ToBeHappier

Been up and down for years. What was your changing point? What does it take.? What clicked for you? Reality seems to be that some make it. Love that! I think many don't and we basically just quit hearing from them. What makes one take the better way?

Dee74

Acceptance for me.

Acceptance that my relationship with alcohol was toxic and always would be.

Acceptance that I was not a normal drinker - I always drank to get oblivious - so I had nothing to go 'back to'.

Acceptance it was the first drink that brings me undone, not the last.

Acceptance that I could be who I wanted to be,m and live the kind of life I wanted to lead...or I could drink...but never both.

I had to choose.
D

ToBeHappier

"Had to choose". That's it, I suppose. Just coming to grips with the fact that the wrong choice most likely leads to death or something as bad. That's a tough but real realization. Scary that many of us walk that path, willingly or otherwise.

least

I was sick to death of waking up feeling horrible and hating myself. I just couldn't do it one more day.

Mick75

For me, well I hated everything was sick and tired of drinking, I guess in the fight with alcohol I didn't have any punches left. I knew I could not stop drinking if I didn't stop drinking.

FreedomCA

I had to change because my life was becoming so consumed with alcohol that I knew I could not live this way anymore.

A more specific thing is that I have worked so hard throughout my life to finally have the career that I do, and I don't want to mess it up. There is no way I can do the work that I do if I continued to drink, it would be a complete mess.

I am married to an alcoholic, and there is no way it would continue to work if both of us were drinking, so I am the one who stopped since I don't think he is ready.

But, like I said before, I reached a point in which I just could not be self sufficient if I continued to drink.

Fly N Buy

Sick and tired of being sick and tired - maybe trite, but true. With prompting from those closest to me I took that first step. A day - a week - a month. Slowly the narrative changed. Hope of something different and the faith to seek help.

Grace fueled willingness.

january161992

getting thrown into a locked psych ward at a year sober

helped me REALLY understand the unmanageability of my life

then i could move forward with the steps

Delilah1

On NYE I was drinking champagne and as I filled my glass yet again I told myself I really needed to be done. I woke up January 1st with a huge hangover and knew I was done feeling like that.

I had been alternating between short bouts of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation for three years, and I finally put the work into recovery that I really needed to.

My plan consists of SR, mindfulness, journaling, exercise, and when all else fails playing the tape through. Ihave never woken up regretting being sober.

You can do this, and I promise sobriety is worth it!!

OpioPhobe

Pain...so much pain that I couldn't go on living. My lowest point was a failed suicide attempt. I had nothing left to lose after that, and devoted myself to recovery. That was about 15 months ago, and life is pretty good now.

soberlicious

I attempted suicide. Everything changed after that.

SweatyHands

There were several things, but put simply--revulsion. I thought that I had hit my bottom years earlier, but that bottom was about 16 floors above my real bottom. After coming to after two lost days blacked out on vodka and pills, a friend called the cops to check on me because I wouldn't come to the door or answer my phone/texts. The next day, I barely managed to drag myself to the store (walking) to get a case of beer to try to come down slow. After about six beers, and knowing that I wasn't going to stop drinking, I called my sister and took her up on a standing offer to fly out to where I live to help me detox safely.

In my revulsion, I had momentary flashes of clarity, where I knew that I wanted to be sober and healthy, to be the husband that my wife originally married, to get back into graduate school, to be present for my clients, and to try to start living my life, instead of watching myself slowly die.

She showed up late Sunday night. By Thursday, I was beginning my last day one. It was absolute hell getting there. But as much as I suffered in that final detox, it was nothing compared to the constant dull pain and simmering self-hatred of being a dying alcoholic.

teaorcoffee

The realisation that I need more than just the will to do this but a plan to get through the awkward moments and identify times of greatest temptation

MissPerfumado

It was a combination of things. A big one was the warning signs for my health: the ache in my right side, the increased heart rate, the shaking hands, the incessant sweating, the gagging in the mornings as I brushed my teeth ...

And then in the final few weeks, there was the unmistakeable feeling that things were spiralling out of control. I was finding it hard to drag myself into work in the mornings, I started to call in sick, and at the same time I was miserable in a relationship I was in and there was a lot of drama involved (back and forth phone calls, texts etc.). It felt like I was driving myself off a cliff.

In a way I was. So I finally had to face up to it and stop denying my problem.

I went to see a doctor and sat in her office and admitted it out loud, and from that point on I could not run away from the truth any longer. That was my first day of sobriety.

PhoenixJ

Simple. Sobriety or
1) A pathetic existence in absolute isolation from reality in a hell only I could create
2) Pain, a great deal of it- then a sad, lonely death.

aasharon90

There was an accident in Feb 1990 that
landed me in the hospital for 10 days with
a high alcohol content in my system.

August 1990, after returning to the drink
a month earlier, I tried and wanted to end
my sick and tiredness of everything. Life,
failure to quit alcohol once and for all, etc.

Family stepped in getting me help sending
me into rehab via a court order where I
stayed 28 days with a 6 week outpatient
aftercare to follow up and complete my
program.

They really wanted to send me away to
a halfway house further away from my
little family and with much pleading to
remain where I was they agreed.

Out of fear of being sent further away
from my 2 little ones and marriage I
made a decision with willingness and
openmindedness to do whatever I needed
to do to no be sent away.

Then an ultimatum was placed on me
by my then spouse that if I ever picked
up alcohol again then I would be sent
on my way.

No family, no home, no little one I so
loved and never wanted to hurt.


Shame, fear for all that I put my family
thru when drinking allowed me to do
whatever I needed to do to remain sober
for many one days at a time to get me
where I am today. 26 yrs sober.

Today, my recovery journey continues
passing on my own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my life was
and is like before during and after alcohol
to continue receiving the gifts of the
promises as stated in the BB of AA.

Maudcat

What made me change? It wasn't one big thing; it was a cascade of little things: hiding alcohol, making sure always that I had enough to get through long week-ends, drinking until well into the night, not wanting to go out at night because I didn't want to miss a minute of drinking time and also fear that people would see I was drunk. All of these behaviors finally and inexorably convinced me that I was no longer controlling the alcohol. It was controlling me. You hear about the big AHA moments in a drinker's life. The DUI, the clothes tossed out on the porch by a furious spouse, the job loss, the blackouts. It wasn't like that for me. It was the recognition, sitting on the deck, on a warm summer night, that something, somehow, had to change. I went to an AA meeting the next day. AA didn't resonate long-term, but it sure helped me a lot in the early days.

flame11

Not having any control over my own life or any choices in where my life was heading. Overwhelming fear of what I might be capable of in blackout. Constantly feeling mentally, physically and emotionally ill. Hurting people I love and care for. The daily justifications and lies I would tell myself so I could keep on drinking. Ultimately like Dee said accepting that I have a problem and that I don't have to live this way and if I don't drink I can live the life and be the person I want to be.

STDragon

MissPerfumado - I never thought of 'gagging in the mornings as I brushed my teeth' as a symptom of my drinking but that was me too. Also the ache in my right side.

Everyone here listed the same or similar reasons to why I quit.

ToBeHappier - "most likely leads to death."
least - "sick to death of waking up feeling horrible"
Mick75 - "sick and tired of drinking ... could not stop drinking if I didn't stop drinking."
Delilah1 - "failed attempts at moderation..."

I hated the control it had over me. I would count my beers and tell myself I had enough to 'survive' the next day. Survive? !?!

I would berated myself every morning for drinking the night before.

This continued for years, even in spite of the fear of what I was doing to my health. How stupid!

One day I felt so bad inside I didn't drink for fear what I had finally done to myself. At that moment, something 'clicked' like I finally grew up.

Mountainmanbob

# 1 -- I was sick and tired of being sick and tired -- of myself.

#2 -- I was once again in trouble with the law, family, friends and neighbors.


M-Bob