DarkPhoenix007

Hi everyone. My mother has been an alcoholic for about 5 years. I am now at my wits end. She has become homeless (through stress of a divorce) so has been living with myself for a few weeks. Days after moving in, I found alcohol being hidden in my flat. I poured all I could find down the drain and told her to never do it again. She agreed but a few days later, the drink was back. I snapped and threw her out. After a day or so I agreed to let her stay again. All seemed well after that.

This weekend I'd been away. As soon as I got back home, I could tell she'd been drinking again. Found more alcohol. Again annoyed I confronted her. She said it had been there for ages (I know this was a lie as I check the flat including her room everyday).

To top it off she knows that her being here puts my tenancy at risk and I'm 5 months pregnant. Could do without the added stress. Mum is waiting to hear back from some homeless shelters. I really am at my wits end. Any advice on how to deal with my situation would be appreciated. Xx

Maudcat

Welcome to Sober Recovery, DarkPhoenix007. Glad you are here. If you have lived with your mom's alcoholism for any period of time, you know that you can't control her behavior. She is going to drink no matter how many bottles get chucked. So...what would you like to have happen? I imagine, with your tenancy at risk and given te stress of worrying about your mother's behavior, you would like her to find another place to live. Is there a way you can help her leave? Peace.

biminiblue

I think if it were me, I'd ask her which homeless shelters she contacted, then I'd call and see what their procedures are. It doesn't make sense that they would need to get back to her - I mean how many homeless people have a cell phone and are just waiting for a callback? That doesn't make sense.

I suspect she's lying about, "Waiting to hear back." They probably don't want her to be there when she's been drinking any more than you do.

I'll bet she hasn't contacted any.

DarkPhoenix007

I've done all I can to help her leave. I'm the one who got her to contact the council and get registered on homeless shelter lists. Unfortunately she has no other family or friends in my area. So she either stays with me or sleeps on the streets. My feelings for her are now turning from love to hate as it appears she's quite happy to put her unborn grandchild and daughters tenancy at risk.

LexieCat

Hi, Phoenix,

Sorry for your stressful situation. I wouldn't count on your mom's being able to keep any promises about not drinking. Throwing out the booze or hunting for it will only make YOU crazy--it won't do anything to change her.

You don't need all this--not to mention the risk to your own living situation, especially when you're pregnant. I wouldn't count on her to make a serious attempt to find alternative living arrangements as long as she thinks she can stay there with you. And most shelters have their own rules about drinking--she's likely to find herself kicked out of those, too.

Would she be willing to consider a rehab? I'm not sure where you live, but in many places the Salvation Army runs good programs. A social service agency might also be able to help.

DarkPhoenix007

She's been to rehab before. As soon as she got out, she starts again.

I contact the shelters everyday myself. She has been referred. Just waiting for someone to leave.

Maudcat

One of the really sad and predictable things about alcohol dependent people is their ability to find and keep, as long as possible, a safe place to drink. I don't think your mom is any too anxious to leave your place for the streets or a shelter. Maybe, as Lexiecat suggested, rehab? Could be a way to go.

DarkPhoenix007

She's been to rehab. It didn't work.

biminiblue

Okay, well if you aren't ready to put her out and if rehab and the shelter are out, how about having your landlord make her leave?

It's really not your problem where she ends up if she can't even stay sober enough to stay at your place.

LexieCat

There isn't much you can do if she's determined to drink. Not without putting yourself at grave risk.

I've known people who have gotten sober after months of literally living in a car or a cardboard box. As unpleasant as that prospect may be, it might be what it takes for her to realize what she is doing to herself.

Maudcat

Do you have family, DarkPhoenix? A sib? Am I right to assume that your dad is the one who divorced your mom? Would talking to him or another family member help? I don't normally advocate bringing family in, nor am I suggesting that another family member take on your mom. I guess I am seeking context. She has no friends or family nearby. Did she move to be near you?

DarkPhoenix007

She separated from her ex husband last month. (He was not my biological dad and a drug addict himself) Yes I have family who have supported her in the past with alcohol problems. She always found somewhere to move onto. I have been talking regularly to my family but they have no room for her to stay a few nights let alone more. They just tell me to do what I've already done (go to the council, shelters etc).

DarkPhoenix007

Only myself and her ex live in this town I'm now in. My family live about an hours drive away.

Maudcat

Well, here's hoping a bed at a shelter opens up soonest! In the meantime, keep coming back here. There is a lot of wisdom and support on this site. I know I don't have to tell you that taking care of yourself and the babe is job one. This will pass. Peace.

DoubleDragons

I think you are doing everything that you can in this situation. I just wanted to say that I feel for you. My mom is an alcoholic, too and it is so painful. Make sure that no matter what, you and your baby are your priority. An active alcoholic will never make anything but alcohol their number one priority.