pain
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 157
pain
Hi all,
Been a tough week and a half for me and my lovely bride. Her Mother past away, after a long fight with overran cancer, funeral was earlier in week.
Pain, I know physical pain, when I played football I actually enjoyed the pain of a hard fought win, busted up knuckles, sore ribs deep....really deep bruises, pain was well something you just learn to deal with, get broken heal a little and keep on going. When your bell gets rung, cold water on the head and get yer arse back onto the field.
Mental pain, wow this MF is totally different, being sober now I see how emotions, loss, and being alone can hurt more than broken bones. My dear sweet wife, is beside herself, she has so many regrets, so many things she wanted to tell her Mom, but that time is over.
When I was a drunk, I would have left her alone, a hug and kiss and off to the bar, or bottle, getting wasted I could numb myself from others pain. Now being sober I can not, but I've learned to listen, to hold, to hug, and to support her, being sober I've become a better man.
I've learned, how to listen....I mean really listen, to feel her heart and protect her when I can as she would do the same for me, but before I was always drunk and didn't see her pain.
I'm writing this as my bride of 18 years sleeps, cat curled in her lap, she cried she talked she vented and I was here the whole time.
I didn't drink, didn't want to drink, but was not prepared to see how life is sober, it is amazing.
A friend at AA told me being sober is like a dog seeing a rainbow, dogs don't see color but they know something amazing when it happens, I feel like that now, without the booze, I feel so much more alive, useful, and able to help.
I'm rambling a bit and maybe this makes no sense to anyone but me, I just had to tell someone, being sober is amazing, please everyone keep the strength and let's do this, we are good people once the haze of booze is gone.
Love ya,
Mick the knuckle dragging sober man. :-)
Been a tough week and a half for me and my lovely bride. Her Mother past away, after a long fight with overran cancer, funeral was earlier in week.
Pain, I know physical pain, when I played football I actually enjoyed the pain of a hard fought win, busted up knuckles, sore ribs deep....really deep bruises, pain was well something you just learn to deal with, get broken heal a little and keep on going. When your bell gets rung, cold water on the head and get yer arse back onto the field.
Mental pain, wow this MF is totally different, being sober now I see how emotions, loss, and being alone can hurt more than broken bones. My dear sweet wife, is beside herself, she has so many regrets, so many things she wanted to tell her Mom, but that time is over.
When I was a drunk, I would have left her alone, a hug and kiss and off to the bar, or bottle, getting wasted I could numb myself from others pain. Now being sober I can not, but I've learned to listen, to hold, to hug, and to support her, being sober I've become a better man.
I've learned, how to listen....I mean really listen, to feel her heart and protect her when I can as she would do the same for me, but before I was always drunk and didn't see her pain.
I'm writing this as my bride of 18 years sleeps, cat curled in her lap, she cried she talked she vented and I was here the whole time.
I didn't drink, didn't want to drink, but was not prepared to see how life is sober, it is amazing.
A friend at AA told me being sober is like a dog seeing a rainbow, dogs don't see color but they know something amazing when it happens, I feel like that now, without the booze, I feel so much more alive, useful, and able to help.
I'm rambling a bit and maybe this makes no sense to anyone but me, I just had to tell someone, being sober is amazing, please everyone keep the strength and let's do this, we are good people once the haze of booze is gone.
Love ya,
Mick the knuckle dragging sober man. :-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,982
Great post Mick.
I'm with you on the physical pain being almost enjoyable compared to non-physical pain. I've occasionally fantasized about someone beating me when things were rough as it was easier to deal with the kind of hurt that came from blows than the pain that comes from broken relationships, shame, loss and being powerless.
I'm with you on the physical pain being almost enjoyable compared to non-physical pain. I've occasionally fantasized about someone beating me when things were rough as it was easier to deal with the kind of hurt that came from blows than the pain that comes from broken relationships, shame, loss and being powerless.
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