Pillow

Wives of addicts,

At what point did you know it was over and there was no turning back? What made you choose to leave and walk away? How did you know it was what was best for you?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Hechosedrugs

For me, it took a boy's mom admitting to me that what I had seen once and thought was suspect was, indeed, what I thought- my ex molested that boy. Unfortunately, she denied it, as her son had made her swear she would. So when I came forward I looked like a crazy person, and I think it actually hurt my custody case. But it made me realize he was ever bit as sick as I'd always thought. And I know some people say drugs can't turn people into child molesters- that there are millions of addicts that never go that route. But I do think they can bring out your most debase fantasies, and lower your inhibitions to the point that you act on them when you normally wouldn't.

If only I had gotten out at the right moment I really don't think I'd be sharing custody with a child molester right now. But I didn't believe my gut instincts about anything, really. I had a moment when I could have gotten out- when the world, for a split second, saw his addiction, if nothing else.

So I am sick with regret and guilt. I have faith that he will be caught, at least for SOMETHING. Please, God, anything. This man has done so much- he's defrauded the government, he's abused (at least one) child, he's forged prescriptions... it has to catch up with him somehow?

Anyway, that's my story. I didn't get out when I should have. Don't make my mistake.

zoso77

Easy. When you say so.

Nata1980

Whenever you hit your rock bottom. Does not have to coincide with his. We choose to stay married every day.

Mine came on Valentine's Day, after I took XAH to rehab. It just felt like the end. It was the worst day of my life. Two years ago I stopped divorce filing and gave him one more chance. This was it. For me, enough was realization that he was using, and potentially even bringing sketchy characters around the house while DS was in his care (and I was away on a business trip). The thought of having to go through this same stuff again was enough.

On my way from rehab drop off I got a text message (on his phone that rehab personnel gave back to me) from a woman offering to bring him things to rehab. I called her and found out that she is a "friend" who is addicted and unemployed, 15 years my senior (XAH is older than me), and that they have met at the bar. And they have no romantic relationship whatsoever. She could barely talk and was slurring her words. I was like ok lady sure.

I thanked my higher power for sending this big fat sign my way and I was really, really done.

XAH lied about his stinky little affair for months while I was going through divorce. Oh well, he is not my problem anymore.

So happy to be single.

hope778

Shooting heroin in our house with a very young son was enough. I let it go on for too long. It was killing him, and it was killing me. And if our son grew up in that environment it would've stolen his life too. Not on my watch. I finally understood that our son needed one healthy, loving, and stable parent, at least. Of course he deserves much more.

I told AH he had to leave. I did so lovingly, but I could not continue to aid in his slow death - because I love him too much. A good deal of drama and trauma later, he is clean and on methadone maintenance. For the first time in a very long time his mind is more clear. Our problems have not vanished, but we are handling them - together. Because he is present now.

It is not impossible. I am also not naive that he could turn away at any time. But, I finally believed what everyone was telling me - that my son needs me, that I am not "helping" my AH by covering for him, and that our only hope was to stop breaking his falls.

carolineno

I had enough when AH started yelling at ME out of the blue one morning about money and how was he gonna buy drugs this month, how it was unfair and not ECONOMICAL for him to buy in small amounts when WE could be saving so much money if WE buy in bulk, and by the way he was also telling me at the same time how hard he was working to use less. I am the main earner in the house btw.

Hello? I've heard a lot of batspit stuff come out of his mouth, but this came out of nowhere at 7am, and I just stood their stunned, finally realizing I am dealing with someone who is not rational.

That weekend I gave it all to him, told him he had to see a doctor to help him, because he treated me like crap, just like my FOO, and I wasn't going to take it anymore. I didn't even bother asking him to quit. I've done that before, and it's all lip service, and he eventually wriggles his way back to using. Over the years, he kept me exhausted on purpose, so I'd be too weak to fight him constantly. I am not a fighter by nature, and I certainly never learned to fight for myself.

As usual, he tried to chip away at me all that weekend, bringing up old crap between us, pulling the "why are you doing this to me" stuff, trying to imply that I have someone on the side, etc.

For some reason I was able to stay focused, was able to call him when he tried to derail the true subject of our conversation. And yet I still feel like I "lost" the argument. He said, ok, it's done, I quit. I told him I didn't really care if he quit or not, but I wasn't going to be mistreated anymore.

He did quit. Physically. For a while. And now the chipping away has started again. "I'd like to quit for a year and then do it while hiking" and the guilt "well I've already had to give up one thing I enjoy" and crap like that. Mind you I never told him he had to quit. I told him he had to see a psychiatrist and he had to stop treating me like crap.

And he didn't even remember yelling at me that time that it broke the camel's back. I almost think he thinks I'm making it up.

Now I, the main earner, am trying to claw together enough money to rent a crappy apartment, because I can't deal with his mind games anymore and I don't think he will leave when I ask him to. I want to be ready to act, even if he won't.

The ground always shifts with an addict. Nothing to build on anymore.

hopepraylove

When my ex stole painkillers from my parent's house and proceeded to be high in front of my younger siblings.

zoso77

I'd like to amplify my previous answer. You asked:

On January 11, 2012, my then AGF broke up with me via text message while I was at work, and sent me a picture of her and her new boyfriend from The Fellowship. She also confessed to multiple infidelities.

Now, one wrinkle to her makeup is in addition to being an addict, she's also a Borderline personality.

Be that as it may, on that day, I was done. It was the first time in my life that I wanted to take a chemical shower to get the grime off me. I also felt a need to fumigate my house. There was no going back after that. That said, she has tried multiple times since that day to contact me, and I finally changed my phone number in the spring of 2014.

The lesson I'd like you to take away from my misadventures is you can stop the madness at a time of your choosing. I could have done so, but what precluding me from doing so is a misguided faith in my AXGF. When our hearts are involved, we tend to make decisions based on our love for them. So be mindful that just because you love him doesn't mean you should have him in your life.

Sometimes it's preferable to go through a short burst of intense pain at the start of a new life chapter than it is to endure long term pain for an extended duration.