Help me help him...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 3
Help me help him...
How do I help my boyfriend? He binges and tries to push me away, he doesn't want me dealing with this. When he is drunk he will always try to break up with me because he says, "You don't deserve this". He admits he needs help but he is not seeking it. I know I can't make him, I have to wait until he is ready. What do I do in the meantime? I am just trying to stay supportive and keep him safe. I don;t want to leave him, I believe at some point he will be ok. What do I do while I wait? I don't want to nag too much, I don't want to ignore it either. Please give me some advice.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome. I second atalose's advice. You should consider, too, whether what you think of as "supportive" might not be enabling behavior--that he knows you will patiently wait while he continues to drink. Not that leaving him would get him sober--we just aren't that powerful. But having a "supportive" partner can feed into the denial that his drinking is destroying his life.
You really have no way of knowing whether "at some point he will be OK." It could be years or decades before that happens. It might never happen. In the meantime, what happens to YOUR life?
You really have no way of knowing whether "at some point he will be OK." It could be years or decades before that happens. It might never happen. In the meantime, what happens to YOUR life?
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Unfortunately, you can't help him. He has to help himself. Likely, he also knows himself which is why he is pushing you away. The best thing you can do is focus on helping yourself. Unfortunately, waiting around for him to "get better" may be waiting for something that never happens. While I hope that not to be true, it is a fact. Take care of yourself. Wish both of you the best, though that does not necessarily mean in a relationship, but in life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,980
Welcome Boomer. I am glad you found us and hope you find lots of support here.
As everyone has said before, the sad reality of alcoholism/addiction is no one can help the user; the more you leave them to it, the sooner they will hit bottom . . .if they have a bottom which unfortunately some don't.
Please read all you can on codependency, try a couple of Alanon meetings and get yourself a copy of Codependent No More..
I suspect that what we are telling you is not what you want to know and super painful to hear. However it is the truth we have all faced in some form or another. . . and it is beyond painful.
Take good care of yourself and let us know how you get on.
As everyone has said before, the sad reality of alcoholism/addiction is no one can help the user; the more you leave them to it, the sooner they will hit bottom . . .if they have a bottom which unfortunately some don't.
Please read all you can on codependency, try a couple of Alanon meetings and get yourself a copy of Codependent No More..
I suspect that what we are telling you is not what you want to know and super painful to hear. However it is the truth we have all faced in some form or another. . . and it is beyond painful.
Take good care of yourself and let us know how you get on.
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