Sugarplum89

Hey My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Hes always suffered with shaky hands in the morning as he doesn't drink till 12. We were out for lunch two days ago and his shaking was so bad and it was his whole body..he said he felt like he was panicking and couldn't pick his drink up, once he did finally get the drink down him he settled down. So I know it was the fact he needed to have a drink but I've never seen him like that. His face was also puffy looking and weird.. does this mean he's getting much worse? Will he die from this soon? Thanks in advance for any replys. I have posted on a different group but this one seems more active so hope that is OK.

Nata1980

Welcome Sugarplum!

Sorry to hear about your dad - his condition does not sound good at all.

He has to get help for his affliction on his own - there is really nothing anyone can do about it.

Take care of yourself - you deserve it

LexieCat

Hi, Sugar,

I wouldn't say your dad is necessarily "going to die soon" (though it seems pretty clear he's got a serious physical dependency on alcohol). Some people go on that way for decades. And yes, withdrawal feels very much like a panic attack (I'm an alcoholic who's been sober eight years).

I assume you and others have talked to him about his drinking? What does he say about it?

It's true that not a lot can be done for someone who is absolutely not ready to quit, but would he agree to see a doctor? IF he's honest about his drinking/symptoms, sometimes a discussion with the doctor can help.

Please be sure you are taking good care of yourself. Have you been to Al-Anon? It's a great place for you to begin to heal from the effects his drinking has had on you.

Sugarplum89

Thanks for your replies, I know you can't help someone if they don't want to stop, my dad won't see a doctor, he never has and I don't know how honest he would be with his amount of drinking and symptoms. He lives on his own so no one can rly know for sure. He barely eats n is sick alot...been that way for years now.

It's nice to hear you haven't drunk for 8 years, that's rly good..you should be very proud of yourself. I just wish my dad could of done it as I've never rly had a "proper" dad but I think it's too late for him now.

I know it's def withdrawal from the drink but I've just never seen him like that before. Hes 56 now n been drinking for all my life n I'm 27 so it just worries me, i think its getting to a point he really can't control to start at 12 anymore n he has to drink earlier not because he wants to if that makes sense... I feel like I'm just waiting for him to die but have no answers on how bad he rly is. I know no one can ever say for sure but it's nice to get support from ppl in similar situations.

Sugarplum89

Oh sorry yes we have talked to him about it In the past n he always has excuses and just doesn't seem to care rly. I'm pretty sure he does deep down but I no addiction is a hard thing to battle

Maudcat

Hi, Sugarplum89. Welcome to Sober Recovery. No advice today, just the hope that you will find support here. Peace.

DoubleDragons

Hi Sugarplum, you dad sounds a lot like my mom. The shaking is just so heart breaking to watch. She has been in this condition for a few years now and she is a good bit older than your father, so I am with the others in saying that it is not necessarily an indication of death. Still, alcoholism is a little bit of dying each day. I don't even recognize the person my mother has become. I am sorry for your pain and I am sorry that I understand it.

SmallButMighty

Hi Sugarplum89. ( My Grandpa used to call me Sugarplum, your name gave me a nice memory and a smile)

I am sorry you are going through this, I fully understand your fears.

My Dad was an alcoholic my entire life and for the entirety of his adult years.He passed last December at age 72. I know how upsetting and concerning it can be. I loved my Dad very much, but I had distanced myself towards his end because I had learned, through my marriage to an alcoholic, that I just plain and simple did not want to be around addictive behaviours. My Dad never admitted to having a problem and since he was never physically abusive to anyone he thought we should just all mind our own business. And I guess he was right about that. He had a right to drink if that's what he wanted to do with his life. None of us nagging or worrying changed a damn thing. I believe in my Dads case he had depression and was self medicating. He never would have admitted such a thing to anyone let alone a doctor. That would have displayed "weakness" to his old fashioned way of thinking.

Observing my parents alcoholic Dad/codependant Mother's marriage was a big part of the reason I left my XAH. I did not want to be where my mum was 25 years down the road.. and that's the way I was heading. Life lessons sure can be painful.

Wishing you and your Dad, peace and health.

Hugs

Sugarplum89

Wow it's rly nice to meet ppl who know exactly what it's like! Also sorry it is under these circumstances and how many ppl r affected by this. Alcohol really does change a person, and I always try to understand what made them do it in the first place and how hard it is to stop but I also have a lot of hurt and anger towards him for doing this to himself and not caring about other ppl who do love him, it's very weird as alcoholism is pretty complex. but your right it is his choice how he lives his life.
It's def brought something good from it cos I don't drink as I'd never want my life to end up like that and I can happily say I've done better by my children but the damage he done is still there sometimes.
I guess he could live on like this for years but one part of me wants him around and the other part doesn't want to watch him get sicker and sicker from it. Does anyone know how you might be able to tell when the time is getting nearer? Or is it literally one of them "how long is a piece of string?" Sorta things. I'm thinking about going to a meeting but I feel pretty nervous about it as I've never been before...I spose I've just ignored it for a long time cos i don't live with him anymore n it was kinda the norm for my life.

DoubleDragons

Sugarplum, I relate to everything you posted above. It is such a crazy mix of emotions I have about my mother, her alcoholism and my father's complete enabling of it all. I feel angry, resentful, hurt, disbelief, fear, but also compassion and sadness and a whole new respect for the power of alcohol. I, too, do not drink. I quit drinking alcohol over three years ago, out of fear of becoming her and I do consider that the one silver lining that has come out of this sad situation. I, too, wonder when and how the end is going to come for her. I have let go of the hope that she is likely to change, so sometimes I think it would be relief for all of us if she would pass without causing more harm, pain or shame to herself and her family. That being said, I have learned to surrender her life to my higher power, with the full belief and that the Universe has the best plan for me, my family and my mother, even if I don't see it or understand it with my limited view.