What is wrong with me?! Why again.
fallen angel
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 19
What is wrong with me?! Why again.
I've been reading here for a long time. I had some bad moments but I was mostly staying in line for a long time. The loss of my relationship a long time ago devastated me and I have had some family issues.
I got charged with a third DUI last night. I just lost it. Had a few drinks and decided to drive my car into a pole. I'm not hurt and no one else is. My car is totaled. I was driving on DUI suspension while on probation pending house arrest for my second DUI. I am going to be in very serious trouble. My kids need me and I have let everyone down. I just don't understand why I'm not in jail right now. The cops should have called my PO and reported it. I'm not sure what to do. My car is totaled and I drove it home. They didn't see me drive or in my car but someone called on me. I told them I wanted to go to jail. They said no.
I know I have a problem and I can type here all I want but I never did anything to fix it. No AA. No counseling consistently. For some reason this has affected me differently. I now know that this is out of my hands. I will not have any choice. I owe my lawyer money and I can't call him and I have no idea what the charges are going to be truly. Last night I wanted to die and then I wanted to go to jail. Today I don't want to die or lose my job or go to jail. I feel like something bigger than me intervened last night. I went back to the scene today and I should have never walked out of there at all without a scrape. It was literally a divine intervention.
I am scared to go to jail and lose my job and my kids. I don't k ow what's going to happen but I just know this was the universes way of causing me to wake up and make change. Undeniably, I now have to face the consequences. Please don't judge. Just looking for a few hopeful words and maybe some encouragement that it will be ok someday somehow.
I am seriously done. The party is over and I am cleaning up the mess.
I got charged with a third DUI last night. I just lost it. Had a few drinks and decided to drive my car into a pole. I'm not hurt and no one else is. My car is totaled. I was driving on DUI suspension while on probation pending house arrest for my second DUI. I am going to be in very serious trouble. My kids need me and I have let everyone down. I just don't understand why I'm not in jail right now. The cops should have called my PO and reported it. I'm not sure what to do. My car is totaled and I drove it home. They didn't see me drive or in my car but someone called on me. I told them I wanted to go to jail. They said no.
I know I have a problem and I can type here all I want but I never did anything to fix it. No AA. No counseling consistently. For some reason this has affected me differently. I now know that this is out of my hands. I will not have any choice. I owe my lawyer money and I can't call him and I have no idea what the charges are going to be truly. Last night I wanted to die and then I wanted to go to jail. Today I don't want to die or lose my job or go to jail. I feel like something bigger than me intervened last night. I went back to the scene today and I should have never walked out of there at all without a scrape. It was literally a divine intervention.
I am scared to go to jail and lose my job and my kids. I don't k ow what's going to happen but I just know this was the universes way of causing me to wake up and make change. Undeniably, I now have to face the consequences. Please don't judge. Just looking for a few hopeful words and maybe some encouragement that it will be ok someday somehow.
I am seriously done. The party is over and I am cleaning up the mess.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Thank you for posting lovespell. I am really sorry about what you are going thru. I wish I have some real advice but I am struggling my self. I am happy you are okay it could be worst and your kids need you. Hang in there !
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Hey lovespell,
Yes, you are in serious trouble, regardless what charges may or may not be following.
so it's great you are awake now to this fact, as that gives you the opportunity to make some choices about how to go forward as far as recovering go, though choices about jail or such are not yours to make. but you can grab the chance you have to get supports in place, or make a plan for help with this, and coming here is a great first step.
wow....you signed up here ten years ago and have six posts.....getting really engaged and participating in a forum was one of my main 'tools' in the beginning, and a big help in staying awake, so to speak.
you will find lots of support here, and yes, it can be okay someday. no doubt about that. entirely possible.
stick around, and welcome to you.
Yes, you are in serious trouble, regardless what charges may or may not be following.
so it's great you are awake now to this fact, as that gives you the opportunity to make some choices about how to go forward as far as recovering go, though choices about jail or such are not yours to make. but you can grab the chance you have to get supports in place, or make a plan for help with this, and coming here is a great first step.
wow....you signed up here ten years ago and have six posts.....getting really engaged and participating in a forum was one of my main 'tools' in the beginning, and a big help in staying awake, so to speak.
you will find lots of support here, and yes, it can be okay someday. no doubt about that. entirely possible.
stick around, and welcome to you.
fallen angel
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by FreedomCA 
Sorry you are going through this mess. What about committing to doing 90 meetings in 90 days in AA, finding a sponsor, and working the 12 steps?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
Sorry to hear about your DUI's. I was always petrified of getting one, and that is something I avoided by getting an Uber account. My policy when I was drinking was that I never drove if I had 1 drink, and so I would either have someone drive me or I would pay the money and Uber (which is quite cheap). I also bought a very good breathalizer for $150, thinking that it could possibly be worth the investment, although now it isn't since I have quit drinking. I had that 1 drink policy so that I would avoid having to play roulette if I was ever over the limit, plus I was sometimes pressured to drive by some people, including my mother in law, who felt that I was better off driving than her son who was drinking more than me at the time(but because I had my 1 drink policy, I didn't cave in to that pressure and stuck to my policy).
Anyways, I empathize with your pain about these DUI's. I guess something positive about your situation is that at least you did not hurt anyone, as that would then change the DUI from a misdemeanor to a felony, and then that is serious trouble. Worse even yet, if you had somehow killed someone while getting your DUI, then that could be very long term prison time.
I think you are at a crossroads in your life. I hope you make the right choice. And I do believe that there are people in AA who come and pick you up and bring you to meetings or will come to your house to sponsor you and go through the steps.
My life did not get better and I could not stop drinking until I got involved in AA. Even if you cannot get to a meeting, start reading AA literature (the Big Book, Living Sober, Daily Reflections). You can also probably find an online workbook that will take you through the AA steps online on Amazon or some other place, or google an online workbook for free.
Anyways, I empathize with your pain about these DUI's. I guess something positive about your situation is that at least you did not hurt anyone, as that would then change the DUI from a misdemeanor to a felony, and then that is serious trouble. Worse even yet, if you had somehow killed someone while getting your DUI, then that could be very long term prison time.
I think you are at a crossroads in your life. I hope you make the right choice. And I do believe that there are people in AA who come and pick you up and bring you to meetings or will come to your house to sponsor you and go through the steps.
My life did not get better and I could not stop drinking until I got involved in AA. Even if you cannot get to a meeting, start reading AA literature (the Big Book, Living Sober, Daily Reflections). You can also probably find an online workbook that will take you through the AA steps online on Amazon or some other place, or google an online workbook for free.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Can you contact a local AA member and ask them about giving you a ride to meetings? From what I know they are pretty good about that.
Sorry for what you are going through. I agree about the divine intervention, sweetie. Hang in there. Make this your turning point.
I don't judge you BTW. You can get a lot from this forum right here, so keep reading, posting, and reaching out. I firmly believe that every effort you put into it, you get back at least ten times that amount, if not more.
Sorry for what you are going through. I agree about the divine intervention, sweetie. Hang in there. Make this your turning point.
I don't judge you BTW. You can get a lot from this forum right here, so keep reading, posting, and reaching out. I firmly believe that every effort you put into it, you get back at least ten times that amount, if not more.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 976
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I had a DUI and I was terrified. I "thought"I was ok to drive and after I left the alcohol and my drunkenness just hit me and then I wasn't ok to drive. I remember bits and pieces from that night.
I can say that the DUI FORCED me to wake up and look around. My advice would be to talk to your lawyer or get a court appointed lawyer if you cannot afford one. Is your last DUI finalized through the courts?
Make this YOUR turning point. Nobody was hurt, nobody was killed and for that be thankful. Your life could be very different if it was right now. I don't care what it is, AA, Smart, AVRT, counseling, rehab - THROW yourself into getting help. I don't know what line of work you do, but I would look into what your companies rules are for reporting this to them. If you admit you have a problem right away I think they have to work with you. If you wait and don't tell them it could be a worse scenario.
How old are your kids, do you have any help with them? I too am a single mom with no help from their father physically or financially. My DUI is over with now, but it was a 9 month process for that to happen and lots of hoops to jump through. Buckle down for the long haul and get the help you need to STOP drinking. This will firstly benefit you and will also help satisfy the courts a bit. I am sorry you're here. I remember the first few days feeling like the darkest of my life. It will only get worse if you keep drinking. Without my DUI, I am sure that I would still probably be drinking daily. Let this be a wake up call to you and work on getting your life back.
No judgement here. I was my own worst enemy and I hated myself more than anyone else could at the time. It does get better and their is hope.
I can say that the DUI FORCED me to wake up and look around. My advice would be to talk to your lawyer or get a court appointed lawyer if you cannot afford one. Is your last DUI finalized through the courts?
Make this YOUR turning point. Nobody was hurt, nobody was killed and for that be thankful. Your life could be very different if it was right now. I don't care what it is, AA, Smart, AVRT, counseling, rehab - THROW yourself into getting help. I don't know what line of work you do, but I would look into what your companies rules are for reporting this to them. If you admit you have a problem right away I think they have to work with you. If you wait and don't tell them it could be a worse scenario.
How old are your kids, do you have any help with them? I too am a single mom with no help from their father physically or financially. My DUI is over with now, but it was a 9 month process for that to happen and lots of hoops to jump through. Buckle down for the long haul and get the help you need to STOP drinking. This will firstly benefit you and will also help satisfy the courts a bit. I am sorry you're here. I remember the first few days feeling like the darkest of my life. It will only get worse if you keep drinking. Without my DUI, I am sure that I would still probably be drinking daily. Let this be a wake up call to you and work on getting your life back.
No judgement here. I was my own worst enemy and I hated myself more than anyone else could at the time. It does get better and their is hope.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by lovespell
I was driving on DUI suspension while on probation pending house arrest for my second DUI. I am going to be in very serious trouble.
I hope in your case, it does.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 13
I am a newcomer like you, but not a newcomer to drinker, I am an expert of lying to myself. I am the master self-conman.
My advice to you is this. What is done is done, you cannot go back and change it, you just have to start today by saying (as you have), that this is it.
This is the big one. Like myself you sound depressed and this is because we are drinking a depressant. Imagine the irony, a drink that should make us feel good actually makes us depressed.
How do will deal with this depression, we drink to feel good, but oh no it just makes us more depressed and then we go and do something stupid.
I have personally had enough of this BS. I am getting out of it now, and for you its not too late. If and when you have to attend court, tell them the truth.
Tell them that you have (x) number of days sober under your belt, that you are sick of the destructive cycle and want help otherwise you will keep coming back to court as you have. Tell them, you will accept any help they can offer you, because your serious about recovering.
My advice take whatever they offer with both hands, grab it hard and embrace it.
I firmly believe if continue as we have in our many varied ways, that we just end up another dead drunk. I don't know about you, but I am not going to go down that path.
Will it be easy ? No
Can you do first time ? I don't know
Is it worth trying ? Absolutely yes !
My advice to you is this. What is done is done, you cannot go back and change it, you just have to start today by saying (as you have), that this is it.
This is the big one. Like myself you sound depressed and this is because we are drinking a depressant. Imagine the irony, a drink that should make us feel good actually makes us depressed.
How do will deal with this depression, we drink to feel good, but oh no it just makes us more depressed and then we go and do something stupid.
I have personally had enough of this BS. I am getting out of it now, and for you its not too late. If and when you have to attend court, tell them the truth.
Tell them that you have (x) number of days sober under your belt, that you are sick of the destructive cycle and want help otherwise you will keep coming back to court as you have. Tell them, you will accept any help they can offer you, because your serious about recovering.
My advice take whatever they offer with both hands, grab it hard and embrace it.
I firmly believe if continue as we have in our many varied ways, that we just end up another dead drunk. I don't know about you, but I am not going to go down that path.
Will it be easy ? No
Can you do first time ? I don't know
Is it worth trying ? Absolutely yes !
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Every local AA has a call center number you can call, otherwise you may want to get yourself into rehab, that might save you from going to jail, and to save yourself.
First and foremost stop the drinking, you can see how it's absolutely destroying your life.
First and foremost stop the drinking, you can see how it's absolutely destroying your life.
fallen angel
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Behappy1
How are you doing love spell?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hi love:
I'm glad that nobody was hurt. Please never drink and drive again. When I had my DUI I was scared and embarrassed. You are not the first nor the last so nobody here will judge you. Own up to it. Throw your hands up and surrender to recovery. I have learned about AVRT and other techniques and tools that I use to help in my sobriety.
You are not alone and you can do this. This can be your turning point and you wil never have to feel like this again. Participate here, learn a lot and commit to sobriety.
It's so good!!!
I'm glad that nobody was hurt. Please never drink and drive again. When I had my DUI I was scared and embarrassed. You are not the first nor the last so nobody here will judge you. Own up to it. Throw your hands up and surrender to recovery. I have learned about AVRT and other techniques and tools that I use to help in my sobriety.
You are not alone and you can do this. This can be your turning point and you wil never have to feel like this again. Participate here, learn a lot and commit to sobriety.
It's so good!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,545
^^^^this.
So sorry this has happened to you lovespell, and you are certainly not alone, nor are you judged. That would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it
Let this be your turning point, all of us had to find one sometime. Sending you all of my love and support.
Alcohol is so destructive, and it's legal! Hmmm?
So sorry this has happened to you lovespell, and you are certainly not alone, nor are you judged. That would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it
Let this be your turning point, all of us had to find one sometime. Sending you all of my love and support.
Alcohol is so destructive, and it's legal! Hmmm?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 976
I agree with the others above! We CANNOT go back and undo what has been done. We CAN however right the wrong's as best as we can. I think I would have some kind of plan in place for your recovery and start it immediately. You sound better and as more time passes and more "rights" are done the better it will get.
I think MANY people have driven when they shouldn't have. Myself included. You're not alone.
I think MANY people have driven when they shouldn't have. Myself included. You're not alone.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by lovespell
I got charged with a third DUI last night...
Do not discuss the facts of your case with anyone, or admit anything to anyone, especially not to substance abuse counselors, until you speak with your attorney first. Your attorney will be able to advise you as to what, if anything, to say to your parole officer or counselor.
Specifically ask your attorney about this. Do not confess or admit to anything without first speaking to your attorney.
Stop drinking at all costs -- immediately and forever.
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