Suzieq17

Day 6 sober

Started talking to my husband about a project that's going on in the house. Began to argue about logistics/timeline, etc.

He got frustrated and all I want is a drink.

This happens a lot. We differ on lots of stuff. And when we differ, I want to drink.

I REALLY want a drink. Leaving in a bit to take one of the kids to sports practice, so no drinking....but the craving is strong.

Marissa41

Frustration! Huge trigger.. My husband and my kid can do it. A bad shopping experience. Some idiot on the road? Bad mood=Bad day=Bad triggers for me.
I know I need to change my perspective on these situations. I still have an election hangover.

AnvilheadII

good job on day 6. recovery is about learning how to deal with life on life's terms and NOT drink.

it's likely that it isn't that the arguing MAKES you want to drink, but that over time you found that a super handy excuse TO drink. we don't start out our drinking careers with triggers........we pick them up and fine tune them along the way.

drinking solves NOTHING. not.one.thing.

accept the you two have differing opinions. and that from time to time you probably will argue. just keep the pointy objects safely stored.

and get thee on to sports practice! keep your eyes forward and your feet taking sober steps.

doggonecarl

Congrats on six days. But six days is so very early in the recovery process, nerves are bound to be tight, emotions all over the place. When you get a solid footing on sobriety your ability to cope with your husband will improve, or maybe you'll just be in a better position to discuss your frustrations with him.

Berrybean

HALT. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired.

So, you got irritated and angry about differing opinions? Or upset that you'd argued? Either way - you can't change his reaction. All you can change is you. Sorry if it sounds trite, but acceptance is the key here. And Acceptance isn't about right or wrong, or judgement calls. It's just about thinking "that's just the way he is" rather than entertaining thoughts about what he should be like. That's not something we have any power over.

I know it's tough, my dad is the one who always, without any effort at all, could rile me up and get all my feathers out of place. Then someone said to me. "Beccy, you say he's doing X Y Z. Has he done that before?" (As I'd bitched about him doing X Y Z countless times before, he knew the answer to that one, but I answered anyway. "Yes. He ALWAYS does that!!!") Then he asked me "So why did you think that he was going to be different this time?"
I'm not saying poor old Dad doesn't still irritate me from time to time, but nowadays, when he does, I know it's time to readjust my expectations back onto realistic and likely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change. (Everyone else)
Courage to change the person I am (me, my perceptions, actions and reactions)
And the wisdom to know the diffrence.

Hope you're feeling better today.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

advbike

Early sobriety.. give it time. Later on re- evaluate, the communication will probably improve. OTOH, some people are just like oil and water together.. their personalities don't mix. Always squabbling, irritated, etc.

totfit

Most of the time it is the thing right in front of us most that is the trigger. Remove the husband and it could be the kids. Remove the kids and it would be the frickin mail man or woman. It is just tough at first in even the most ideal setting, after all that would be just too...........ideal. Just keep up the good work and eventually our triggers become just part of our day.

Nowsthetime

Have you researched AVRT?

It really helps when I'm triggered like this. Did you play the tape?

Remember that this will pass and your sober muscles will be stronger.

We can't control others, only ourselves and that's NOTHING that can MAKE you drink. You have the power girl!!!!

Lean on us! We are here to support you.

entropy1964

My daughter can trigger me. She's almost 16, very strong and pretty much argues or opposes whatever I say, no matter what it is. It is a knee jerk reaction for her. If I'm not careful it can really irritate me. Big time. And if my guard is down there can be objection after objection and suddenly I'm all pissed off and no idea how to cool it down. Soooo, knowing what I know, I have to prepare myself. Pick and choose what I say to her, choose my timing as well. Diffuse myself before I even begin talking with her. Not react to things that aren't going to serve a purpose. In other words, control my reactions to her. I can't change what she's doing in the moment (I can talk to her about it at a time she is more likely to receive the message) but I can change how I respond. That's the only option.

FreedomHorse

I totally relate Suzieq17! As everyone has already said, we need to learn to react differently when we feel these feelings and not let that be an excuse to react in a self-harmful way.

When you think about it, it is actually kind of a form of crazy. "I'll show you! I'll pour poison down my throat. Yay, that will show you!"??!?!??!?!?

It might make you feel temporarily better, but not better in the long run (and I mean 1 hour vs. 24). Over 1 year, that is 365 hours feeling a false sense of "good" or numb, compared to the other 8,395 hours.

shell77

How are you feeling today, Suzie? Hope you are feeling better!! (((Hugs)))

Suzieq17

Thanks for all the replies. Lots to think about and learn.

Went to bed early last night. New day today.

Day 7 sober.

Berrybean

Ohhhh yes. So, so much to learn. And all the time we learn and apply what we've learned we get stronger and find more and more peace. We start to like and respect ourselves and others I ways that wasn't possible before. It might just seem like a very rocky, uphill path you're carving out for yourself at the moment, but it really can be the most amazing journey, and actually others walked the path before us and can show us the way.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

tomsteve

lots of learning and what youre experiencing is how ya get to learn.
the great thing is ya didn't drink.

heres a question:
IF the argument about logistics/timeline had been with a contractor rather than your husband, would you still want to drink?

AdelineRose

Congratulations on 7 days sober, that is something to be super proud of!

I have found that in the beginning I used every situation I could as a reason to use. A holiday, a bad day at work, frustration, fighting with someone, being annoyed, being "bored", or just anything or anyone that I associate with using.

I found that the more times you get through those situations sober, the easier it was to deal with those situations. It also helped to have a back up plan- so that when I found myself starting to want to use after a trigger happened, I have set ways to try to use to handle a situation.

Keep moving forward, and don't let anything or anyone bring you down.

Lobrien

Hi all and Suzie. 6 days is very early as someone else said . It takes longer to be able to deal with the usual triggers and there are so many of them! There is always a reason to drink if your a drinker whether it be to celebrate or commiserate. I've only been sober for around 3 months now and had a couple of drinks in this time that didn't lead to relapse and one occasion when it did. I'm also on antidepressants which I find has helped and got rid of the need to self medicate as I have done most of my life. I have filled my life with so many things now I don't even want to drink. There is the more difficult times say socialising with others who drink. I was at my brothers wedding do all day and evening this week and found I actually had a better time sober. I think the longer you stick at it the easier it gets . Good luck Suzie , keep strong

Dee74

Hi Suzie - I dunno if this helps but I used to say people triggered me...what was really happening was my inability to deal with certain aspects of my personal relationships.

My Dad could really set me off - and sometimes he liked to do it deliberately.
I finally accepted I couldn't change that behaviour in him.

I think if you put the focus on you that's something you can do something about?

Think about your frustration, anger, your unease at conflict - what might be other healthier more positive ways to deal with those emoticons?

D