Newf1973

So my boyfriend whom I don't live with just attended a rehab centre for 25 days, was sober for 26; the longest period of sobriety in years. He felt good, was getting his affairs in order, went to an after care meeting; things were looking up finally! The on day 27 he had one beer, came home and told me and said he was proud of himself and thought I would be. I wasn't, I left. Next day he still didn't see a problem with having just one, day after hit the liquor store as soon as it opened. He called me and told me that he made a mistake. I apologized for getting upset and thought we would move on....wrong! He is telling me that he isn't drinking today, I know for a fact he was at the liquor store when it opened. I told him that I am done, that I can't let his drinking take over my life any more than it has. Now he says that I don't understand and it's just a slip. I stood my ground, and when he called and asked me to help him out today I said no. now I feel like somehow I am kicking him when he is down. Please tell me I am doing the right thing? Just some background; he drinks 40 oz bottle a day, has seizures, has lost his job, can only see his child supervised and has been told by his doctor if he doesn't stop that he will soon die. Sorry for the long post, but I feel lost

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholics cling to their enablers so it's not surprising. Yes, you absolutely did the right thing, there is nothing you can do or say that will affect his drinking but you must save yourself. A big hug!

tomsteve

Newf, youre not kicking him when hes down, so throw out the ass kikin machine youre using on yourself.
just a slip...slips happen on ice. he drank.period. saying that that was the longest sobriety period in years has me believing you've been dealing with this for some time.


do you want to get dragged down further?

dandylion

Newf.....I think you did the RIGHT thing!
I know, so well, that it feels hard.
Your first responsibility is to take care of yourself....
You are dealing with the disease of alcoholism which doesn't care a twit about you or the alcoholic.....

Resist feeling guilty, with all your might. You can't help him...he has to face it himself......
Don't listen to any of his "quacking".....
Quacking is a word that we have, around these parts, when the alcoholic is saying stupid, illogical, provocative, blaming, rationalizing kinds of stuff.....
Just picture them like a little duck quacking it's head off.....a lot of sound and fury--going nowhere....lol.....

Maudcat

You are doing the right thing. Sadly, alcoholics are always in search of enablers, the people or person who is there for them, who loves them no matter what, who provides them with a place to drink and helps them in so many ways. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you sure can't control it. If I read your post correctly, Newf, your SO had one day sober before picking up again. One day. He is not ready to quit yet. Last thing: alcohol-dependent people are really, really good at making their loved ones feel like it is their fault that the drinker drinks. It isn't. They drink because they can't not drink. . Good luck. Stay strong. No one needs an alcoholic in their lives.

DoubleDragons

I saw this quote once that resonated with me:

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish that we didn't.

I am so sorry for your pain, but you already know that you did the right thing.

Newf1973

You guys are the best! I have only ever posted here once before, I usually just read the posts that seem to fit my situation. It's good knowing that I'm not the only one and to have someone reinforce that I am in fact doing the right thing. You have no idea the good you have just done for me. Thank you all!

Smarie78

Learn not to be surprised or find rationale in the irrational. My Abf can literally go from having the greatest day in the world feeling so positive about his sobriety and ready to take on the world, to falling right off the wagon only moments later. They lie. They cheat. They can have everything going for them and be on the right track and then it's gone. Until they make a real commitment to sobriety they will continue to relapse.

I have watched the man I once love (and still do), say the same broken promises, but not once have I seen him DO anything differently so until then, expect the same results. Pay attention to what they DO, not what they SAY. And go to Alanon and get your strength back to do what you must do. I have been feeling responsible for the A in my life for so long all the while I am the sick one who is suffering.

He may never stop and so far hasn't really shown a desire to. Walk away - your life is not a donation.