Maggie0119

This is where I go wrong. I am going to be honest which is very hard for me. I picked up a beer. I do not know why. I need to dump the other one that I have out but can't seem to make myself do it. Am I just not trying hard enough? It seems that if I get one drop of alcohol in my system I am done for and this I know. Has anyone ever been in this situation? What the heck is wrong with me? What have all of you done that kept you sober the first few days?

JP519

I hear you, Maggie, I am on day one and my mind is racing making sure I do not buy any wine today. Right now I am sticking close to SR and planning on a long walk and even cleaning!!!
Do your best to dump the beer, you will take pride in doing that

Maggie0119

It is gone. I actually made food for lunch and ate it. Not something I always do. Thank you and good luck to you.

D122y

Maggie,

What motivated me to stay sober for a few days initially was drinking myself sick.

After years of that cycle, I think my pancreas started to act up. This caused severe panic attacks or something.

I eventually nearly crashed my car, w my son in the pax seat. I also had a panic attack while driving home from work....my Co worker, who has a huge gossip problem, was w me.

So...that motivated me to quit.

Once I was about a month clean, I started feeling like thing we're wrong in my brain. I felt unsteady walking and driving. This lasted for several months...getting a bit better every day.

That was my motivation to stay quit, and never drink again.

I don't like brain altering any more.

Thanks.

entropy1964

Good on ya for tossing the booze. There is no easy way to do this, but it is simple. Ya just don't drink, one day at a time. Have you tried any kind of F2F support?

sleepie

Way to go Maggie good for you.

That's how it is... the whole "One is too many a hundred is never enough"... one drop and it begins.

You did great

Sassygrace

One drop and it begins...

I so need to remember that

Oh, and thank you for sharing. Awesome that you poured it out. I'm sitting here conflicted because there is still a part of me that wants to have one. Even though I know it won't help and won't be enough.

OpioPhobe

I have been in that situation many times. What you describe is an excellent summary of what it is like to be an alcoholic. Once the first drop hit me all bets were off. I mustered up all the willpower I possibly could, but alcohol always won. I didn't want to drink any more and I knew it was stupid to do so. None of that mattered though. I drank anyway when any sane person would have stopped. I was powerless over alcohol.

The first few days were excruciating. Have you thought about going to a detox? Have you tried going to AA/NA meetings?

theVman31

"Its the first drink that gets you drunk"
Take care Maggie.

Maggie0119

Thank you for your response. It was helpful. The whole site is helpful. I think I just need to be honest with myself. I like you am drinking myself sick. It is awful but also scary. I just can't do it and I just can't handle the anxiety and depression any longer. I would like to share my story but I just am not ready. Although it sounds like from other posts that things should slowly get better depending on if I can manage to stay sober it is hard for me to see that right now.

entropy1964

Been there big time Maggie. When I entered treatment about 90 days ago I was in a desperate place. Although sadly I've been very desperate before and it seems there is always a lower low. But I have to hope that I can make it.

I know I have to fully accept that alcohol has won. I won't drink today and frankly today is all that counts.

It most definitely gets better. Not always as fast or as peacefully as I'd like but it does get better.

5upersonic

What did it for me was the realisation that a few drinks can only bring frustration, leading to a lot of drinks and a world of pain. Playing the tape forward is a really helpful tool.

Glad you ditched that beer, good for you.

aasharon90

I can't drink alcohol if it is not in my
home. So if anything makes me angry,
gets me stressful etc. at home then I
wont get drunk and be filled with remorse
or regret.

If I wanted to drink then I would
have to physically drive away from
my home and walk into a store to
purchase it, then return to drink
it.

Of course ive done that in the past
and couldn't wait till I got home to
open the bottle of poison and drink
it. I had to open it in the car, guzzle
it then drive home under the influence.

By the time you have a thought
to drink and go out to buy it, then
you have bought you enough time
to change old, unhealthy behavior
to better, healthier ones.

A healthier change, a healthier action
will and can help you remain sober one
more day and for many more of them
down the road.

A healthier action would be to either
call someone to help. Someone who
will be stronger, supportive, and
understands addiction and the affects
of alcohol on ones mind and body.

That is just one helpful suggestion amongst
so many other ones that folks in recovery
willing to share with those struggling with
addiction.

Keep asking for more helpful suggestions
from fellow SR members to guide you each
step you take in recovery and sobriety to
remain sober one day at a time.

Dee74

It's very hard to throw out a beer, so congratulations

There's so much support here tho - next time why not try to post here before you even buy the beer? We can help

D

JP519

Hi Maggie, thought I'd check in to see how you are doing.
I didn't 'complete' day one as I had hoped but I didn't drink as much as I normally do so I am taking that as a tiny victory and using it as motivation. I was fine until about 7:30 last night, my mistake was buying bottle of wine yesterday. But today is a new day, had a good sleep, had my lemon water this morning and am enjoying a coffee as I get ready for work. Hope you have a great Monday

Mountainmanbob

We need to learn that for us drunks alcohol is the great deceiver.

Booze to me is the Liquid Devil.

It's not good to be with the devil.

M-Bob

Verdantia

Hi Maggie,
One sip and it was off to the races for me. Once I start I cannot stop, so I can't take that first drink. Sending you best wishes. You can do this! Be gentle with yourself.

Maggie0119

I am on my second day without alcohol. Actually, I had one beer three days ago and would you believe my addiction wants me to think that I have 3 days sober but I really don't. I have a hard time being honest even with myself. I am not sure what to write because I feel really confused right now. I just know that I do not want to continue drinking because I am slowly killing myself. I am in my late 40s and have drinking off and on, no actually I have been drinking for the last 16 years. I am just really tired and scared. Scared I am going to drink tomorrow, then I am going to get sick and die. I have read some incredible posts on this site that have really helped. One thing that keeps showing up is to have a "plan". Do I just map out what I am going to do all day tomorrow and stick to it?

joandmelandhan

Hi Maggie. I hope you're still okay. In terms of a plan I am by no means an expert but in these early days my plan involves keeping me safe. Planning danger places and times. Yes plan each day out (in steady manageable chunks) but also have additional tools for danger times. For example I've not been to a store alone since I got sober 16 days ago. I only get petrol from the station that doesn't sell alcohol and get to 3 AA meetings per week (as my childcare situ allows). I'm not changing anything else yet as this is enough for me now. After a month I'll work on a diffetent plan to make more positive changes (assuming I get there fingers crossed). Take care xxx

Dee74

There's some great info and advice on plans here Maggie:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html