The big plan is finally in motion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, SoCal
Posts: 561
The big plan is finally in motion
Hello SR friends,
I can always count on you.
I am checking in. The last time I posted I was pretty miserable. I felt like an utter failure at life. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and my pity party was definitely embarrassing and obnoxious. I was wondering why in the world I couldn't just get sober and stay sober. And why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to be different? Sulking and being very nauseating, even to myself.
Well, hello? I didn't stay sober because I did absolutely nothing. I didn't plan anything.
I decided... well, okay, FORCED to decide (but it still counts) to do something about this destructive addiction of mine. Instead of doing nothing and hoping it goes away (which sounded like a good idea at the time, however, it didn't work) I have been proactive in my recovery.
Most importantly, realizing I am a danger to myself and others by drinking and driving, I voluntarily installed an interlock system in my car. If my BAC is anywhere over 0 my car will NOT start. Plus it makes a terrible incessant honking sound which is really loud and obnoxious and pisses the neighbors off. It is a great relief to know that no matter what stupid decisions I make, I will never again drink and drive. It is not even an option.
I have a weekly addiction therapist I see. I am also enrolled in an outpatient program that meets three times a week for three hours each day. They drug test you and they often have random drug tests. I also have a sponsor and am committed to two meetings a week.
In addition, I cannot be alone. My parents actually forced this on me. I fought long and hard for my independence but I just can't do it alone. For the next four months I will either spend the night with my parents. I can only go home if my boyfriend is home from work.
If I really wanted to drink I could find a way but I will have a hard time hiding it considering there is nowhere to hide. Perhaps I need this right now. My determination often waivers and I feel safe knowing that I can't turn back now.
Thanks to you all for your kind words, your advice, and especially listening to me when I'm obnoxiously whining.
I can always count on you.
I am checking in. The last time I posted I was pretty miserable. I felt like an utter failure at life. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and my pity party was definitely embarrassing and obnoxious. I was wondering why in the world I couldn't just get sober and stay sober. And why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to be different? Sulking and being very nauseating, even to myself.
Well, hello? I didn't stay sober because I did absolutely nothing. I didn't plan anything.
I decided... well, okay, FORCED to decide (but it still counts) to do something about this destructive addiction of mine. Instead of doing nothing and hoping it goes away (which sounded like a good idea at the time, however, it didn't work) I have been proactive in my recovery.
Most importantly, realizing I am a danger to myself and others by drinking and driving, I voluntarily installed an interlock system in my car. If my BAC is anywhere over 0 my car will NOT start. Plus it makes a terrible incessant honking sound which is really loud and obnoxious and pisses the neighbors off. It is a great relief to know that no matter what stupid decisions I make, I will never again drink and drive. It is not even an option.
I have a weekly addiction therapist I see. I am also enrolled in an outpatient program that meets three times a week for three hours each day. They drug test you and they often have random drug tests. I also have a sponsor and am committed to two meetings a week.
In addition, I cannot be alone. My parents actually forced this on me. I fought long and hard for my independence but I just can't do it alone. For the next four months I will either spend the night with my parents. I can only go home if my boyfriend is home from work.
If I really wanted to drink I could find a way but I will have a hard time hiding it considering there is nowhere to hide. Perhaps I need this right now. My determination often waivers and I feel safe knowing that I can't turn back now.
Thanks to you all for your kind words, your advice, and especially listening to me when I'm obnoxiously whining.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Jade- so glad to hear from you and hear about all this. I know it must seem like a LOT on you....yet a hopeful "lot," too? You have practical things in place - safeguards and tools you need now- and you have a great support system. I am very happy to hear all of that. What you have created- YOU created- is a world where you have the odds in your favor of staying sober.
I'll look forward to hearing how your situation and sobriety progress and change and what you will surely be doing in your new life, and sooner than you think.
Good luck.
I'll look forward to hearing how your situation and sobriety progress and change and what you will surely be doing in your new life, and sooner than you think.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Listening to Recovery Speaker Messages helped me during my long gut-wrenching, hanging-on period until the miracle happened and the obsession did not grip me incessantly.
Do a web search for Recovery Speaker Messages. There are many sites with free recordings. Just be open-minded ... you do not have to agree with all of them ... it is often said that addiction centers in the mind, so our minds have to change anyway ... doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is one very good definition of ... insanity
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
Do a web search for Recovery Speaker Messages. There are many sites with free recordings. Just be open-minded ... you do not have to agree with all of them ... it is often said that addiction centers in the mind, so our minds have to change anyway ... doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is one very good definition of ... insanity
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
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