw our arms up in the air and say I give up! But there are many other tools and healthy ways that we can learn to lessen the impact from someone else’s drinking.