Funkygrapefruit

Hi everyone!

Here is my story: I come from a family of alcoholics. My dad and two brothers are alcoholics. All of them are sober now, by at least 8 years. I still drank. Not every night, not really, really bad, but consistently. Enough that it would get me in trouble and no doubt I was doing some serious damage to my liver. I was back in school and busy, so my drinking went down to the weekends. I swore I was going to quit.

Last weekend, on my way home, I was pulled over and got a DUI (BAC=.11). Luckily, no one was hurt. It was not the first time I drank intoxicated, as many of you I'm sure can identify with. Let me tell you, there is a permanency to having those handcuffs slapped on your wrist. Spent the night in jail. Crying and freezing.

I told my dad, in person, the next morning. He's been amazing supportive. He's been working a good program for over 15 years and didn't judge me. He trooped with me to all the lawyer consultations and hopefully I picked the right one. Though, in the end, I made my mistake. The penalties are SO steep here that I'm just hoping to avoid them.

I hate that addiction can put you in jail, can hurt you so much. I keep trying to think it is good, that with my highly functioning alcoholism, I had the sobriety knocked right into me. I have had zero desire to drink (or eat, or sleep even) since I got pulled over. I know it's only been a week, but it feel permanent.

Tuesday I went to my first AA meeting (a woman's group). The ladies commented on how at ease I seemed. I've been to dozens of meetings on my own and with my father, and never thought about quitting, even though I knew I was hurting myself.

Without going too much into my professional life, this DUI is potentially career ending. I'm praying so hard that it gets dropped. I hate to sound cliche but I really didn't think I was that drunk (A DUI didn't even occur to me when I saw the flashing lights). I am praying it gets thrown out or reduced, but I know that would be a miracle.

I know I'm about to get financially and socially screwed by this, so I'm looking for a place to hang on. I'm going to keep going to the woman's meeting and try to find some others. I live in a small town and really am unprepared to run into my ex-fiancee who attends meetings. I don't want to branch out until I tell him in writing or otherwise that he might see me (he doesn't know about my alcohol problem.

MidnightRider

Welcome Funkygrapefruit (great name !).

Sorry about your situation.

You came to the right place.... You will find a wonderful caring group here.... From all parts of the world. So any time you need a friend .... you got it here.

Funkygrapefruit

Thanks! I figured that I did. I also figure I'm going to be spending a lot of time at home now that I'm afraid to drive. I will probably have a business license for a while. I'm trying not to think too far ahead. One Day at a Time for me.

Maudcat

Welcome, Funkygrapefruit. I am not an attorney, so I can't address your concern about the DUI. I can express sympathy for your situation. I have known people in my group who had gotten DUI's ,and my brother got one. Every situation is different, of course, but I would try not to stress out about it. You have family to help, you are working, and you are very, very remorseful. Things may work out okay. Whatever happens, you have gotten a wake up call that it sounds like you are listening to. That is the most important thing right now. Peace.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

FreedomCA

Hi FG,
Sorry to hear about your DUI, as I have heard from others about the severe consequences, and I have always been so afraid to get one myself if I was still drinking. If this is your first DUI and you have no other criminal history, I would think at worst your profession would put you on probation and make you complete other rehabilitation requirements, but I personally don't think having one DUI at that BAC with no priors would end a career, just my opinion, though.

Getting involved in AA and documenting your attendance will definitely help your case criminally and possibly with your career. Not sure if your charges will be completely dropped since you were breaking the law by driving over the .08 limit, but you may be offered a pretrial diversion program in which the charges will be dropped once you complete certain requirements.

This can be your turning point and make you a better, stronger person if you choose to learn from this experience and stay sober. Good luck!

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!! It is great that you have so much family support. You will also find a huge support network here.

stargazer016

Welcome funkygrapefruit!

Glad to came here to SR! Maybe you can look at this as your personal bottom, and plan on turning things around from here on out. Have a plan and begin to live your life again.

wildflower70

Hello funkygrapefruit,
Every state is different with the penalties for a DUI, and it doesn't have to wreck your career! I hope you will use this as a learning experience, and realize that your drinking is leading you down a path of self destruction....I wish I would have woke up after my 1st DUI.....

I was arrested with a .225 BAC on the 1st, and a .235 BAC on the 2nd, almost one year apart. The scariest part was that I could actually operate a vehicle with this high of a BAC. I spent close to $10,000 on each DUI, with lawyers, alcohol counseling, probation, community service, house arrest, and an interlock device on my car. This process lasted almost three years. I did however manage to stay out of jail.

My journey on the road of destruction continued...I only quit drinking long enough to get through the worst part of my sentencing. While I managed to never get caught drinking and driving again, I spent another 15 years ruining other areas of my life, including my health, my work, and my relationships with family and friends.

Please take it from me...this is not a path you want to take.

Blessings on your journey.

HelenofTroy

Welcome Funky grapefruit

I am going to suggest that you join the November group in the newcomers section. You will find a lot of support with folks who are beginning where you are. I am in the September group and I have gained a lot of strength from the comraderie I've found there. Keep posting

Anna

I hope that you make this a major turning point in your life. Thankfully you didn't hurt yourself or anyone else and that's lucky. Take a look around here and you will find lots of ideas and tips for recovery and you will know that there will always be support for you.

MeSoSober

Thank you for sharing this. I need these reminders that no matter what awfulness our drinking has wrought, if we continue drinking, IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE.

Algorithm

You were extremely fortunate that, having put the public and yourself at grave risk once again, that you did not cause an accident, or injure anyone, including yourself. Property damage is often a best case scenario, and shock trauma is always a possibility.

You must never drink again, as if alcohol were cyanide. Not just for today, and not just until this incident blows over. Given your history, there must be no possibility of a 'next time', because it could be absolutely devastating, and you may not be able to recover.

Regarding the charge, you will probably be referred to an alcohol assessment, where they determine what kind of drinker you are. Do not reveal too much during the assessments, as you did on this forum, since the judge will get a copy of the recommendation, and will necessarily need to be harsher if you are diagnosed as an out-of-control alcoholic.

You want to be diagnosed as a social drinker who made a terrible mistake, who is usually an angel, and who can easily learn to never do this again. Specifically ask your attorney about this, and on how to get started on the assessment and the DUI classes before your trial date. Your attorney probably knows of a provider that is respected by the judges in your jurisdiction, but do your homework on alcohol assessments, and on how they diagnose alcoholism. Tell no one that you have looked at an alcohol assessment before.

You do not want the judge to sentence you to those DUI classes as part of probation, because the judge won't like that you were not proactive in your case, and you won't necessarily be able to control where you have to go, or for how long. This is because the DUI class counselors will continually evaluate you after the official assessment to see if you have passed the required court-ordered treatment.

Those DUI school counselors are usually experienced, skilled interviewers, and they love nothing more than catching people 'in denial' of their alcoholism, or who are just trying to go through the motions. They will be continually evaluating you, while pretending not to be evaluating you, and will ask the same questions in different ways, often pretending to be your friend and advocate.

Most people will fall for the ruse, and will admit to something that proves they are an out-of-control alcoholic in denial. If the counselors have the backing of the courts as part of probation or sentencing, they can usually mandate more treatment, until they are satisfied that you have broken through your denial. You will need to be on guard and careful not to reveal too much the entire time, until you successfully complete the course.

This may sound counter-intuitive to many on a support forum such as this, who may argue for complete honesty, but you are facing criminal charges, and those charges can have serious consequences. You need to be careful not to confuse defending against those criminal charges with getting the alcohol out of your life. The courts are not necessarily sympathetic to alcoholics. They are more interested in getting drunks off the roads, no matter how it upends their lives.

That said, I don't want you to misconstrue my general thoughts on the system as a green light to drink again, in moderation or otherwise. Right now, you are in shock, but that shock will probably pass in time, so you'll want to plan ahead for that eventuality.

Once again, you must never drink again, as if alcohol were cyanide.

Funkygrapefruit

Great advice! And yes, I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I know that even if you're smarter than the evaluators at the DUI school they might still mandate treatment. I'm working hard with my attorney to do things the right way. I even wrote my character letter and if a girl who sings in the choir every weekend and does community service isn't enough, I don't know what is!

I agree with cyanide. It definitely is poison. I feel really confident that I won't drink again, in the same way that when I quit smoking I knew that I wouldn't smoke again. Thank you for the honest words.

Algorithm

What they decide will very much influence the judge, because the judge is not trained in addiction treatment. They will take their findings into consideration, and may defer to their recommendations. You may also be mandated by to attend classes by the motor vehicle department in your state, which is just as tricky.

It's not about being smarter, though, it's about knowing what they look for. Most people simply don't know what they look for. For example, they will certainly ask you about your family, and about previous exposure to AA. It may seem that disclosing that you have three family members with good, long term AA sobriety, and that you had already attended a couple dozen AA meetings is wise, but it is not.

The counselors will conclude that you have inherited alcoholism from your family, and even worse, that you were already well aware of the dangers of alcoholism from your previous exposure to AA, but chose to drink and drive anyway. In other words, that you are definitely an out-of-control alcoholic, in deep denial, and in need of massive doses of treatment and supervision.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Funkygrapefruit!!

CAPTAINZING2000

Good for you for addressing your problem with alcohol.

The laws vary from state to state. Since this was your first one, have you asked your lawyer if he can get you court supervision?
Illinois laws have mandatory Alcohol counseling required along with victim impact meetings as well as a machine in your car for a year.

The important thing is no one was hurt physically from this incident.
Good luck to you

Hevyn

Welcome Funky - we're glad you're here.

I lived in Delaware when I got my DUI. I had a very high bac. It was a first time offense so I got a fine, suspension, & had to go to classes & AA meetings. I was very remorseful when I went to court & had already begun attending meetings - I think that helped.

I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting. We care about you.

OfEpiphany

just plead guilty, accept the fine the judge tosses at you, accept a free public defender. Getting a DUI Lawyer will be a waste of money, the numbers cannot be refuted, that is what the judge is going to look at.

You won't get it dismissed, you blew over the limit, simple as that, if you plead not-guilty, then chances are is that the judge will make things much harder for you.

tl;dr - forego DUI lawyer, just use public defender, plead guilty -

Funkygrapefruit

How right you are! Thank you for the great advice.